In Marriage Matters

LOVE IS PATIENT

Marriage is founded on love, and true love at that. Man meets woman, he is struck. She gets the tingling feeling in her stomach, coffees begin, movies and long walks.

You call each other, sweetie, doll and all the mushy rosy words.

Two, three, four, five years down, he plans a surprise proposal for you, and gets you a gigantic ring from Nagni Patni.

All your friends are invited to THE OCCASION, and you say YES! YES A MILLION TIMES!

Fast forward, you plan a pompous wedding, walk down the aisle to the Ohhh so a “perfect man!”.

You say I DO, and are declared a Mrs. so and so and he is the man of the house!

Yeeeeyyyyy!!Ring on your finger finally! You throw the bouquet to your girlfriends, and drive away to your happily ever after.

9 months down, there’s trouble in paradise.

Actually, the package you thought you had is not!

Both of you used to be smartly dressed when meeting up for dates, now, you have to keep reminding him to put his socks in the laundry basket and wash his handkerchiefs because they gross you out. You had no idea they are that slimy!

You didn’t know when he blows his nose, he blows your brains out too!

Hahaaaahahaa! The lady you married does her dishes after 1 day, and you are the perfectly organized guy!

Fruit flies in your kitchen 24/7!

Her ironing is just bad, and her food always has too much spice! She has no idea on how to present her food, let alone preparing It!

It hits you, now this is the real deal. You just used to see the shiny part of the shoe!

They say love is blind. I beg to differ. It’s not! It’s never blind. It sees, a lot, but you either ignore the truth, or get presumptuous.

If you are lady, you think you can change a man. (P.S ONLY GOD CAN CHANGE A MAN!- your actions/conduct will cause him to be inclined to Christ and vice versa- 1st Corinthians 7:16). If you think love is blind then wait for marriage. It will truly heal the blindness and cause you to see. A lot!

True, love covers a multitude of sins! 100 % TRUE! If love was blind then 1st Corinthians would never be there. 1st Corinthians is enough evidence to ascertain that LOVE TRULY SEES IT ALL!

All those 15 verbs in that chapter have no inclination whatsoever in stating that Love is blind.

It clearly describes the attributes of love, the first one being LOVE IS PATIENT. There’s a reason why the bible just had to put it as the first one, Patience. Patience, according to the dictionary reference, means that it is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.

In other words, “love puts up with a lot.”

How many people nowadays “put up with a lot” especially from their spouses?

How many are patient in listening to their wives or husbands?

Your wife has an issue but lives in fear and trepidation in her own home. She is too afraid to bring it on the table because you will get so mad, blow it out of proportion, twist and turn it to say she doesn’t appreciate you, yet it was just a small issue.

He has a problem with the over sweetened tea, but he can’t tell you as the wife because you will throw tantrums.

Say that he doesn’t love you anymore, even accuse him of taking tea elsewhere, yet it was just a simple issue – sugar girlfriend! How many are patient in learning from each other? We are from different backgrounds, taught in different schools, punished differently, have different ideas about everything.

How can it be possible that two different people can agree in everything? Even sisters and brothers disagree.

Plus, if two people agree on everything then one of them is unnecessary!

Unfortunately for spouses nowadays, they do not agree to disagree.

The wife wants her way, the husband wants his way. Learning a new thing in marriage is not thrilling nor exciting. It’s a cause of chronic tension.

Dear husband, when your wife teaches you something, or corrects you lovingly in something, say, putting clothes in the laundry basket, winks at you when you comment on something publicly, or encourages (NOTE: ENCOURAGES- NOT CRITICIZING)- you to get up and find something to do, it’s not a death sentence.

She loves you enough to want you to be a better man, a better husband, she is not fixing you.

Dear wife, when your husband corrects you in a simple thing like how he likes his eggs cooked, he doesn’t mean that your cooking is bad.

No. His preference is just different, just find ways of being better at what he has suggested.

That brings me to the second part of being patient.

How many are also patient in HOW THEY CORRECT their spouses? Patience extends too in how you correct someone. Your choice of words. Your tone, your attitude towards them. How you talk when your emotions are up and running, determines how quickly you will get to your promised peace land.

Trust me 10% of the arguments are caused by differing opinions.

90% of the arguments are caused by the tone you use to your spouse.

Yes, you are constantly hurt by you wife, and your husband gets on your nerves, but how you correct each other, is the ultimate bulls eye!

Shouting at each other will never solve any issue, in fact it will aggravate it more. Throwing tantrums, banging doors, throwing off your paintings from the walls, hitting and battering your wife, drinking your sorrow off, and even the famous silent treatment to your husband, will never solve any issues(s) you both have.

Love is patient enough that when problems and conflicts arise, you will not over-react in haste but, instead, withhold judgment and give your spouse the benefit of doubt, to explain why he/she handled the case/issue the way they did.

In essence, having patience means that you choose to be slow to anger and ready to forgive.

Having patience is the total opposite of reactionary thoughts, expressions, resentments, irritability, et cetera et cetera.

Patience chooses to be self-controlled even when constantly provoked.

Patient love in marriage, will cause you to accept your partner /spouse for who he/she is without nagging, demanding or expecting change a sudden change in them, knowing that they are human and cannot be 100% perfect. You will find ways to motivate them to be better, other than being judgmental and bitter or angry towards them.

You will tolerate their weaknesses, mistakes, and, at times, intrinsic ignorance that is common in our human nature.

Love puts up with much so as to allow God to work in His time, to change your spouse, so the marriage can grow, and His glory will be seen for marriage is for our own sanctification.

Exercising patience when you feel hurt is an attribute that should be exercised daily, of which we too are still work in progress. You choose, intentionally, daily, to be patient with your spouse, learning from each other, forgiving each other and praying for one another.

Patience produces tolerance that calms your mind in difficult situations.

Love that is patient, does all of the aforementioned without being critical, without complaining and without comparing. Choose to start being patient today, and you will find the strength to weather all storms.

Patience puts Love on the anvil and when that test is passed, every day and forever, your marriage will weather it all!

#marriageworks #Godspeed

 

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5 Comments

  1. Cess
    2 years ago

    This is inspiring my dear. I’m happy am finally reading your blog. I’m learning a lot from you.

    Reply
    1. Mary Munene
      2 years ago

      Still on the anvil you know..Thanks My dear! Most welcome.

      Reply
  2. Lucy
    2 years ago

    If love is patient so one when gets married they should agree to let the self die. #dying to self. Lovely article

    Reply
    1. Mary Munene
      2 years ago

      True dear! Blessings!

      Reply
  3. Lynette
    2 years ago

    Love is not blind..I totally agree..and you’ve put it so well that we chose not to see,but the real is always glaring. Love your blog girl and thanks for the hard-hitting truths about marriage.

    Reply

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