So after settling in from our honey moon, my hubby made me re-arrange all the clothes again! I mean! How?
I know you have heard the story.
He didn’t like how I had hung his clothes! After 27 years then, I had to ‘unlearn’ and learn how his things had to be done!
The miss independent in me couldn’t go down without a fight! My pride was hurt! How do you tell an educated lady that she doesn’t know what she is doing?
Trust me, our arguments were about “little” things. We never argued about those “big” things!
I had to go back to the Lord for the blue print! I needed to know how to approach my husband without provoking him.
Ladies, you might say this is too much. Well, the reason I talk to ladies so much is because by and large, the building part in our marriages is ours to do.
Yes, your husband has to do his part, but you get to build your marriage.
So, I went to God complaining how “Johnny is not good, not so caring, and not so nice to me.” Instead of the Lord soothing me, HE admonished me!
He rebuked me with a truth that helped my marriage from that day onwards. I was having a problem!
My attitude needed a change.
I remember my prayer.
ME…: “This guy is not so nice. ” “He demeans me God!”
THE SILENT WHISPER…: “You want to win? Lose the argument!”
ME…: “LOOSE! HOW!!” “I don’t like losing God, I don’t like it.”
THE SILENT WHISPER…: “I will be waiting.”
I couldn’t really back down from an argument. I would argue my case out till I win, no matter who gets hurt in the process.
I took that trait into my marriage. I would argue out with my hubby and in the process hurt him with my words too!
My lips were so imperfect!
Trust me, it has taken God to mold me, and mold my lips!…Am still not yet there but I keep re-doing what the Lord has taught me.
So my sister,
You want to win your husband? “Lose in the argument.”
You want to win your marriage? “Lose in the argument.”
What do I mean by that, I mean this, win by knowing when to articulate your issues. You need not talk when you are emotionally unstable, but wait until you have calmed down.
I am not encouraging blind obedience. Am not encouraging being subservient. No. I am encouraging, us to be virtuous women.
What do I mean by “loosing?”
- There is a time to talk. Don’t just talk.
My hubby comes home sometimes so tired. His work is a mouthful. It is in my purview to make a sanctuary for him before laying my grievance on the table.
The environment has to be super conducive for him and so should be the state of his mind and my mind too!
There is a time to talk ladies!
Wisdom calls for you to pinch yourself and hold your tongue till he is in the right state of mind to listen to you.
Wisdom calls you to withhold yourself for just a while.
Tantrums won’t make you win.
Screaming won’t make you win.
Avoiding his touch and contact won’t make you win.
Not cooking for him won’t make you win.
Hanging up while he calls you won’t make you win.
Taking down at him won’t make you win.
Abusing him won’t make you win.
Telling the whole world that he is a looser won’t make you win either!
- Hold your tongue Mrs.
Hold your tongue. It is hard, but if a lippy girl like me could do it, so can you!
If the loud me can do it so can you. Hold your tongue.
If it will mean being busy in the kitchen to cool of, do it! If it will mean listening to some music as you cool down do it!
If it means kneeling down for 15 minutes to pray do it! Hold your tongue!
That will guarantee peace in your house and you won’t need to spend time mending his broken ego, just because you couldn’t hold it together girlfriend!
I do pray, often. I do pray on my way home for grace to welcome him home. I do pray when I feel he has done something I don’t like, I do pray.
I pray because from there I get the strategy to use to approach my hubby!
At times I cook and pray for that food, that as I serve him, he will listen to me.
At times, I praise him into me correcting him and telling him my grievances.
At times, I surprise him with a gift first, then tell him how I feel about a certain issue.
At times I dance!
At times, I just go directly into telling him. It all depends with the direction I get after I pray. You think its cliche? Trust me! It’s not!
God does the impossible through the things we must consider “funny!”
- Use the words “I feel” rather than “You did this…You did that…
It really helps. When you use the words “you” “you” “you” it is accusatory, but if you use the words “I feel”, it makes you the subject but still remains as gentle not to arrange the one who had aggrieved you.
Complicated but not complicated.
Use a friendly tone. 90% of the arguments are about the tone used.
Do not shout. Do not yell. Tone is everything. An angry tone will blow everything out of proportion.
Tone helps to regulate the temperature of the talk no matter how sensitive the topic is.
See, you “lose” but you win and you are the bigger person at the end.
- Am sorry
It doesn’t make you any less. It is the last blow you give to the little fox called arguments. With that, the fox dies off completely…
Ladies, you want to sustain your marriages, Catch those little foxes! and many of them are arguments!
It’s either you are right, or you get to stay married. Choose what you want. I chose to win by losing in the arguments.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.