In Marriage Matters

Dear insecure lady…

Once upon a time, you were there or probably you are here as we speak.

You meet this guy and drop all your guards down for him.  He is the “Hercules” you have been waiting for. You have made him a demigod already. Yeah the buck stops with your candy man!

Of course at the beginning of any relationship, most ladies idolize their men. Am yet to come across a lady who doesn’t at first!

He gives you so much security that none of us matter anymore!

I mean, we can see you strutting across Kenyatta Avenue, wearing a deep cut top exposing your gargantuan boobs, because duh! He loves them right!

Yeah! The safe zone he creates for you is impermeable!

The chats are heated and fiery!  Oh sister in Christ.! “ Mungu amekuonekania”! So they say.

Months down, the relationship moves to a more mature zone, where everyone now begins to exude their true colors.

He doesn’t answer your texts as fast as he to. He seems preoccupied all the time. He is busy you know…

You used to chat till 4 o’clock but now he says that got to catch some sleep by 10 pm!

Oh he has a game to watch too! From 8pm to 10 pm, so you got to wrap up your conversation ASAP!

Changes that you didn’t anticipate begin happening.

The voice inside your head starts whispering. “He must be seeing another woman”. “He must be texting someone else.”

You first doubt, your looks. Of course every lady wants to have that edge, and you thought you got one.

So what is it?
The confidence you once had in yourself fades, your esteem wanes down, nothing seems to make sense save for the confusion you have.

Well, soon it begins to express itself as anger since you cannot pinpoint that he is cheating, and soon you turn to be a snoopy very snoopy angry wife.

Of course we tend to be preoccupied with our relationships at the beginning much more than the men.

I know God made us that way, and He wasn’t wrong to say we are the “Keepers of our homes”, but being keepers is not about snooping, it’s about trusting.

Definitely the man has to play his part, he has to be trustworthy too and partly that makes the reason as to why a wife can snoop on the husband depending on his previous encounters.

Trust is definitely earned, but you cannot go being a snooping rat in hopes that it will justify how you are feeling!

Why be a prisoner?

Relationship insecurities can affect anyone at anytime, but it takes you to make a conscious decision that you cannot allow yourself to go down that lane.

I have seen women rant at other women saved on their husband’s phone book yet there’s is basically nothing.

How sick can we allow ourselves to get at times?

Yes, there are many times another woman will try to throw herself at your husband, but it should be him dealing with that…With your help.

You can only inform him of your observation.

The problem is that we think we are always right in knowing how to deal with a situation!

You think shouting at him will work? Or ranting? Or turning a super spy on him?

From my observation, snooping is just a reaction or manifestation of whatever is ailing you as a family, or your relationship.

Issues like, are your boundaries with the opposite sex well defined?Are you trying hard to be interested in what your husband is interested in too? Do you trivialize him? Does he trivialize you too?

Do you maintain an open communication? That you can talk about anything without the need to self-entitle yourself?

The problem with insecurity is that it causes you to be needy and clingy at the same time, almost narcissistic.

It’s alright to need attention, but to what degree?  If you find yourself checking on your husbands maneuver after every hour, evaluate yourself.

One primary need a man has and is embedded in him is the need to be trusted.  That you have enough confidence in him to know he is good and he has your best interest at heart.

You cannot keep monitoring him! Again am not saying it’s not good to check up on each other. We do, more often than not. Every man should practice the art of checking up on his wife, if you want your marriage to work, so should you do your part as a man.

Nothing in marriage is extreme.

But the checking up, has to have a motive, and a genuine motive at that.

As yourself, when you keep calling your Mr X, is it a genuine concern, or is it a follow up?

Definitely that will be expressed in your attitude… How you talk.

A genuine concern is warm, a snoop is ALWAYS interrogative…  ” What are you doing?”, “Where are you?” , “Who are you with?” , “Why aren’t you calling me ?”, “Why is that place silent? ”

You begin assuming he must be talking to a colleague more than you, you snoop his Facebook, twitter, literally every social account he has.

I mean any sane person can read in between the lines. Probably the man was caught up in an ad-hoc meeting, give him a break!

Or he was just caught up in a light chat!

Please don’t be one of those ladies who makes the husband feels suffocated.

Don’t be one of those wives who put on bits and reins over their husbands and all they do is snoop and control.

If you feel he has changed, just be open about it at home, or when the atmosphere is conducive for a good talk. Do not be snoopy.

Stop snooping.

Mama and Papa told me you cannot keep a man by snooping; you keep him by being on your knees, in prayer, asking God to direct his paths always.

Unfortunately we have this righteous anger in us that just because you are not feeling the butterflies you used to, he must be the reason.

Could you be your own reason of unhappiness?

Sometimes they are not. Sometimes it’s the growth, and all you need to do is talk and adjust. Sometimes kids come and the quality time you used to spend together becomes rare. Again, you just need to talk and communicate to each other. Sometimes, some “foxes” could have crept in your marriage. Foxes that need to be caught. Sometimes it’s just us. You and me gal.

The self entitlement that we sometimes carry brings us to this rut.

We believe that it’s entirely the man’s responsibility to make us beam from end to end, and when he doesn’t you paint him as a “bad guy”, throwing at him hurtful barbs because you are not dealing with yourself.

You are responsible for your own attitude in marriage, not your husband. He is not responsible for the fear you have. It’s for you to sit down and talk, tell him how you feel. Sit down with yourself and retrace back to when the spark stopped and why. Sometimes, it just needs you to ask the Lord to guide you as you talk to your husband and subsequently change your attitude. Sometimes it takes you to love yourself more, and do things that benefit both of you instead of being a clingy woman!

Be the woman your husband needs, not a needy woman!

Quit snooping and instead turn to the Lord for help! Remember to communicate too!

Don’t let insecurity destroy your marriage.

#marriageworks #Godspeed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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