In Marriage Matters

SExpectations in Marriage!

Here I am away from home. It’s been a week and I can’t wait to see my hubby! A week! Mostly he is the one who is always away so sometimes it feels weird being in his shoes. I had to leave him comfortable enough for the week! That’s another topic for another day!

But for now, i have some expectations! If only he knew what I expect to find once I walk into that living room! Fresh lilies, orchids, and tulips!

Perfectly arranged house! No dishes in the sink! No dust! No socks in the shoes!

Ofcourse a candle lit dinner with a big card saying “WELCOME HOME WIFEY!”

I know he is already reading through and thinking…ehhh..then…*cough*…*cough*!

That was just but a way of showing you that we all have expectations, as human beings, and it is okay!

Okay back to the serious topic! Ohhhhhhh! My head! Ohhhh my mouth! Oohhhh my gums! ***goose bumps***in this topic! (Of course I don’t have them, but I know you are anxious to read through right?)

It is one of those topics that is “hush hush”.” Talk in low tones.” ” Do not shout!” thing. Or for others… “This is a sinful speech!” “Abomination!”

What makes me wonder is that, even in some bridal showers some words cannot be mentioned, whatever she will need to carry over her honeymoon is hid under a mamaz skirt as she trudges toward the bride to be.

If it’s an older woman, she goes “Hide this, we cannot talk about this, it’s taboo!” Codes and Codes! For Christ’s sake! She is getting married so yell it to her ear! She needs every information before she says I DO! I don’t understand all the secrecy especially among Christians! It is everywhere! Rachetness is everywhere, so why not shed the light of Christ and illuminate the evil with the word out the power of God!

The word of God that says Sex is beautiful in the confines of marriage.

There is more beauty to sex than vice.

I said it! It’s beautiful! It was God made, so I don’t know why we want to light the lamp and hide it under the table!

I mean…I have a 7 year old daughter-friend, a girl. She is called Rahab. I love her like my daughter.

Actually, I don’t consider her a friend, she is more of my daughter because, whatever she asks me or tells me…it’s more than a friendly tete-a-tete.

If a 7 year old can ask me questions to do with sex and intimacy, why wouldn’t we be bold enough to talk about sex, and its place in marriage? Especially Christians!

I was in one bridal shower last year, and everything was coded!

I was super bored!! The mamas who were apparently talking to her we all like… “Just pray, just pray, no need to talk, just do it!” Praying, Yes there is that but heeeeeey.. She needs to be told the whys, everything as a godly woman. Godly older women need to rise up and take up their roles as Titus says in the Word!

The Lord says that “My people perish for lack of knowledge!” It’s the lack knowledge and the application thereof -wisdom -that causes people to stumble!

Hosea 4:6

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge,
I also will reject you from being priest for Me; Because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.

God’s children perish because they don’t want to acquire knowledge!
God expands your knowledge with His wisdom!
Wisdom to apply the knowledge you have acquired!

Be one who is eager to get knowledge! Read books, read the word, get knowledge! It is even worse because it is a topic that is not spoken in the Churches nowadays! Youths get the information from other wrong sources and not the priests and the spiritual parents in the church. Ask anyone in church, most youths have information about sex but from all the wrong sources, they are not taught it’s place in marriage!

Then we go praying for God to give us spouses yet we have dysfunctional youths who have more issues to deal with and cannot handle marriage!

Their idea of marriage is skewed towards their own bedroom interest. The other partner matters less. They get married and immediately the sex issue happens, they have no idea how to deal with it because it was a “no go zone topic ” during counseling. Maybe it wasn’t even mentioned… But in reality, the man has got his expectations carved from his previous relationships (another topic) and you got yours or NONE!!

The TV and the weird radio stations are so hyped in spreading the “sex gospel”, but no one is bold enough to come out and say, It is beautiful but this is the way!

I love to talk to the youth about sex, and where God intended it to be, but today, it’s SExpecations in marriage!

We are all victims, both men and women.

Our attitudes, expectations and imaginations are shaped by the environment we are in and the people we interact with.

You watch La mujer, Trouble el paraisio, Telemundo, and one that I see Citizen TV advertising daily. We read the Sidney Sheldon books etc., then the expectation, is that your hubby will act the same way as Alejandro did in that last episode. That he will walk bare foot to your office as he comes to reconcile with you, hire a whole band to serenade you, kiss you under the rain…and whisk you off to your love nest!

Most people when they get married, they aren’t told that it is okay to communicate your SExpections.

You are instead told to pray. Again I am not belittling the Power of prayer, but after prayer, there’s communication!

Communication of YOUR EXPECTATIONS TO YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE!

Blood is to the body as communication is to marriage. You cannot survive without talking, and listening to your spouse!

As I said it is a “hush hush!” topic. We assume that our spouses will automatically know what okay is for us.

We expect to find a candle lit dinner set by our husbands before anything goes down then shock! He was sited waiting for you! Waiting for you to cook, clean and be a mega-woman later!

He expects you to shop some intoxicating lingerie, then, you put on “DAWANOL,” “MUTWIRI FOR GOVERNOR” “WACHA MPANGO WA KANDO” T-SHIRTS and some smelly brown torn stockings on your head, some fluffy socks that have not been washed for a week because it is cold! Before bed!

Whether we want to believe it or not, it does put a strain in marriage.

We all have expectations, and SExpections at that, and they are God given, but we are not keen to communicate the same to our spouses.

Sex was created to be enjoyed in the confines of marriage, by both partners (not just the men alone) and it is beautiful. Sex within marriage eliminates a million uncertainties’ that come with pre-marital sex, but with that said, couples still get into marriage with a lot of unspoken expectations.

Even couples who are engaged, marrying within a week don’t talk. They can talk about children, then skip sex, talk about finances, skip sex, talk about religion, skip sex…it taboo apparently!

No wonder when they get into marriage, the same is extended there, they still don’t talk to each other.

How can they even start? They didn’t talk about it when dating, when courting, so how do they start? In marriage? We prefer watching movies that are sexually charged than talking to our spouses about it!

To the guys who are dating or beginning to date! You go to IMAX, watch some movies with sex innuendos, then you both say, “It was niceeeeeeee!” Okay you guys haven’t asked each other questions that relate to your values! Not the interests! Values!

Like “what did you think about them kissing?” “What of the sex?” “Do you think it’s right?” Please don’t mistake interests for values!

You both could have similar interests but different values! Don’t be surprised if him/her, wants to duplicate whatever was in the movies! Don’t just talk about your interests! “I love going to IMAX!” Bla bla bla. You should plumb in deeper, to know what values you share past the interest of the IMAX movies!

Back to my topic. When God created Adam and Eve they were “naked and unashamed”.

They were comfortable being free with each other…Sin came and corrupted the way God had intended marriage and sex to be.

He had to sacrifice His Son to bring us back to where marriage in the garden was supposed to be. The two had to be one flesh…and that means they had to consummate their union. SEX is therefore not a side issue with God. It is a main issue.

Believe it or not, if you do not find satisfaction in your wife or husband, you are in for trouble.

First and foremost, God created Sex for these purposes.

  1. Procreation

Genesis 1:28

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

In other words, God was saying, “Go get children of your own”.

Although children shouldn’t be a reason in getting married, they shouldn’t break your marriage either.

They are gifts. They are a heritage. They can come or not. Whichever will God has for both of you, lack of children shouldn’t cause a rift between you two!

So quit pressuring people to have children! When they will come, it’s upto the Lord!

2. Recreation

Proverbs 5:16-19

Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone,never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Why lie, sex in marriage is fun! God is fun! God is just a genius! To create sex, takes a genius!

I mean, if God made it so open in the Word, His Word, why are believers who know the word of the Lord and the right precepts so quiet or embarrassed in talking about matters sex? Even in marriage, where you should be ‘naked and unashamed?’ Trust me the Bible verses you purport to be “racy” and embarrass or shock you, don’t shock our God.

He is not surprised. Like “Ooops! Mary is naked! ” “gosh! ”

He is the one who created those chemicals inside the man and woman and said, “It is beautiful…” So husband and wife are supposed to enjoy each other and simply have fun.

I have heard some people say that sex is just for procreation, I beg to differ. It is biblical to have fun with your spouse…please don’t make sex to sound like some exam that needs to be finished in an hour and the results handed out ASAP!

Be happy in each other’s arms!

3. Worship to God.

First of all, let’s remember the children of Israel. Every time there was idol worship, they whored around, they fornicated and committed adultery

Sex is worship to the Lord.

It is an expression of the Love of Christ to the church. It’s creates INTIMACY! God continues to tell us to keep our marriage bed holy and unadulterated. Chastity is worship to God.

So every time you choose your husband over a “sponsor” you worship the Lord.

Every time you choose your wife over some strange woman who is trying to get you to bed you, worship God.

Every time, you say no to advances that could compromise you, you worship God.

Paul tells spouses not to deny themselves to each other except for those days mutually agreed for purposes of prayer.

Sex is a selfless act in marriage. Please note I have said in marriage. Am not talking about premarital sex where most of time the drive is just about satisfying a raging appetite called lust! Sex in the confines of marriage reminds us to be selfless to each other. It is an expression of love that is not only Eros- the stimulating love, not only Philia -the friendship sort of love, but Agape, the unconditional love.

It is a love that gives and gives and finds utmost pleasure in giving despite the shortcomings of the other.

Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and we should honor the Lord with our bodies.

God created sex to bond the husband and the wife. It is sacred!

Sex is worship to the Lord and an act of ultimate surrender.

PART 2…CONTINUES….

#marriageworks #Godspeed

 

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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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