I bumped into one of my girlfriends, whom we had lost contact for a while now. I was busy shopping at Tuskys supermarket, at the ladies section and there she was!
She looked gorgeous, we talked for a while, exchanged a couple of pleasantries, and then she tells me, Mary, I don’t think I will ever get married am 30!
I really wanted to give her a definite answer, but, all I told her is what I always tell every single lady I meet. We all know this song; it’s a beautiful worship song. I surrender all to you…Everything I give you too…Withholding nothing… I give myself…so you can use me…I give myself away…
Just surrender it all. The act of ultimate surrender is hard but it’s the only ticket am sure of.
For real. I spent days dating guys I was sure I wouldn’t marry or have a future with. I could feel it’s NOT right, but still clung on for fear of being alone. I had copious opportunities presented by God to cut off, but I still clung on. I didn’t want to be alone. Or worse, not getting a valentine’s day out! How lame!
My conscious talked to me daily, I know God for sure conjured some of His own ways to get rid of these guys, but there I was, pushing every whisper away.
I clung on and slowly, my spirit was fading, my attachment to Christ, was there, but so faded. My glory was fading. I could feel myself slowly withering, but as usual, I kept reassuring myself that all is well.
I went to church, every Sunday, the Lord would rebuke me, but I still clung on. I was an active member of the ministry, but I want right with God. I knew something was not right within me. Men! I was so tired. Tired of crying every day, tired of proving myself worthy. Could they really see my worth?
Yet I had pegged my identity on them and not on Christ? I was tired of the heart breaks, tired of holding onto loose broken strings, tired of things not working out. I was so exhausted. Exhausted of living a lie, even to myself.
I remember, one Sunday morning in my second year in campus, I woke up very early, and went all the way from KU to CITAM Valley road. I wept during that first service, I wept during the second service. I wept as I was in that bus. I remember the conductor asking me if I was alright. I told him I just had a bad cold.
I wept my heart out to God and told Him to take over. I surrendered all and everything. I knew I would be lonely, but all the bad relationships I had to go.
My wardrobe had to change. The full attire. My walk since then was lonely. Literally, I had no one but me. No friends, no boyfriend, just me and God. I let go.
I decided to focus on God with my whole life, not just a part of it. I decided to trust Him with the very tiniest details of my life. I ultimately surrendered. Funny how God works. When your strength stops, when you stop, then He starts, He moves. He proves Himself stronger than ever before.
He gives you what I call, the overdrive anointing. The one that He gave Elijah that he overtook King Ahab’s chariots. He works all out for good. He gave me a man who brought out every buried talent in me.
A man who brought out the best in me. A man who could pray more than I was, fast more than I was. A man who was deeply engraved into Christ. A man who could worship without caring if anyone was watching, including me!
I sure did give him a run for his time, because I was so tired of being yoked to things that drag me down. So yeah! I couldn’t just accept Him. God had to prove it is Him. He sure did. Without a doubt, I saw Christ in him. My life took the best turn.
Today, I have no regrets of ever walking that lonely path. In the valley, He was molding me. He was teaching me to trust in Him because He knew in marriage, I would only need His wire, and I would need the Lord full throttle.
He taught me that my strength should be Him alone. He is my joy, not the man that He will bless me with. He taught me that my expectations should be on Him alone -Psalms 62. He clothed me with His presence, His countenance. I was not lonely anymore. He filled that void. He taught me to trust in Him alone.
I learnt to trust in the Lord during that lonely time. So when my hubby is away, I only tune to “Heaven’s FM”! I ask, I seek, and I knock and trust that He’s working for my good, just as He did when I was in campus. So, to all my single sisters, singleness is not a sin.
It certainly is a lonely walk, but the Lord is there. He is waiting for you to stretch out your hand too, and He will prop you.
It’s a time to learn how to trust in the Lord. It is to be enjoyed, but fully immersed into Christ.
Surrender it all to God. Quit clinging onto that guy, and for sure you cannot see a future with him. Quit sleeping with him, in hopes that he will miraculously commit. Let Him teach you your worth sister. Your worth is not on that man who treats you so bad, yet you cling on.
Surrender it all. It’s a lonely walk. Everyone will be at Galitoz or JAVA save for you, but it is worth every pain.
Let go and let God. Go back to the cross. Boaz will find you there, at the feet of Jesus.
#mytestimony #marriageworks #Godspeed