So there I was, after the Sunday service at CITAM, and being a campus chic who had really little to spend and working on a tight budget.
I went over to KenChic, bought a packet of fries and a samosa, and sat down to eat as I replayed the whole day again and again.
I was feeling more accomplished than anyone else.
I felt motivated and determined to be a better me. I was in high spirit. I mean, the Lord has just given me a take two. A second chance to re-write anything amiss.
Afterwards, I walked to Ronald Ngala Street and got the KU “matatus.”
I remember walking to my hostel and there was this still voice asking me,
THE VOICE: “Are you ready?”
MY MIND: “I have always been fighting battles”, “I have endured harsh talks, slander and so forth sooooooo.” yes!” “I’m ready!”
Then, I heard again…
THE VOICE… “Not that kind..,” “Are you ready for a re-mold?”
Now that scared me!
MY MIND: “Re-mold???” “I am really fine.” “Just a few miss-steps, I hadn’t wandered off much…” “Re-mold, that is way too much right now!”
THE VOICE: “Well, if you can’t be willing now, the test will still be waiting,” “your choice!”
Trust me that bugged me for a while until I said, “Okay Lord, re-mold it is.”
That was when my wilderness began, and it was not funny!
I always read the story of the children of Israel again and again and I can’t help relate it to many of us. I included.
I was in a place enjoying the Lord’s grace, and well, I got used to being with God until I started taking everything for granted, whatever He did for me – I was so used to it.
I was used to His protection and Him babying me!
I was used to the succulent watermelons and the lettuce.
Now, I had to get ready to eat “maro“, as we used to call it, “githeri” i.e. I had to grow up!
I had to be trained for what was to come. I had to be ready to be a wife, and a wife who cannot be swayed by the winds of life. Again, it was not funny!
- I had to re-learn how to live in accordance to God’s will. Exchange my will with His will.
That was hard. It was hard exchanging my comfortable life for God’s will.
I mean I was easy, I was okay. I was fine. Now suddenly, I had to do a trade off with God. Totally surrender?
I am one person who likes being in control of a situation. I like knowing the details to the end. Planning and executing everything single-handedly.
Now, I had to learn to trust. Trust in Him, trust in His promises, His timing, His work. I had to re-learn that.
So wherever anyone tried to approach me, instead of relying on my guts, my judgment, I had to go back and ask.
Funny enough, for some guys who approached me, the answer was a clear no, for some, God was doing “things” and pulling strings just for Him to show me “Naaaahh” “it ain’t him!”
For some, it was from the onset, our paths were totally different, so it wouldn’t have ever worked, no matter how “hot they were”. I had to trust the Lord again.
He gave me bitter waters of Marah, just like the children of Israel, and watched me to see if I could trust him enough to heal that water, fit enough to be drunk.
I always say that, that was where He taught me to pray, “Lord, ripple the waters, I need to know if this is the direction, if this is the guy or not!”
He used to ripple them, and it was not comfortable. Suddenly, some guy who was approaching quits talking to me, suddenly they are busy…bla bla bla.
For sure, a man who loves you will work so hard, and move mountains just to be with you.
He quits talking, get moving gal!
Your life shouldn’t stop because he is not talking to you.
But that doesn’t come easy, unless you shift your focus from “the created” to “The Creator”, The Only HIM! THE LORD!
[bctt tweet=”Shift your focus from “the created” to “The Creator”, The Only HIM! THE LORD!” username=”httpstwittercommarymwnglangen”]
How many of you ladies are so sure that well, this guy isn’t the right one, but for fear of looking ‘alone’, you still hold on?
For fear of not having some juicy tidbits to your girlfriends, you still hold on.
He still treats you wrong and you are not yet married, but you still cling on!
How many more are even afraid to pray, “Lord, cut me off from this guy if he is not part of the plans you had for me!”
Actually, how many of us even pray?
Not just praying, “God give me a guy“, but praying that His perfect will, be done.
I know some of us even sort of blackmail God, “God if you don’t give me a guy by end of the year, I will quit on you!”
Trust me, God is so self-sustaining and self-sufficient, He doesn’t need you to function, but you need Him.
Learn to live an exchanged life. Learn to live in reckless abandon of your cares to Christ. A life that He leads, and you follow, not the vice versa.
Exchange your permissive will for His Perfect will. He knows best.
[bctt tweet=”Exchange your permissive will for His Perfect will. He knows best.” username=”httpstwittercommarymwnglangen”]
The waters might be bitter, but trust Him to heal that water.
2. He provided manna not barbecue! I had to eat what HE gave.
There I was calling Him Jehovah Jireh, thinking He would sort me to the fullest, give me a great guy ASAP! BUT NOOO!
No man came! Shock on me. He had to prepare me first!
I sat in Java waiting to be spotted. But no one ever looked at me! I worshipped with eyes wandering to see if someone was looking my way but everyone was soaked in the presence of God.
I needed to unpack my bags!
I had baggage!
The Lord has to take me to His gym! Shed off anything not right! Unwanted baggage and HE put me on HIS diet!
HE gave me manna first, and promised me a land of milk and honey future. If I obeyed!
I had to trust that this food was what will sustain me in future.
Manna was a gift food from heaven, to the children of Israel. It had to be collected daily and not to be stored. If stored, it would go bad.
I wanted barbecue. I didn’t want that work of collecting “food” daily.
Then God says, “I need you to learn to collect and store.” “You will need my food.”
His food was the WORD! I had to increase my collection rate.
Constantly feeding on His WORD, His food. He knew I would need it!
I needed to soak in too. Learn His promises by heart and shift my focus from being affirmed by others to being affirmed by Christ!
My marriage is God from the beginning to the end.
I only had God to inquire of my husband’s safety when He was away.
I only had the Lord’s shoulder to lean on when I could hear of something amiss in their mission.
My phone couldn’t help me. My friends couldn’t be there always, but God is. He was my present help. He still is.
He is the Lord who sticks closer than a brother and closest to the broken hearted!
I only had God to remind me of His promises. His WORD! The food He gave me in the wilderness. They food HE MADE ME TAKE!
I didn’t understand it then, but 10 years down, I understand why he had to insist and place it so hard on me to eat of his “Food”! His WORD!
I found my worth in the wilderness. I found my worth in the Lord. Not on the vain of materialism. Not on anyone. Not on my ministry, or work, not even my husband! My worth was in the Lord almighty.
He became my shepherd, I was not in want. He restored my strength.
Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.
He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Every army wife will tell you, the worry can kill you faster than anything else. But the Lord was telling me He is enough.
He taught me that He not only heals but sustains.
His rod was there to flog me, but a His staff comforted and led me. I became His faithful follower.
3. My link above had to be complete. Upward it was!
That could never happen except by having the Walk of faith daily through the Holy Spirit.
I had to strike the Rock at Horeb- The Rock my savior, and drink of that water, I had to constantly walk with my tuned antenna and trust the work that the Holy spirit was doing in my life.
My link had to be from me…upwards.
By the time I was meeting my husband to be then, he just came to complement me…I was whole in Christ.
In fact, I wasn’t looking forward to marriage. I was really whole in Christ.
Well my husband found me at the feet of Jesus, am proud of that and boast of knowing my saviour and together, had a vision and a purpose for the glory of God.
I was complete in Christ. I found myself.
We were both in the Potter’s hands. Being molded for each other for His glory.
Of course every relationship has challenges, and ours was no exception, but my upward link was active, and so was his.
We constantly ran to the Master, the Lord who sustains and heals for anything we felt amiss.
We still do. Our marriage is God first then us.
In the wilderness the Lord re-molded me.
Thank God daily for taking you through some hard stuff in your life.
He doesn’t hate you, it only proves He has a higher calling for you. Greater than your own imagination.
So instead of quitting on the Lord for not giving you a guy soon enough, a marriage when you anticipated, a job, a promotion, or a child, keep on trusting Him to heal the bitter waters of Marah, keep on taking the word of God and internalize His promises, keep your upward link active.
The wilderness should make you stronger and better if not the best.
Waiting on the Lord is the Rule. Not the exception.
Accept to be re-molded!
# marriageworks # Godspeed.
Image By Budzlife