Communicate your expectations.
Nothing warms my heart faster than seeing people in love. Genuinely in love. I love seeing people hold hands side by side as they walk.
I love seeing a man stroking his wife’s hair. I love seeing a lady cling onto her husband like her life depends on him. I love Love.
Love is beautiful in all aspects and that’s why I am it’s crusader. Love each other hard. Shout it on the rooftops when God blesses you with that special someone.
Trust me it’s a blessing, not just some sheer luck.
While I love seeing all that, my mind often wonders, do these two know each other?
Do they know each others full life account, in details?
Do they know what expectations are they holding over each others heads?
Expectations are not wrong to have, and it’s highly encouraged that you have some level of expectation in your relationship.
Expectations help you form boundaries that are very important from the onset.
For instance, an unrealistic expectation is that this person should agree to all your opinions.
While it’s good to hold fast onto what you know, the reality is, you two will never agree on everything and that’s alright.
It’s wrong to hold each other emotionally ransom because you are not agreeing on one or two issues.
Could you instead be mature enough to deliberate on things without getting worked up over the fact that he’s not agreeing with your philosophy?
Let’s not confuse this. Am not talking about the values that you hold. No.That you give in into sleeping with him because he’s mad you aren’t giving it up. No!!
That is not even a serious guy.
Am talking about the day to day nuances. Issues to do with investments, politics, career progression verses having children.
Such require deliberation without getting all emotional.
Going into a relationship with a clear picture of what you want is important, but be sure to remain objective and communicate what you expect from the word go.
Communication is the life and blood of any relationship.
Do not dive into a relationship with your heart alone. Use your head too.
Communicate your intentions to each other.
It’s alright to talk about the weather on the first, second and third dates, but as the relationship progresss, the bar is raised, the stakes are higher and you cannot be always pulling a joker card on each other.
You need to plough deep into each others life. The past, the present and the future.
The past will inform you of who he/she is and how far they have come.
Please don’t fall for the facade that the past is not important.
Looking back is not for the purposes of being judgmental, no.
The past informs.
Struggles pave the way for victorious ends so don’t be afraid to tell your past.
If they walk away for being forthright, then God has whisked you off from a catastrophe.
Do not be blind to red flags that are displayed.
A realistic expectations is this:
Relationships will not always be a cup of tea. That lady or that man has a past, and emotional baggage that too often we drag into new relationships knowingly or unknowingly.
You cannot expect the man you are dating to behave like your previous guy did.
She will not be as her.
Expect that. So don’t be pissed off when he’s not behaving like your ex.
Another realistic expectation is that this man or lady won’t cosmically know how you feel without saying.
Yes you might have known each other for a while, but to reach that point of predictability happens mostly in marriage and often it never gets there.
So instead of hinting miss, or being subtle, hoping that he will pick up the cues, say it as it is. Be upfront and forthright in what you expect or expected.
Instead of sitting at a corner, languishing and complaining, communicate your expectations instead.
Say, this is what I expect in a relationship, a, b, c and give each other the chance to express your heart out.
One thing that keeps people glued together, is fulfilling each others realistic expectations and the vice versa is also true. One thing that could breed resentment, is holding unrealistic expectations against each other. Expectations is the mother of all resentment, unrealistic expectations at that!
So learn to talk and communicate about your expectations in the right way.
Communicating expectations eliminates ambiguity that engulfes many a relationship.
If you don’t learn to communicate when you are dating or courting, don’t expect a smooth ride in marriage – and honestly, keeping quiet because you are mad at each other is outrightly immature.
Communicating is not throwing tantrums, or insulting each other.
It’s giving feedback, maturely, in a coherent manner that makes you be understood.
Ask each other this:
What do you value most in a relationship?
What dissapoints you when not fulfilled in a relationship?
What values are important to you?
How far should our boundaries go in regards to the opposite sex?
Do you communicate to your ex? And why?
Could you cut off that communication(with your ex(s))?
What are our dos and don’ts’?
What do we expect of each other?
Ask these questions and more… dating and courtship continues…
#dating and courtship