THE Day my hubby forgot about Valentines ?
We were barely 6 months in marriage! Actually we were 3 1/2 months, staying in a little cosy house… but we were alright and so optimistic about marriage life!
I loved the new life I would start!
We were husband and wife! No boundaries just us!
Marriage is fun! It’s dynamic and my hubby and I have grown so much and this far it’s Christ!
We wouldn’t have done it any other way, but on this day…
There we were young in marriage with a bag of expectations of what Johnny should do or be doing, and so did he have his.
So on this particular day, 4 years ago, I came from work ready to find a candle lit dinner if he couldn’t pull a date night!
I love flowers, he knew that I love flowers and so I envisaged a living room full of roses, fuchsias, lilies and petals all over…flowers galore!
I thought of him serenading me and whisking me off to my feet…
I was in my own imaginary world and all was perfect! With a ‘perfect’ hubby on a perfect evening!
I rang the door bell and believe you me, a groggy man, in his boxers, walked to the door and opened it for me.
Him: ohhhh hhhey baeeby.. You are early today.. Heeeeyyy… Mhhhh… Karibu hunnie…
(Am thinking duh! It’s Valentines!)
Me: am good, chucked from work today earlier than usual.
(I hug him and stare at the living room, my moods began to change)
Him: Me too! I really needed to rest a bit..
(Thinking… Rest.. Oh! Nothing more, you got to be kidding me!)
Me: Pole, have you taken anything?
Him: No, bado… But I don’t mind some tea…and anything else in the kitchen.
(goodness is this guy for real! Or he is pulling my leg… OK!)
I walk to the bedroom, nothing!
What is going on! This man has totally forgotten about valentines!
How could he!
I was tempted to ask him but I mastered all my strength, made him tea, sat with him the whole time, had a chit chat.
Prepared supper, we prayed, ate and even watched a movie.
I was still waiting for a “smaller surprise”, but nothing.!
I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to ask.
Me; Hunnie you forgot me.
Me: I took my gift out and gave him…
He looked puzzled and guilty at the same time but tried to defend himself by saying that everyday is valentines to us.
That got me pissed!
Me: What do you mean everyday is a valentines?
Him: We make memories everyday…yahhh.. That’s what I mean, or is there any other meaning.
(He was getting agitated and I was at the edge of the cliff. The attitude didn’t calm my nerves at all!!)
Him: I mean, I had a long day, can’t I get a break.
(Ohhhh my head boiled…!!!.. All I could feel was Zzzzzzz!)
Me: Who didn’t have a long day, but I planned! Why couldn’t you!
Him: ( He goes quiet and I leave the room)
Of course what followed was a bigger argument!
I felt not cared for, he felt unappreciated just by the virtue that the incident negated everything else that he had done for me previously.
After the tempers calmed down, we got to talk and trust me, it was all about expectations and more expectations.
All about expectations and reciprocity.
I thought he would never forget.
He expected me to handle the situation in a calmer manner.
We were both right to have our concerns, but we were wrong in the manner that we handled ourselves.
An equitable compromise is what we should have had, of which none of us wanted.
In the end, he trivialized my special days, and I returned the “favor ” by demeaning all the effort he had previously put to make me happy.
They are not wrong to have, but they shouldn’t be used as a yardstick to your partner.
If there’s something that can make you lose your heart of gratitude, it’s having to always expect from your partner.
Yes he might have forgotten, but i shouldn’t have made him feel as if he has never done anything worth of praise.
I expected reciprocity. To always get because well, we have conjured Valentines to be all about the ladies. True…
We both have come from far. I can’t believe we do things without expecting each other to reciprocate.
Was it easy? no. It still isn’t at times…
…but we have come to learn to put the other first before Self.
With time, you come to get the gratification you so need from seeing your spouse happy.
When I see him smile or just happy, that warms my heart.
Making your spouse happy is the greatest gratification you will ever have.
Of course I don’t encourage for one spouse to always give while the other takes. It’s a dangerous road.
Strive to do unto your spouse what you want him/her to do for you.
If you feel a strain, talk in a calm manner to your spouse.
So today, ladies, turn around and treat that man instead.
Whether he remembers the flowers or not, do your part.
Set up a romantic dinner, make your inner chambers tantalizing for him, give him an amazing massage.
Cook a sumptuous dinner. Write a poem to express your gratitude to him for taking care of you as his wife.
Remind him that he is the greatest blessing you will ever have.
Assure him, praise him, nourish him and let him feel safe in your arms tonight.
Valentines is not all about flowers and chocolates, but reminding ourselves that no matter what, the two of you can face the world with the Lord on your side.
It’s about doing those “little things” for each other that build you.
Trust me in the end it all matters.
Doing those things for each other or ignoring each other… All have a culmination point.
A miserable marriage or an amazing marriage!
Off to set my inner chambers??! For this man ohhhh!
Hunnie you are worth everything!
My love, my life, the only one who roars and I get to listen! ???. My lion! May the Lord enrich you baeby! With Christ on our side! We are more than conquerors!
I love you!