The 4cs’ of Marriage

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Hey lovelies! Am back! Ready to share what God taught me this week. We happened to be in a place full of diamonds! OMG!  I loved those diamonds!

Yes, lots of big diamonds with tons of carats and colors! This is what the Lord taught me! The 4cs’ of Marriage

Diamonds are just breath taking…It took me back to my wedding day.

(…Nostalgic…)

I remember that morning like it was yesterday. The morning was cold and chilly.

I looked up to the sky at around 5am and told God, “Daddy, it’s my day, walk with me from today henceforth.” I showered, prepared and by 11 we were in church.

It was suddenly sinking in. “Am becoming a wife…wife…. wife…wife….”

…The aisle was long… There stood my John…

By then, I knew I had married 1 person…but later I came to find I got married to 3 people! Yes 3!

Total, we had 6 personas at the altar!

  1. The man who I thought I knew for we had dated and courted for quite a long time…
  2. The woman he thought he knew…
  3. The man whom he thought he was….
  4. The woman I thought I was…
  5. The man he is now…
  6. The woman I am now…

SEE? 6 PEOPLE!

Marriage happened and we realized it would take more than just saying we are married.

There is a lot of responsibility that comes with a name, ‘Husband’ or ‘wife.’ We needed to be fused, not glued! Imagine two elements, coming together to be one. One functional core unit.

From coal to diamonds.

We knew we had to transform, and transform as a unit. Well, the roses are good, but they do have thorns! Marriage is not always as smooth. Your spouse might not be your source of pressure, but it can come from without. Heat and pressure was part of our marriage to fuse all those personas together and come out better.

The amorphous Selves’ had to die! We needed to be one at heart, mind, body, soul and spirit. Moving in the same direction with the same vision for our family!

We needed to be fused! The fusion process is not easy…it’s hard…but achievable…but…it’s a process. Marriage is like the process of turning coal into diamond.

Let me give you a brief of the two elements Diamonds are basically pure carbon formed into a crystalline structure. I repeat again. Pure carbon.

Coal is also mostly carbon. It is hardly pure. In fact, coal has other substances, like nitrogen, oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, selenium and mercury. Depending on the type of coal and its source, it will also contain various levels of organic materials.

Coal is made from decaying plants, fungi and even bacteria — as well as moisture. These impurities alone prevent coal from being turned into diamonds. When we both got married, honestly, none of us was a diamond. We are still in the process but trust me, by then, we were more of coal than anything else!

So are you! Total coal. Most of us are so full of expectations, selfish, and still in the “me, myself and I” zone. The ‘we’ mentality doesn’t really kick in ASAP. Everyone is still single in mind! “Miss independent Mrs. and Mr. independent I, with a very fat ego!”

If coal remains as coal, it doesn’t bring in any good. It is useless. In fact, it contributes to acid rain. Diamonds on the other hand, are really hard, with an incomparable luster. They not found on the surface.

You will need to dig deep to get diamonds. To transform carbon to diamonds, another factor that plays in is heat, and large amounts of heat! Heat and pressure work together to crystallize carbon into diamond.

With impurities in play, coal cannot form a perfect bond. The impurities cannot allow coal to be bonded. Instead, it disintegrates. Diamond on the other hand is pure, with a very strong bond between the crystallized structures. No wonder it’s used as a drilling bit!

Heat and pressure turns coal into diamond. My question to you is, how does heat and pressure affect your marriage? How will heat and pressure affect your marriage?

Heat from in-laws, loss of a job, having children or lack of them thereof, finances, chastity… how will that heat affect you? Unfortunately, we are a ‘microwave’ generation. We want things fast; we want things now. We do not want the process of transforming coal into diamond.

We want the honey, but we do not want to do bee keeping. We want to drink the milk, but we do not want to wake up at first light, and milk the cows. We want the diamonds in our marriages, we want our marriages to be extraordinary but we do not want the hustle and the daily toil of giving anything extra to your spouse!

We only put on diamond rings with no significance whatsoever. Gal, a fat ring with a 32 carat of diamond, is not a guarantee to a happily ever after! Coal does not turn into diamond overnight. It takes years of heat and pressure.

Most of us, when heat and pressure come into our relationships and marriages, we come out bitter not better. We get stuck. We do not move on. We don’t find the lessons to make our marriages better.

We blame each other for the failures, the heat, the pressure, and find fault in things that are not. Heat and pressure consumes us instead of infusing us.

We end up being sucked up in the vortex of bitterness towards our spouses, unforgiveness, and hatred.

Instead of handling the pressure that comes from the in laws, finances, balancing work and family, it creates a bigger rift between the two of you. We cave in to other people’s expectations rather than remain in the unity of marriage.

Such are the questions we find ourselves battling with constantly, but the pressure we encounter should infuse us together.

“You should build a house like so and so…”

“Why aren’t you getting pregnant?”

“Why aren’t you buying a car?”

“Why aren’t your kids attending a better school?”

Unfortunately, you build expectations towards each other, rather than accept each other for who you are. Soon you cave in! Heat and pressure should turn the coal in your marriage to diamond.

You should be infused together so much that people cannot know the beginning from the end of each other and vice versa. Together, you should be one. I insist on looking because there are some couples who are married by name only, but together, they have little or no chemistry at all!

The cut has to be seamless! Seek to be infused into each other! Your marriage should turn into a gem. A precious diamond. Diamond has 4Cs’

  1. Cut

Of all the Cs, the Cut has the greatest impact on a diamonds value.

Diamonds need the experts’ cut, otherwise, a wrong cut degrades the values of the diamond. in your marriage, Mr. and Mrs., who is the person that trims you?

Who gives you your cut?

My hubby and I have learnt to let God trim us! He shapes us, he gives us our cut, daily.

The process is not easy but His cut gives us our value. His cut is perfect and it lasts!

  1. Color

Diamonds come in many colors depending on “how deep” they are found in the ground and “how pure” they are.

Colorless diamonds are rare and found way deep in the ground. They have been subjected to heat and pressure and they are so pure. What type of diamond do you want your marriage to be?

The purer they are the rarer they are. Make your marriage rare. You don’t need a normal marriage. You need to make your marriage extraordinary! And rare! Aim for that!

  1. Clarity

Colored diamonds have some blemishes. Pure diamonds are very clear! Diamonds without blemishes are very rare.

Marriage is not always smooth, but heat and pressure shouldn’t cause blemishes and dents in your marriage.

It should be purified and come out of the pressure of life better!

  1. Carat

Of course, the larger the diamond, the more weight it has and more expensive!

Your marriage should never have a price! It should have so much weight in your life than anything else!

Your marriage comes first, not your job! Or ministry! Or career! If I don’t put my hubby first, then I have a problem!

He should come first, before all and sundry!

First, the process is not easy, but do accept the process.The process can only be easier if you accept to go through the change and the fusion process.

Marriage is the highest form of all relationships and it requires two mature people who are willing.

Secondly, you cannot turn coal with impurities into diamonds. Diamonds are pure and so should your marriage be.

Keep it pure. How?

Boundaries and thick boundaries at that especially to the opposite sex.

No one is immune to sin, especially to sexual sin…so do not tiptoe around the fire thinking it won’t burn you.

Boundaries to avoid the people who gossip your spouse.

Boundaries to friends who are negative and see no good in marriage, and discourage you!

Boundaries of late call ups!

Do not entertain any impurities in your marriage.

Last but not the least, pressure should bind you both. You should emerge stronger to withstand any future onslaught with a luster that radiates from far. Heat and pressure are good for marriage.

You will be finally confident to tackle on anything and make your marriage work. Heat and pressure should transform your marriage from coal to diamond.

 

#marriageworks #Godspeed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is your take?