Whatever SExpectations you have.
I would like to say this. Let’s not preach about purity but we not talk about sex especially in church. It is basically a raw deal!
Pr-marital counseling shouldn’t just brush though things. Expectations and SExpections become so real once you say I DO. If no one told you how to handle them, then the marriage ship will rock.
The Marriage “probiotic” in expectations, is trying to adjust in, not trying to fix in your way! Being so fixated in what YOU KNOW won’t do you any good! Marriage doesn’t need hard heads and hardliners!
Let’s us not be half-baked Christians! With half-baked marriages! An effective Christian has always two things at hand, A BIBLE AND A NEWSPAPER and a BOOK!
The newspaper or the book, gives you knowledge of what is around you. THE BIBLE helps you to shape what you have seen around you!
- Make sure that the fuel is right. In other words pornographic movies shouldn’t fuel your SExpectations. Pornographic movies have a way of taking us from the realism of issues that we could be facing or even challenges in the marriage to a fantasy world of assumptions.
Remember what the Philippians were told
Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Marriage is honorable and the bed should remain holy. Pornographic stuff doesn’t make sex any better. It even robs you of creative ways to please your wife or husband and shifts the concentration from your spouse to yourself. It will rob you the joy and satisfaction of being there for the other person.
- Put your spouse before yourself. First in regards to faithfulness. Be faithful to your vows. Secondly, shift your goals from yourself to your husband or wife. I pleasing my husband has got all the reasons to do with him. Yes, there are days he might see am exhausted from work but how beautiful it is when he lets me be…then because of the care he has shown me, I simply can’t let that gesture pass…I totally yield in love to him.
DO NOT EXPECT GET, EXPECT TO GIVE.
Practice putting each other first. Let the self-die even in intimacy!
- Do not use sex as a weapon to your husband or wife. The expectation that translates to SExpectations, especially to women, is that he wronged you …so he should make up before anything gives down. I tell ladies being a wife is a calling. Of course am not encouraging a pass for bad behavior or blind obedience, am encouraging obedience to God.
Both of you should try resolve your differences before anything.
It is worship, and God cannot accept a sacrifice of worship with anger and bitterness in your hearts. So deal with your issues first!
- Do not compare your husband/wife to whatever you have watched, or your past!
You don’t buy me flowers like so and so! I watched in the movies so and so doing this first!
Some of you are so unwise to even brig your past back! Shame on you!
If you buried your past, it was finished! Disconnect yourself and let the Blood of Jesus cleanse you again. If you are dissatisfied, then comes point number 5! Learn together ways of making your intimacy great! Please don’t poke into your man’s ego! Especially a man’s ego!
- Talk about your SExpectations to your spouse. Many couples don’t talk about their intimacy. Funny enough they talk about it in their offices and to their friends. I mean, when was the last time you conveyed your SExpectations to your spouse? Actually have you ever?
We watch more than we talk. Forgive me but Christians should lead by example but nooooo…..its taboo….to talk. Well, no wonder the failure of many Christian marriages!
You got to talk!
Did you know that intercourse means communication? Personally I didn’t until I was interested to check it out! So every couple should always have intercourse about their intercourse!
Talk about it! Ask your hubby what he thinks about it. Ask your wife how he feels about it. What annoys him or turns him off, what turns her off. You will be shocked probably your smelling armpits were the only hindrance to your happily ever after!
He doesn’t find you unattractive, it is only the sweat that makes him a bit uncomfortable! So, just shave off and make love! WIN-WIN!
Find ways to make each other happy. Give yourself to the happiness of the other!
We should not be ashamed to talk about that which God was not ashamed to create.
If you can talk about your SExpectations to your spouse then kudos! Your connection is deep! Why? Because in telling someone “I love it when you touch me here…” Requires a connection that is more than cosmetic or superficial! It tells them, “You are more than a friend to me!”
Sooooo..Talk and talk…
Personally we have made our endeavor to talk about everything and anything! It makes marriage so worthwhile!
Maintain honesty in your talks!
- To my fellow wives, he doesn’t need to keep initiating sex or to be intimate with you. As I told you in the marriage diet, one of the greatest need of a man is admiration, respect and of course, there is sex. They are testosterone beings! Their ego, identity, work, drive is all testosterone driven.
So how about initiating it too! Make him feel needed and loved. Make him know that you miss him and you desire him. Please, there is nothing wrong with telling your husband he is only one who turns you on!
Songs of Solomon is a whole book about intimacy between a husband and wife, it doesn’t shock God! He rejoices in intimacy between a husband and wife!
So Mrs. Get him to come home by 5! Because he knows a beautiful charming wife is waiting for him!
- Let love guide your intimacy. Sex is not love. It will never be love. It is an expression of it. Love bears all things! Times come and due to illness, stress or other factors, you might be intimate with your husband or wife. Bear it through and help each other. Don’t be critical of each other, but be encouraging and supportive.
- Match your SExpectations to GOD’s expectations.
He created SEX for procreation, recreation or fun with your spouse, and to worship Him for His unending wisdom. Anything outside the confine of marriage is sin and not in God’s will.
Orgies are not God’s expectations about Sex.
Swapping wives apparently to spice marriage, is detestable and an outright sin, its adultery. Not the decorated version so spoken.
Bestiality is not in the Lord’s will.
It is an abomination. The list is endless.
Am not a judge, I just mirror my walk to the Word and Christ. Am sorry if it offends you dear, but it’s the absolute truth no matter how we have decorated sin.
Christians, should be on the forefront to talk about issues that ail this generation but we don’t, for fear of being branded, embarrassment, or maybe we don’t want to lose our friends and our social status, we compromise.
We do not talk to the youth on matters sex yet we are the first to point fingers. We do not talk to our spouses, about anything, we do not do LOVE, we do not communicate no wonder we compromise our friends who are straying in their marriages and we “sooth” them.
Sex is beautiful in the confines of marriage. It is not only for procreation or fun, it is worship. So husband and wife should worship the Lord with their bodies, as they keep their marriage holy before the Lord.
Whatever SExpectations you have. Talk to your husband or wife. Please don’t compromise what the Lord intended to be beautiful, don’t cheapen it and don’t degrade its value!
HAVE INTERCOURSE ABOUT INTERCOURSE! Talk about your SEXPECTIONS!
To my loving husband for being the leader in our family. For your encouragement and love as I disturb you in the middle of the night with my random thoughts! For doing all you can to make our marriage rock! For submitting to Christ as HE leads you and teaches you.
I love you my John!