“You do not understand me” Arrrgggghh!!
Truth be told, for most of us, that phrase is too common in our homes, I included. We are different beings.
Our thinking, our reasoning, our perspective, all differ and more often than not, we tend to give to our spouses what we need, not what they need.
It sort of like when God created woman out of man, He pulled the sensitive, emotional side of the man out with the woman. She’s the sensitive side of the man.
Take an example of a couple who are looking for a new school for their kid, of which he/she would attend NEXT YEAR.
Let’s make the story a bit spicy, both are busy, but husband is well occupied with a project from work that he needs to finish.
Both of them know that they have some time to look for the school, together, but, their approaches towards this will be different.
Being a lady, her feminine instincts kick in. She googles school w,X,y,z, asks her friends about their kids’ schools, googles again, she calls the schools, googles again and again till she feels satisfied enough with the information that she has gathered.
Nothing concrete, just collecting information.
Enthusiastic about everything, she comes home and tells the husband about the schools, and shares all the information she got.
Well, just as God created us in different ways, his logic kicks in. He tells the wife, “Can we just look at the schools when my project is done? We still have 9 months!”. “What’s the hurry for.” funny ha!
Can of worms number 1 explodes. The wife gets upset because first, he didn’t appreciate her, and secondly, he didn’t understand.
Of-course he cannot understand unless he willingly decides to He is a logical being and she is just being a woman.
God created a woman from a man, she is filled with emotions, and her brain connects everything to everything.
She is simply special. Women love window shopping, apart from the normal shopping. Funny enough, they may not have the money to shop, but, it nurtures their feminine side.
Just like bonding with your “bruhs’ rejuvenates you as a man, for her, it’s the spas, her girls, her shopping, anything that makes her glow.
She is just being a woman. She will have apt suggestions to her friends in need of a salon, best place for a spa, best place to shop, the prices, the texture of the walls, the shops around, which neighborhood is good for their kids etc. etc.
That’s how God made women.
She is not expecting you to follow, but she would NEED you to listen and be attentive, appreciate, understand, then you can make your conclusion.
She is not shoving solutions down your throat, she simply thrives by suggesting, and needs you to listen.
Don’t be a male chauvinist who keeps reminding her that she cannot talk, that you are man of the house, putting her down at every minute.
You need not buy her ideas, but just hear her out. You need not follow, but understand she’s only trying to offer a hand of help. She’s simply helping out.
The husband on the other hand works with logic. Always. Rarely does an issue arise and they use their emotions to sort it out. So here is a wife, who “doesn’t seem to get” that he has a project to finish.
Notice I have put it quote and quote because in reality, she does, she just didn’t get one of her primary needs met; understanding.
He shuts her down. Categorically stating that it’s only after his project is done, then, he can embark on searching a school.
He knows the time-frame, so he puts it in his head and labels it “The future box”. Period. This is his logic side working.
The tug creates tension in the house, and soon they are lashing out at each other, being rude and abusive to each other.
The bible says this, husbands ought to love their wives and…are to live/dwell in understanding towards them.
Well, at the risk of sounding anachronistic and subservient, let me quote the word. “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7 King James Version).”
It’s unfortunate that the world quotes women as the “weaker” sex, yet the word of God doesn’t. Yes, she might be weaker in physical strength, but she’s still a source of great strength that the LORD saw her worthy of giving you the help that you need.
Alone, HE saw you are lonely, and the logic part of you as the man, needs the intuitiveness of your wife to make the best decision.
Alone, you are incomplete. She is your missing rib.
Your wife’s gives you a “face” of being a trustworthy man. She paints the picture of you being a good man worthy to lead and handle any responsibility.
Her face gives you the family identity.
That you can nurture, and take good care of everything.
Am not saying that men don’t make good decisions, they do, but, the best decisions takes the TWO OF YOU.
It’s the woman who handles the affairs of her home save for a few cases. Her emotions are not a weakness. Her emotions are what helps her to be a giver to you and to your children.
To sacrificially hold herself back and attend to you. To hold you in her arms after a long day. To empathize with you and treat you like a king in the house.
Otherwise, if she was to act out logic, logic dictates that she should sleep. No soothing words, no pampering. SHE SHOULD SLEEP! After all, she’s worn out thin.
The bible says that you should treat your wife with honor, seeking hard to understand and love her.
At the end of the day, we cannot change who we are, but we can all agree to seek out the best for our spouses.
Understanding her means nurturing anything feminine she has, being considerate of her emotional needs, being her companion and always chivalrous.
A husband and a wife are sort of like a newspaper. He is the headline, she is the details.
Neither can work without the other. You need to read the headline to understand the content of that column in a newspaper or a magazine.
Women work well with details, just as men would under a simple statement ASAP.
So if you are with your wife, give her the all information she needs. If she asks a question(s), do not be agitated, that’s how God created her.
Of-course as women have to be careful not to cross the nagging woman line.
Do not assume the needs of the other.
Understanding Vs Logic, none should compete with the other. Complement each other instead.
Understand her need to be heard, understand that he reasons logically – not always with his heart.