Courting trouble is when you decide to involve third parties in your marriage.
Courting trouble is when you have a third wheel in your marriage.
The third wheel is not just stepping out of your marriage and committing infidelity, no. Your sisters, your brothers, your cousins, your mam, dad, pastor, assistant pastor, youth leader, friends, girlfriends, the watchman, house-helps, neighbors, pretty much anyone and everyone can be a third wheel.
Third wheels’ will cause a premature death to your happily ever after.
Consider a hand cart otherwise known as a “mkokoteni“. It has two wheels. Right? At least I have pulled a “mkokoteni! (Trust me it come with growing in “ocha“.)
Back to our analogy. It’s very easy to pull it with the two wheels intact, but, there’s a third wheel that’s put at the back of the “mkokoteni” which acts as a tug stop.
I know we have all have noticed it.
The essence of that wheel, is to grind the “mkokoteni” to a stop, if need be. It acts as a brake, or better still, a handbrake.
The “mkokoteni” cannot move unless you pull the handle down, and start pulling again.
It’s immovable while resting on that wheel.
Unfortunately that’s what most of us do to our marriages, the worst hit being our loving husbands.
You get married and immediately your ‘mam-in-love’, commonly known as mam-in-law, moves in with you, your hubby’s sister, your close auntie, you move in everyone!
Let me say this, just as a reminder, men are commanded to “leave and cleave” to their wives but not so many are able to do so.
That’s why God had to spell it all loud and clear…it’s “leaving and cleaving”, wives included.
Am not saying that you forget your parents, no, (otherwise you will be reaping curses for yourself) -but you HAVE TO set boundaries that everyone should respect. Loyalty has to change, respectfully.
Husband, you bring your mam in; (of course she will be your mam forever, she raised you, fed you-that’s why your wife loves your physique! Duh!)…but…she will be the biggest challenge to your marriage.
Any third wheel who comes into your marriage will be.
The first problem hits, your wife’s food! She starts having the usual condescending attitude towards your wife because she can’t cook “chapattis” the way she used to cook them for you.
She rearranges the living room because the “son is affected by the blue light from the Television.”
She invites your sisters in and your close cousins to stay in your house.
She feds you with the idea that your wife needs to be “domesticated”, “Women nowadays cannot be trusted”, bla bla bla, and all the pretty little lies from the devil.
Your sisters start insisting that she has to wash their clothes.
To add salt to the injury, they insist on cooking for your as husband because “they know him better.”
They feed you with stories of how your wife is wasteful, mean to them but at the same time a spendthrift.
Soon, your mam, dear husband, insists that she should have the ATMs’, after all, the mother is always the one who looks out for her children!
Husbands, your home should be as private as your inner wears!
As private as you and your thoughts in the loo!
I totally respect in-laws, trust me, I respect my mam-in-love. She’s an angel, literally. However, you are married to her, not to your mam, or cousins or your dad!
Wives, your home should be discreet.
Proverbs 31 states of a discreet woman, who is able to handle the affairs of her home. It’s not a place where your girlfriends walk in out, even to your bedroom.
It’s a sacred place please!!
To the newlyweds, please, in your first years of marriage, don’t bring in third wheels to your house. It’s time to grow and adjust to each other.
Just like an infant, your marriage is in its infancy. It’s delicate, it needs to be handled with care. That’s when marriage is really on the anvil. Being molded. Third wheels are not to be allowed at your house. That’s the absolute truth.
Take the time to be the two of you. A time will come when your schedules will be so crowded, and you will literally have to set aside a date for both of you.
Third wheels will have an opinion about everything that that your wife/husband does.
How she cooks, how she cleans, her degree of wastage on food, how many hours she spends watching TV, how expensive her cologne is, her choice of meals, everything will be an issue .
They are always critical. Remember, one of the primary needs your wife needs is security, shielding her even from your own family, covering her, covering her weaknesses – (yes! Cover her everything. Cover her bad cooking especially to your family, and keep her training her.
Don’t go like, “she can’t cook”, and you say it all loud to your mother!! ).
She needs to feel safe. She needs to be validated by you, feel that you love her, you love the decor in the house, her food, clothing, her cologne, and she needs to feel that you put her above everything and anyone else.
If you can’t give her that, you are not nurturing her and as soon she feels like she’s running the gauntlet, resentment will set in.
Keep them all at bay. Let them come visit, but not living, staying and having a say in how the affairs of your home are ran!
That’s your wife’s job and if you deny her that, you are sinning! Yes I said it! You are not being a supportive husband, and you are frustrating your wife.
That doesn’t mean that wives are excluded too. No.
Keep your sisters’ away too. Again, not that they can’t visit or sleep over, but, they shouldn’t be dictating what your husband should buy in the house, how he should behave etc. etc.
Keep your girlfriends away from your marital issues, and train your ears to hear from your husband alone, not the juicy, spicy talk that goes on in the salon and in our offices! Taking every opinion about how you should run your marriage.
Keep your home discreet fellow wife. Do not let your head be filled with poison. Court wisdom.
Work out your marriage, and you will be smiling all the way, loving your wife, loving your husband, praising each other on top of the mountain, wherever-whenever, because you both know that marriage is beautiful, you have worked it out and still are, and not even the funny stick man ideas of not praising each other, will move or shake you.
Why, because a happy, good and godly marriage deserves to be praised always!!