3. #Ask, #Ask, #Ask and #Ask.
Show me a great person who didn’t question anything around them.
If I remember my Physics correctly, It’s said that Newton discovered Gravity when he saw an apple falling from a tree.
He could have as well picked up the apple and made a fruit salad out of it.
Instead, he began asking WHY?
His questions made him realize that some force must be acting on those objects that keep falling otherwise they would have remained stationary.
Issac Newton questioned something and out of that, the term gravity was coined.
He is one great mind out of the many that questioned something.
He asked, he got the answer and ultimately helped us all.
There’s nothing wrong in asking questions.
You might look like a fool for only 5 minutes but end up being the wisest person for the rest of your life: just because you asked a question.
In the course of my life, and my interactions, I have come across people who were too afraid to ask questions. Too afraid to be labeled.
I have come across people who were in relationships but could not ask not a single question to each other.
Probably they didn’t regard the relationship serious enough to warrant knowing each other intimately – through asking questions.
Probably they were too embarrassed, but mostly, they were just so afraid of losing their “new catch.”
Nothing is more grievous than being in a relationship and not being able ask anything.
Asking and asking should be an every day affair when you are dating and in courtship.
Inquiring about each other should be like a spinning wheel. At no given time should it come to a halt.
You should ask about someone’s past, you should ask about their present, you should ask the vision they see of their future.
You should ask and ask.
We can all agree that the goal is not to judge but to inform.
The goal is not to appear as arrogant or portray a cavalier attitude, but we need to be unpretentious and unassuming.
You should ask about their values and what they find interesting. You should ask about their religious stand and their spiritual life.
You should ask and ask and if you haven’t understood anything, ask again.
I previously talked about how informed we get before purchasing a particular car. We read and research and mostly ask. We ask the dealers but most often than not, we ask those that have driven that particular vehicle.
Now, if you can commit all that time in asking about a vehicle, what about someone whom you will commit the rest of your life to?
Why do you shy away from asking?
Am not talking about the usual icebreakers – like what’s their favorite color, favorite food or movies – no.
Am talking about you asking questions that will them to disrobe before you emotionally.
Am talking about reaching that point in your relationship where the casual
tête-à-tête stops and you begin to plough deep into each other.
As my hubby puts it, “A time comes when a relationship has to graduate.
From a mere talk, catching up and shallow discourses to mature, intimate and candid ones.
This is the realm of the those led by purpose.”
Don’t I love that! Purpose indeed!
A time comes when you have to let each other into your heart’s secret chamber and get them to see your naked heart.
You should ask questions that will form the spine of your marriage.
You should ask those questions openly without fear.
Not vaguely or in a way that opens loopholes for two or more interpretation.
Be candid, clear and straight to the point.
While you ask, check how they answer…
That brings me to my next point.
Nothing gives me free entertainment than simply observing people.
You pick a lot on someone’s character by simply observing them.
For an answer is not only in words but in actions too.
For instance, they may claim to be faithful, but how does he behave after a waitress serves him?
Do his eyes linger and wonder?
That should tell you automatically that he has lust issues.
Don’t get me wrong. Saying thank you is a welcome compliment, but when he follows her butt or stares right down her cleavage, then you got yourself a brother with lust issues.
He may claim to be calm and composed but when you say thank you to a waiter, and he gets mad, what does that tell you?
That automatically tells you that he’s controlling and will turn out aggressive one day.
Does she throw off things in anger? That automatically tells you that you got yourself a sister with anger issues.
Does everything have to go her way? Then she is very contentious unless she decides to change.
Do they seem evasive? Are they straight up with their answers? Are they avoiding eye contact? Are they fidgeting?
Are they sweating? Are they getting angry at your questions? Are they too quiet? Are they detailed or scanty or seem to brush through their answers?
Are they turning the questions back to you without answering back? Do they seem as if they have rehearsed their answers?
All those form part of your answer.
When alone, revisit every part of that conversation and determine your next move.
Do not accept to move on without them convincing you that they are who they claim to be.
Observe how they handle issues, observe how they handle responsibility, observe how they handle the high moments, observe how they handle disappointments.
Observe how they handle finances, observe how they handle spontaneous changes, observe how they handle plenty and lack.
Observe how they talk to people whom they are trying not to impress.
Marriage is certainly not a rehearsal and there will be lots of regret if you don’t do your part and decide to jump in just because you “feel” he/she is the one.
You would rather say, I did my homework thoroughly, but we seem to have having a bumpy ride. Someone will definitely help both of you out.
Feelings don’t sustain a relationship, deliberate choices does.
Asking eliminates doubts and uncertainties of a relationship.
Observe to unmask what was left unsaid.