You can never be the same person 1 year in to marriage…2 years…3 years, and counting.
As years pass, on, marriage molds you to be a different person. Different but way better than the former! That should be marriage. To change but change for the best!
When we initially started dating, just like any other crazy love…we were crazy! Not that we are not, but I can term that time as a budding phase.
The phase where you see only the good, glossy and shiny part of the man. His flaws are not visible or if they are, you assume them.
Then you keep going, and you realize, well, the man you have is not an angel.
You get married, with expectations and you end up failing each other on the first day. God teaches you that you have to adjust your expectations lest things don’t hold together. God teaches you to put your expectations on Him alone!
Experience tells us that marriage is actually harder than we think. As we grow in love and into each other, we come to realize that our initially held ideas about love, marriage, giving, all have to oscillate around God. The truth of God have to constantly mold us lest we grow self absorbed.
We realize that as much we hold onto our hopes, that should never be the focus. God must be magnified more than our marriages or selves!
That is marriage in a nut shell.
With time, God has taught me more than I could ever have imagined…He still is.
Now, am married to a different man. The man I walked down the aisle to years back, is not the same man, and it is a good thing.
I have come to see that change is good. Especially in marriage.
Let me tell you something, change especially in marriage is not always bad. It is good.
Probably, you used to be both carefree, more spontaneous than you both are now, more outgoing than you are currently, but just because the phase is either over or in it’s plateau, it doesn’t always signify a bad thing.
Of course when one thing simmers down, it has to be replaced with something better. A change in marriage, doesn’t always show that your marriage is dying, or not as fiery as you began.
Life has seasons. Once married, you are in the honeymoon phase. Everything is just as rosy as when you were dating. As you progress on, God teaches you that agape love serves. Different seasons of life bring out different persons.
The “you” or “I” personality takes a back seat and you learn to serve rather than being served. “We” takes over!
You learn to please rather than being pleased. You learn that your dating “contracts” no longer hold water, and you have to be always the first to give rather than being the first to expect to receive.
You learn to put the score cards away and counting how many time he took out the trash, how many times he helped cooking, how many times he helped shopping.
You learn to appreciate the tiniest things you do for each other.
The US takes center stage. It is no longer “I” but “WE.”
As a wife, you realize that your body is no longer yours and you can’t be pulling the “oh my head, “oh my tummy”, “oh my back” moments to put your hubby off.
You learn that there will be times you have to put all your “tiredness” aside and please your man! Sorry but that’s how it is.
I say am married to a different John because God has seasoned him more and faster than my tantrums, cries, or shouting would ever have.
What teaches us selflessness better than marriage? What teaches us patience, kindness, and gratitude better than marriage?
Selfless love is what he gives more. Selfless love is what I give more.
Probably you are there putting pressure on your husband to take you out as often, yet he is working so hard to give you a better house than you have.
If you keep your past yardstick, you won’t aim higher than what you are already used to.
You won’t see beauty of a love that has matured.
Dating life formed your foundation, now build the house!
Why most marriages fail is because most people do not want to come out of their comfortable zones.
Marriage shakes you out of your comfortable zone into a zone that you have to be the giver always! And most people are never prepared for that! You want to get and get yet do not put any effort into giving too!
Change happened too in our marriage but we resolved to see it this way;
- Change is good. Especially a change that aims to bring out the best out of each other. So any change should aim at improving each other.
Maybe your husband is having his evening classes to add a certificate that will give him a promotion.
So instead of castigating him for not spending so much time with you, celebrate that change. Support him and cheer him on.
Celebrate your wife, embrace her business ideas, push her to be better, than just “swallowing her up” in your own ideas.
- To achieve a good change, you have to be start off first. BE DIFFERENT FIRST! AND BE THE FIRST TO BRING IN THE GOOD in your marriage.
- Celebrate every change: There is a time for everything. A time to be single and a time to married. A time to be the two of you in the house and a time where the house will be super noisy with kids. Sooner than later, you will be empty nesters. Celebrate change.
- See the good in charge: Don’t always be negative. Not all change is bad. See the positive side of it. Enjoy the positive traits God is building in your marriage, in you and in your husband.
- Replace one thing with a better thing: Probably you can’t go out as often, why not have your date nights in your house? Cook together, have a walk together, read a book together. Keep your marriage alive by replacing one interest with better interests that unites you both.
- Remember that change is inevitable. Having a marriage that works requires two people who can be bent and remolded by God to give a perfect masterpiece. So if your spouse changes for good, and everything is different, celebrate. Why celebrate, it’s different but better! Who doesn’t like a better dress? A better house? A better job? Therefore, celebrate.
- Work out your marriage! Invest in it and see the returns! Yes there are changes, embrace them, adjust in, work your marriage out! That is God’s design. That you will both cleave to each other!
Always keep this in mind. Philippians 1:6
For it is God who works in you, both to will and do his good pleasure… And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.
Marriage begins and ends with God. He is the one who molds and transforms. Embrace it!
#marriageworks # Godspeed!