As we start of the week, I want to pass a small note to my fellow women, wives in the making and wives.
Every married couple has a lot to learn from each other, whether you were married 40 years ago, or yesterday.
Every day is a learning process, and your happily ever after, determines how fast you will learn, holding fast to every instruction being given, and taking heed to every counsel.
We are not always right, and sometimes it’s good to listen to those who have been there, not that they are any better, but a few pointers here and there can help. Am not being subservient, no, just speaking the plain truth, of which most of us never want to be told. Girlfriend,your needs will never be his and that also applies to him!
Am speaking on behalf of all the married men, am not a relationship expert, but marriage has taught me this: You can’t feed him your diet gal, it won’t work! Truth be told, what keeps a man isn’t your figure, it’s definitely not your pretty face, it’s never your long hair, or your scent, no!
That definitely will attract him to you, he will sleep with you, yeah! But he won’t commit. You go calling all of them “dogs”, yet you tagged yourself CHEAP! It’s unwise, and such, are akin to building your home or house on a boggy foundation.
What keeps him there, is how you meet his needs. Your prudence, your character, and being constantly on your knees. Remember, prayer will never be cliche!
In retrospect, a wife of a powerful preacher, (names withheld), filed for a divorce last year on grounds of negligence. She had everything a lady would want. A house, beautiful kids, could afford expensive vacations, but she still filed a divorce against her powerful man of God.
Many were shocked, asked why, but her only reason was, negligence. Not infidelity! It got me thinking… The man gave her what he felt she needed, but all she wanted, was his companionship, his validation, his love.
He denied her that, probably knowingly or unknowingly, and she felt neglected.
Why, because that is one of the greatest need of a woman. You could have the best of career, live in a posh neighborhood, but if your husband isn’t treating you more than a queen, you will have no joy of marriage. Ask any lady.
We thrive when pampered, and so do the men thrive when admired. Fulfilling marriages don’t just drop from heaven, they don’t just happen!
They are built on proven and tested principles that are essential to the growth and development of a fulfilling, great, amazing and loving relationships. I must say, most of us step into marriages handicapped.
No knowledge, and no skills whatsoever in taking care of each other’s needs. That is why I always say, marriage is not a sprint race, it’s a marathon.
Get every little information that can help you. Knowledge is power. and ignorance is no defense. His wisdom, God’s wisdom will help you apply all that you have learnt, and make your perfect marriage diet!
Be in the absolute shape, before starting out on the long run that requires endurance and perseverance. A great marriage is built on seeing beyond yourself.
#We Are Different
I always say we are different, and we are. Let’s start with the obvious one. Your husband is male, you are female. A woman is an emotional being, a man on the other hand is a logical being.
Sometimes I find myself saying to my hubby “put yourself in my shoes”, and he would reply, “But that’s the most obvious thing”! I almost feel like screaming out, but that is the truth gal!
True, that could be the most obvious thing, but, sometimes, my emotions get in the way.
I can’t think past the “feelings”.
One psychologist said, women tend to become “intimate” with the people they know and the things that are around them. We tend to be in some sort of “oneness” with whatever we have.
That’s why a woman or your wife will cry when she is getting her hair cut, when her dress doesn’t fit, when her favorite vase breaks, or when you flash down her favorite Hapic holder like my hubby did!! (I loved that Hapic holder! it was making my toilet smell so good!!)
We are physically different! Apart from the obvious sexual differences, I also didn’t know that God created women with larger stomachs, kidneys, liver, and appendix, and have smaller lungs than men! Yes, so true!
Your husband is highly driven by testosterone, we too have it, but in smaller quantities.
Estrogen is what we have as women. With all this differences, it’s almost impossible for you and him to be together in the same room, and that is why God, in His awesome wisdom, created us with a need to be needed and loved, a need that can only be fulfilled by the other person.
He called it Love, and commanded a man to leave and cleave to his wife.
The puzzle is, fitting every piece into this canvass of marriage!
The puzzle is making a sweet meal out of his dietary needs and yours too!
When you find the rations, marriage can be the most fulfilling life you will ever live, but can still be a nightmare if you don’t equalize the rations!
Too much water will dilute the taste of the food, too much salt, will make the food inedible and unpalatable, too much ginger, will make the food bitter, too much soy sauce gives, the food a “fermented” taste.
Marriage too has a diet! He has his needs, you have your needs. To get the best meal of it, you have to combine all the necessary ingredients in it.
You need to be a connoisseur of fine marriage food and drink!
I Love to call this; The Marriage Diet. So let’s begin with HIS Diet!
- ADMIRE YOUR HUNKY HUBBY!
Admiration to your husband, is romance and affection to you.
He can’t do without it! He needs you to be his number one fan in everything he does, in everything he plans, in everything he thinks, you as a wife should be his number one fan!
You want him to cut down his weight, admire him as you lead him gently, towards the path of lifestyle change.
You want him to start using a designer perfume, buy it!
Spray it on him and tell him he smells like some edible, chewable, yummy gummy berries!! You want him to come home early to you, stop the criticism, and admire how hard he works to provide for you as a family!
You want him to get you anything and everything, get your boots of praise gal! Tap, tap, and tap till the music sinks into his core memory!
You want him to change his wardrobe for something neater, modern or more fashionable, admire his choice of clothes, and then encourage him to put on something that will show off his torso, or his masculine arms!
Admire how he walks, how he talks, how he smiles, admire his sense of humor even when his jokes are so dry!
Admire his work. Admire all he does! The problem with us as women, we think we will change our men instantaneously!
We think we can speak up and, snap! Change happens! Girlfriend, you will wait forever!
One of the fastest way to get your hubby to move in a certain way, is by leading him on, with admiration towards that direction. Quit putting pressure on him to change, or to do more.
Admire him, and admire him honestly. Don’t just talk for the sake of talking. Be filled with passionate awe and pride of the man you got married to!
It’s worked for me and it should work for you too! Say thank you for the efforts he is putting to please you. Last time I said, even if he clears his tooth pick and left the dining table with all the other used utensils, say thank you!
Next he will clear his plate, then the other plates, soon he will be clearing everything for you and help you wash the dishes too! It just takes some little effort of appreciating you hubby from the “tiniest” to the biggest things he does!
His world revolves around awe and admiration just like yours revolves around being pampered, being spoilt and being reminded daily that you are the queen of his heart!
To you, washing the dishes is normal, but in his world it’s not! So appreciate him for taking that step for you, even if he didn’t arrange the dishes well! Stop complaining that the dishes are still soapy, he didn’t scrub them well, Chic!
He probably put his 3 hours there instead of stilling down watching his favorite games play! For once, just say thank you and sincerely admire all that he has done.
2. CUT HIM SOME SLACK AND GIVE HIM SOME PEACE!
Again, I know we are emotional beings. Everything connects with everything.
In your brain as a woman, a leaking roof translates to the house flooding, which in turn will mess the carpet, the chairs, the electronics, which translates to buying new ones, which you might not actually get, because, fair deal doesn’t sell them of late, which means you will be frustrated because the carpet was among your favorite thing…bla bla blaa and the connection goes on and on and on…I know mine goes round and round!
Actually, we talk too much, it is okay, God made us that way.
Dad says it’s because we deal with a million things at once! Yes! So, you might be tempted to overload all this information on your husband immediately he walks through the door.
Trust me, I get tempted too, every day, especially when he is around, because I so want him to pick up on every project that stalled since he was away.
I want him to follow on this, on that, and oh boy! The man is totally out of gas!
Their work is draining and exhausting. So if i don’t understand him, I might find myself having a long, long, long, long, longest night!
You might talk and talk and talk, and expect a response from your husband of which he will go like “Ahhhhh?’, or “sooo…?”
That response of course, will not cut out well with you, and so you answer back, and he answers back. Soon, you are in a cyclic heated argument just because you couldn’t get your time right girlfriend!
Your husband doesn’t process information like you. He processes it systematically and logically. So pouring all that ‘nyef nyef nyef’ information to your husband at once, won’t yield the results you want, in fact, you will be more frustrated than you were before!
Let him get home, welcome him warmly. Take his coat, take his shoes.
Give him his favorite drink a he unwinds alone. Give him some space to “catch up” with himself.
You think it only happens in the La Mujer movies?
Gal, you can make your own soap opera! I think it’s time to stop watching the Strom elparaiso and do the “love acts” in your house!
Probably he has spent the better part of the day running up and about. So cut him some slack and give him peace.
Trust me, if my hubby got home and the first thing I say is, “Hunnie you didn’t do this, you didn’t do that, you forgot to take out the trash”, trust me, I know, my hubby will just will just go and sleep!
In fact he will sleep with his boots on!
For real! He spends the day sorting out issues, getting calls from all sides, he is always on call and at any given time, his life is on the line due to his nature of work. The last thing he needs is a nagging me!
I have learnt to make my home a haven for him. Such that he clearly knows ,in his heart, that our home, is the place he can run to when he feels overwhelmed, that it’s the place his energy will be recharged, that is the place he has his biggest supporter and fan, that is place he needs not put up a brave face, he can just be My John.
Let your husband relax. Am not an expert on love, but I have learnt that, true love, is not contingent upon reciprocity.
If you love your husband, more than you love yourself, every other thing becomes
If you love your husband, more than you love yourself, every other becomes superficial and secondary.
The joy of seeing him happy and content, supersedes everything else. You will not need to struggle for his attention, because you caught it from the word go!
His diet Continues….
#marriageworks # Godspeed