Am still up at 3:00 am doing my project, and I hear my hubby walking towards me from our bedroom.
He asks, “You are still awake hunnie?”, and I quickly answer yes and continue on as he sits next to me…
After a small chat in this wee hour of the night, he notices a small tabloid I have been reading, an amazing pastor has fallen from grace -he has cheated.
We did know him from the many beautiful sermons he preached, because we listen to him on Faith and Family TV but he’s race has been put on halt, (hopefully that the Lord will restore him and his marriage)- sadly on the wrong lane.
I go about explaining how the wife had not withheld herself, she was a good wife, bla bla bla, yet he still cheated.
I could see my hubby keenly listening as I went about complaining. I could see he had something to say, only that I needed to finish (we can talk you know)!
When I finally put a pause, he said one thing that got me thinking, (He always gets me thinking)…
He said, “Before he cheated, he must have spoken, spoken in a language only the wife can decipher, but ignored.”
“We don’t necessarily say much, although we do talk, but mostly, we have cues, of which most wives ignore, knowingly or unknowingly.”
“Sex, yes is our need, but in marriage it’s not all that, it’s about satisfaction. ”
Then he said, ” I am a contented man ” kissed me goodnight and retired back to bed.
I had a mixture of emotions, and all I could do was think…and think hard.
I then remembered the scripture, Proverbs 5:18-20
“Be satisfied with the wife of your youth.
….why should you, my son, be in ecstasy with a strange woman…
The word! Satisfaction! That’s it!
Trust me, your husband could be having all the sex he needs, because it is a physical need, but he could be unsatisfied, grumpy and unhappy.
Satisfaction requires you to make hard choices. A choice to cleave and stay with the person you chose in good or bad times.
Sex doesn’t necessarily guarantee a contented husband.
While it should NEVER be trivialized or overrated in marriage, it’s not a ticket to a happily ever after.
As ladies, we miss the point.
I agree 100 percent in that it’s important to not withhold from each other, but it’s not the caveat to being old and grey together.
The question is, is your husband contented with you?
That brings me to this, it takes him to make a decision and say, “I chose you everyday despite the annoying self aggrandizing attitude you have! “, and you choose to say, “I will do my best everyday to put you first, no matter how I feel! ”
He could have sex to let the steam off but deep down, he is not a contented husband.
Sadly when a man is unhappy, unsatisfied he retreats to his cave and shuts!
He shuts to a point of never coming out and then he begins bringing all his big boy toys in!
If it’s not porn, he will find something that excites him for that period!
He will find that “mpango wa kando” we so detest, yet our hand did contribute too!
He has his part to play, to make a full concisious decision of being satisfied, while you have a part to play too, of creating that environment in your home to make him feel needed.
His decision is his and all you can do is pray that he will be a man subjected to Christ daily and choose to be satisfied.
You can only pray that Christ will influence his decisions daily to be skewed towards making you and the kids happy and loved.
After praying, now comes the environment you create, and that’s not just about just sex.
How do you treat him? Do you offer that environment in your home for him to feel rested? Have you made your home a safe haven for him? Do you pray for him even when you don’t feel like doing it?
I love how my hubby says, “Every woman has the power to make his husband a lion or a church mouse!”
Which is true, because it’s not about sex always!
A contented man, a satisfied man, will walk head shoulder high, knowing that he has a wife who respects him all round, sex being just a component of the whole canvass.
THE Bible is not prudish about sexual relations in marriage.
Proverbs 5:18 says “Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth, a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat.
Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly.”
The Lord created sex to be enjoyed in the confines of marriage, but what we lack isn’t sex, it’s intimacy!
Intimacy is wholesome!
It’s communication, and honest communication at that, filled with friendship and love that culminates to solidifying that union with a physical act!
Wives, let’s not create this illusion in our heads that it’s all about sex.
Again, I am never going to trivialize it’s importance, but you cannot go hauling negative words to your hubby, then at night have sex with him and say to yourself “all is well! ”
You cannot contend with him in all he does, be clingy, and suffocate him, then say “all is well!”
You cannot cut off communication, and talk for him when you feel like, then say to yourself that “all is well! ”
Is your husband contented? Is he happy?
Be proactive and ask your husband, “Are you happy and contented my love? ”
You will be shocked to hear somethings he has been keeping quiet about yet you thought you were alright because, well, sex is greatttt!
While I don’t trivialize sex in marriage, satisfaction is the key!…seek intimacy in your marriage, not just sex!