In Our Journey

My Struggle with Submission

Are you a wife who struggled with submission, or still is?

You are not alone. I was once there in those exact same shoes and it was not pretty.

There’s redemption. You can learn.

Let me say this, when I talk about submission, much of it is more of what God has taught me in marriage.

I had read about it, shouted yes in Church about it, even wondered why some women struggled with it (when I was single), and honestly until you get there, you can never fully comprehend what submission is to a man and to each other.

The theory is palatable, the ground work is not.

Before I even go to submission, there’s another concept in the world that has creeped in, and into women, and cheated us that ohhhh…feminism is about creating strong women who can take care of themselves bla bla bla bla…

Without a man bla bla bla bla.. Without taking orders bla bla bla…

Let me say this, singleness is not feminism.

I would like to totally disagree with that.
First and foremost if the Lord has called you to be single, it’s alright!..It’s a gift!

Singleness is not a curse. I enjoyed myself and found my identity in Christ and had so much fun before my hubby found me.

Singleness is a time to give yourself away to the Lord and be you!.. But don’t hide in feminism, saying that marriage is a non issue because well some relationship didn’t work out!

If it didn’t work out, that was probably God’s way of saying wait on me gal!..or God saying, I have a better option for you!

Feminism doesn’t create strong women, because strength is in realizing that you can do it alone, but you trust another person to lead you.

In this world, you need relationships, at work, at church, you cannot do it alone!

Feminism creates an illusion, a very short lived illusion that you are not strong unless you get the same house status, house, cadre and whatever as a man.

Those are just resources my sister, and it’s all in equity not equality.

God knows that we are strong in nurturing… Nurturing relationships, making a home, being a great mam, but do not use feminism to justify singleness!

Singleness is a calling and it’s serious than we seldom think.

The Bible infact expects single men and women to be more devoted to God than married people but that’s not what happens nowadays!

Look at what Paul told the single people in the Bible in 1st Corinthians 7!

Singleness is even considered a gift from God because remaining celibate is a calling, not something you quote and quote as feminism because a previous relationship didn’t work!

Married folks are more devoted to church, family, God, ministry than single guys!
That you subscribe to WE and not YOU!

I have grown up in a strong family, with a strong family system, deep Christian foundation, got the best education, but the moment I said I do…then the Me had to stop, the attitude, the miss “I can handle it alone ” all had to stop and I be WE with my hubby.

With the ‘WEness’ came submission to him, to each other and ultimately to God!

I read an article about marriage not being an achievement and I fully agree with that Quote, because marriage is far bigger than a mere achievement!

It’s a calling, it’s a divine covenant that cannot be quantified as an achievement!

It’s more than just a ring, it’s a Godly mission that no human being can boast of when you start clocking 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10,20, 30 years together because you know, it doesn’t take your strength!

It takes God to stay married and put the self aside for the two of you!

So yes, it’s far much more than an achievement miss! It’s far much more than an achievement Miss!

It’s GOD! God all the way!

Feminism aside, am talking about submission!

Not about the blind obedience or following everything to the latter to avoid trouble, no!!
Always being yes yes to your husband as if following orders!

Am talking about the fact that you are an independent lady, with your own dreams. You know how things ought to be done and you do it irregardless because you know it’s right.

Am talking about the strong-willed woman who knows her place in Christ and in God and doesn’t take crap…yes crap…

That kind of woman who is in authority whether at work or in church and you give direction…

A woman who knows how to bring her money in, makes her hair, red lipstick, struts in heels, and does what she means. Aha! Miss independent! In short.

Miss independent submitting!

Am talking about the man who has a well built physique, wears well cut fitting suits, puts on the most expensive Cologne, drives a sleek car and is in charge of over 5000 employees who ladies walk across his office hoping he will catch a glimpse of them!

Yes a man who is astute and assertive who commands respect everywhere he goes!

Yes that man submitting to his wife and the power over him, I.e God!

Submission. It’s a word we are taught in premarital counseling and honestly it doesn’t sound nice.

It doesn’t sound nice because it’s taken to mean this; To a woman, it’s the end to your self worth and the beginning of the 21st century slavery!

To man, it’s the beginning of his 21st century dominance and being a tyrant in your own house!
A way to say, I am the man!

That’s why there are all these articles demeaning marriage and making it look like it’s some sort of slavery you have entered into.

Memes go around mocking married men! He was a fat chicken before marriage, now he is what we call in kikuyu, “muchunu “. The chicken with no feathers around it’s neck!

Can you blame them? No, because the portrait that marriages have painted out there is pathetic!

…yet marriage is beautiful, it’s an amazing union, infact it transcends what our common minds think… God intended it to be beautiful…

As I said marriage is a divine covenant, the closest relationship that can be likened to Christ and the church.

Does Christ enslave us, does He demand of us? Does He walk on us or make us feel small and insignificant? No.

He loves us unconditionally, and sacrificed Himself unto death while we were still jumping up and down in sin.

That’s the kind of love He has for us, but we ought to submit.

Without submission the world goes into anarchy and so do families.
God is a God of order and structure and He intended families to have that too!

Submission requires “giving away” your “power” and trusting the other person to lead you.

That’s where the curtains roll up.
“Giving away! ”

Who likes that?

God has taught me alot and there’s no other teacher I could have had.

My marriage has only God to give glory to!
Because submission takes away the me, myself and I attitude and replaces it with We!

You can’t hack marriage with an I attitude.
The I has to die!

The Bible says that there’s power in agreement. Two cannot walk together unless they agree.

Submission requires you to die to self.

Ofcourse we are in a generation of “fix it now, ” we start but never finish, we are too impatient to let anything grow, we don’t want to nurture relationships.

No wonder there are so many sponsors and those who are being sponsored because everyone wants what’s already nurtured.

Why can’t you get a man and start from scratch with him?
You gladly agree to be with him because “he loves you, “????…

Why don’t you nurture your own relationship from scratch? Cry, break up, make up, talk, cry again until you both learn what compromise is.! Until you both let the self go!

I was told to submit to Johnny but the how part…was something I got to learn first hand. In marriage.

Had I read books? yeah! … And heard the word many times but I struggled with him taking the lead.

My first year of marriage was a roller coaster! A big one!

I had my way of doing things and so did my hubby. We were both Is’!
He said he did things that way, I said I did things this way.

He was and still is a perfectionist am far from that, but I would rather have results now than wait.
He is free spirited, with a personality bigger than life itself while I love concrete plans.

I love results and having answers ASAP, he would rather take his time to think!

I didn’t like delays, I didn’t like repeating myself…and he didn’t like being reminded so much, he felt that I was nagging.

He could leave the kitchen messy, put cutlery in the fridge, press the Colgate anyhow, leave his socks in the shoes and I had to watch those little small things piss me off!

He watched as I unhang clothes and leave them for days without hanging them…Yeah!

That’s now the reality…and he was just there…slowly boiling up because he is a super organized man!

…I got married and there I was requiring things to be done at MY PACE but my hubby was the opposite, maybe slower than I was, or so I thought…but he too wanted HIS PACE!

Sometimes I kept asking, and all he could say was, “okey hunnie, I will do it!”
Then hen I would repeat and he would go like, “I heard you the first time! “

I would get so pissed and just answer him back because his slowness got onto my nerves, and he would get worked up because am bugging him too much!

I got to a point where I would take charge and fix somethings (like one day, I fixed a window) without involving him because well, “he was slow.”

What ensued was a fight because I was sabotaging his role.

I could take care of this, and that and next weeks issues and plan ahead. It’s like he was there but not there.

Calming down and giving him the lead role was a no go zone for me…and in turn, he was such an uninspired husband!

Submission was haaarrrdddd.
Submission is easier read than done.

Ofcourse for others it might come more natural and God gives different graces, but to me…

Actually I learnt this, SUBMISSION IS AN ACQUIRED BEHAVIOR! It’s something that you learn.

You might pray, cast out demons but there’s a reason why God had to say it loud.
Wives submit, men love…

And not just submitting when you are In the mood, but In EVERYTHING! The man ought to love, because there are times we become unlovable!

We are selfish, moody, annoying, uninspiring wives and they simply cannot take it anymore.
Unless he has a bigger power he is submitting to, he cannot love you!

Unless he decides to submit to God, Submission to him will be a mirage.

Submission meant letting him and making him the final decision maker after talking and I didn’t want to be made for decisions!

I had made my own decisions previously, they were right, so what if he made decisions for us that would cost us?

It meant trusting him enough that he will be astute and sober while doing somethings, and there I was trying to check in with every little decision he made.

What happens in the end? If there’s no structure,? The man will only play along for a while until he says enough is enough.

Yes, we reached that peak point. He couldn’t take my attitude anymore and the lion in him unleashed!

Ohhhh Johnny roared and for the first time, I knew am going down!

My attitude had pushed him to the wall.

I thank God he was open enough to tell me instead of going into a cave because that’s would have been another huddle to jump.

I would have turned to be more nagging, and nagging!
No man loves a nagging wife!

Remember Proverbs!

A nagging woman is like a leaking faucet!

I thought I had it all together, because I was prayerful, ohhhh praising the Lord, worshipping all through, praying to God to change him, yet I was to change first.

I hadn’t learnt what submission translated to and he could love me yes, but did I create the environment that was a safe haven for him? No!

It didn’t matter if he had his flaws, mine was to my part.

Be willing to change my attitude.

I remember crying myself out because I saw that I was already draining this man instead of building him up.

I was sabotaging his role as my hubby instead of supporting him.

Submission.

I had to let myself be at a vulnerable position with him! Stripped down without the “alpha” female thing going on.

I decided to move to my zone and let him take the lead.
I decided to stop competing, on whose decisions are better and why.

I decided to support him and encourage him even when I had a different opinion,I began to re-learn again what supporting your is, because you won’t like his choices at times…but you got to TRUST.

It’s to say, “Hunnie I don’t agree with that, but let’s do this, I trust you. ”

Then if it fails you say, ” We still have next time, it will work! Am proud of you! ”

The “WEness” had to be my daily bread.

Not… “You see,I told you my decision was right, ehhh? Now we have to start from scratch! ”

When I learnt that I submitting to him means nothing more than I am a really strong woman. I didn’t stop there!

I was like, “Lord why was I so reluctant at first? ”

The enemy knows the power of unity and submission no wonder he fights so many women with the idea that submission means weaknesses!

He lies to us that submission means being dragged into a dark place where you can’t enjoy your freedom, space, life, etc.

We took a turn that I enjoy until now!
I love marriage and I love being married to him!

He was finally in his place to pray and lead me as the priest of our family!

I was there to support him and push him to his God given role, we both understood what walking side by side meant.

He loved, I submitted more, he loved me more, I submitted more!
Our marriage is awesome to God’s glory and honor!

I am glad I submitted to what God asked of me!

Am I a rag,? No, we talk, he values my opinion, far much more than I ever thought, but I don’t push him to do it my way.
I trust him enough to make those decisions!

I value his opinion on simple things like my hair, my dresses, lipstick choice, yes we have become that intertwined.

When things are hard on my side, he is my strength because I know whom he submits to.
He goes to God and asks for strength to support me.

When he is low, I can approach the throne of Grace and ask God to strengthen him and give him an unwavering spirit.

My work is to be his support. Push him to believe in himself and stand strong.

When a man and a woman submit to each other, their prayers are not hindered.
The man knows how to listen to his wife and in turn, the Lord listens to the man.!

How awesome is that! He can confidently say, “Lord, I have given my wife an ear, please hear me out too!”

Submission is a learned behavior!.. A husband submitting to the wife, the wife submitting to the husband and both of them to God.

God bless all marriages and make them work to His glory.

Wives learn to submit and create a haven for your husband.
Husbands, submit to your wife, she is your rib, not a doormat…submit to the Lord, He is your ultimate power.. Then love as Christ loved the Church that he died on the cross, paid the sacrifice.

Die to self too Mr.

Submit my fellow wife.

#marriageworks #Godspeed

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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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