In Marriage Matters

Marriage Diet Part 2- His Diet!

His diet continues…

3. CUT THE CRITICISM OFF!

We all know what we do ladies. He he…

You walk into a room all dressed up, makeup on fleek! – (okay, I sincerely don’t know who came up with that, but, hey! who cares! its fun to say it! #on fleek), rocking Gucci stilettos, a designer perfume and some lace wig!

The response from the ladies around – all gawking, frowning and sizing you! Funny how ladies are so jealous of each other! You can literally smell the sheer jealous around. It’s thick and dark, almost calling for blood!

Rarely will they tell you that you look nice, in fact the men will, but the ladies.

Instead, you will hear some good criticism.

Am not talking about the bad hair days, or those days you look as if you had a train wreck! No! Am talking about those days you look so good even the angels in heaven know!

Suddenly you are part of the Joan Rivers fashion police team! “The heel is too high”, “the skirt looks faded”, “she has too much make up”, “the lipstick is spilling”, “her glasses are too big”, “the perfume is suffocating”, “who is she showing off for”?

“The hubby is not the real hubby, I hear they fight” (who doesn’t???) and, mhhhhhhh!!! (with a sneer), ” That human hair is fake!”. “Brazilian doesn’t look that shiny”!

For Christ’s sake! She glossed it!

We are critics since kingdom come! That’s the same thing we do to our men.

We play the prosecutor, judge and the jury. Always critical of any move.

You are not doing this, you are not doing that, you are not saying this, and you are not… You are not. It’s draining!

Ladies, a man never thrives in criticism.

At your work place, if your boss could criticize you from 7am to 7pm, you would never be motivated to work. By the time it’s 10 am, you would be fatigued and drained.

That’s exactly what you do to your husband if you keep criticizing him over any small issue.

I say small, because some fights are not worth your time. Learn to shake them off!

A man is drained by constant criticism. It has a name! NAGGING! Every facet of a man is built on admiration and awe. When you begin poking holes into that canvass, you are inviting trouble into your marriage.

He needs to know that you are his number one fan!

The worst is a lady who goes criticizing him before his friends, family or even the children. That’s being foolish, half-witted, unpleasant and any other related synonym you can find. Actually that’s bad manners! Shame on you Mrs!

What do you expect when you have stripped all his ego off by disrespecting him before your family?

Calling him names before your children and blatantly ignoring him before your friends?

He will resent you. Soon, he will give you that disdained and disgusted look, and that’s when you will know, you have lost his love!

So why lose the man you love over some decorated foolishness?

I refused to be critical of my husband. I decided to focus on the 80% that he does so well, and fan that up, than focus on the 20% which will destroy my marriage.

I purposed to be the best he will ever have! I promised myself, the rest belongs to the Lord! I do my part, and leave the Lord to work on him!

No criticism! Just try the 80-20 rule! When tempted to criticize, focus on anything good he has done, then later engage him in a sober conversation.

That doesn’t mean you become a doormat.

No, but you to have wisdom enough to know how to talk to your man! Do you know how? Try my Hotdog way! Open up your praise bun… Put the “Hotdog” in i.e. the suggestion, correction, more suggestions, etc..,

Add more praise i.e. the mayonnaise, praise ketchup, praise sauce, and close it up well with the praise bun!

Yummy enough to be digested! Yummy enough for your hubby to listen. Very palatable indeed.

You don’t go shouting your lungs out! He won’t listen! Or he will, but resent you forever, and regret ever marrying you!

So before you start yapping at your man from the door, “You didn’t buy this, You didn’t that, You did this, You did that, I saw this, I saw that, I was told by Mama Ann that you were at the counter for 30 minutes talking to Pam”, just hold your breath, if you can pinch yourself do it! Breathe in and out, then talk slowly…

A soft answer turns away anger, the Bible says so…

4. APPRECIATE YOUR MR.

How many of us, as wives, appreciate our husbands? When he was busy busy “putting you in the box”, you were busy looking for small ways to appreciate him.

Remember?

I used to write poems every day and give him, and small love notes. He sure used to drive himself nuts looking for ways to make me feel special.

After marriage, must most of us forget, or simply, it becomes an outgrown habit. Doing those “little things” for each other, is no longer a priority.

Instead of appreciating them, we are the fault finders. You see a mistake in everything he does. As a result he stops doing everything, because, well, at the end of the day, nothing will please you.

When a man is appreciated, he feels that his efforts are not wasted, so he does more, gives more, pushes himself more, just to see you smile.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t get what it does to them. You don’t understand how appreciating your hubby helps him out and in turn, your marriage. Appreciate your hubby, make him feel special.

He doesn’t have to be appreciated outside your home, by some strange woman.

He needs to hear it from you first, before he goes to work, and if you forget, there is WhatsApp! Texts, a minute call! Appreciate him, remind him he is strong and he can hack anything!

5. ACCEPT HIM GAL!

He so needs your acceptance! He is not broken, he is not lost. He is not a toy that requires a fix! He just needs you to take him as he is.

You might not understand his way, but accept him, and trust him to have your best interest at heart.

When my hubby told me he will be a military guy someday – when we were dating, I thought! Really dude! With your IT degree! Can’t you just get a job? A normal job? A job that’s less risky, that doesn’t involve lots of shooting ?

Trust me, it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t get it, but he loves his job, especially his big guns!

He is the risk taker, am the cautious one-a bit, we balance it off that way.

So I let him go. I let him follow his passion, and I accepted him with all the challenges of being an army wife! It is not easy, but God’s grace is so enough! I so don’t live a life of pity!

I enjoy being married to the busy him! I just pray, do my part, and leave the rest to God.

I learnt to have a calm spirit, resting on the promises of God, rather than fretting around! I accepted him. Well, for most ladies, you hook up with the guy, and you totally want him to take a different path, which was never on his menu.

Some of you accepted to marry a full time minister of the word, then later, you are pressuring him to change to venture into business. An initiative that is not from him. What if he doesn’t want to? Why can’t you support his vision and marry it to your suggestion?

You know the kind of job he has is demanding, yet you pressure him too much, he never thinks of coming home. If he doesn’t back down, the manipulation starts.

“I will leave you, I will never come back”, “You don’t care about me!”

Why did you marry him? If he wants to change his career he will, but don’t pressure him, and don’t manipulate him either!

He might change, because of the pressure you are putting on him, but someday, it will catch up with you. He will blame you for not being supportive! He will blame you for sure! Accepting him doesn’t mean you accept the bad behavior, he shouldn’t do that either on your part.

No! It’s accepting him with all the weaknesses he has, and trusting him that he will change for your good.

That you have aired your grievances, but trust him enough to find or be better for you.

He is not perfect, and you are no angel by the way! Probably he doesn’t like some habit you have, but he winks! So why not accept him, and let him be? You want to twist his arm instead.

If you don’t accept him and support him, you will push your husband to be spending extra hours at work, and not that he is busy, but because you are contentious! The bible says that is better to live in the desert that be with a contentious woman! How bad is that? Desert?

It’s bad enough when it’s sunny in Nairobi, so what of being a wayfarer in the desert? Accept your man, and trust that he is doing his best.

His Diet continues!

#marriageworks #Godspeed.

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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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My Journey of Marriage- PART 2

Posted on May 11, 2016

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Next PostMarriage Diet Part 3-His Diet!

2 Comments

  1. Gail
    2 years ago

    Thank you for your words of wisdom.

    Reply
    1. Mary Munene
      2 years ago

      Amen Gail.Thank you, am humbled.

      Reply

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