DATING AND COURTSHIP – PART 5

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5. Find out!

By the time my hubby was approaching me, he says that he had gathered enough data about me.

He had inquired and asked around about me and had “his private eyes” on the ground.

You see, I was in a public university where information about the girl next door circulated freely.
In fact, it was almost public information, but he still had to find out for himself.

He tells me that he even knew my room number too! Spooky, right?

Well, all the same, I kind of agree with him, largely because most people knew me by my two names and he knew them all.

I was shocked when he said hey to me in the library and called me by my three names.
You see, I had never seen him before, so that caught me off guard but made me interested in knowing who this mystery man is.

I hadn’t seen him anywhere, yet he virtually had my life’s blueprint of the 2 years I had spent in campus.
So I dug up his information too.

I tried to ask his name, only for him to tell me he’s called PERD! Perd who? PERD!!
I wasn’t convinced.

I asked around, until I found out that he’s called John the drummer. PERD was just an acronym he coined for himself! Story of another day!

That was the beginning of everything else.

Don’t just be contented with what he tells you, but dig in to uncover his true intentions.
Don’t just be contented with what she tells you, but dig in to uncover her true intentions.

Mary! you are turning us into FBI! Well, am not.
Am not turning you into a snoop Miss. and am certainly not intending to turn you Mr into obnoxious stalker. No no.

I am telling you this, casually ask around to find out who they really are. Find out their friends.
Find out where they hang out often.
That will inform you of their character – for two cannot walk unless they agree.

Dig in!

Go to the church he claims to be a youth leader and observe his mannerisms around everyone else.
Trust me, you will pick up one or two things that he left unsaid.

His or her mannerisms will inform you of their true intentions.

Many have “church girlfriends” and “boyfriends” and you might never know unless you dig in to find out.

Of course if you have to attend his local church, they would have had to invite you or you will need to inform them of your going.

Don’t go like, “Am digging in about you!” “Expect me in your church on Sunday! ” “I will find out everything that you claim to be! ”

Instead say this, “I would like to see how you minister in church, how about me coming over this Sunday? ”
Sounds better right?

They should be able to know that, yes, you are happy to be around them, you are excited, but you would love to get to know them better.

They should be able to feel that certain parameters have started being laid down.

As you continue on with your “investigation “, do not stop asking questions that seem to linger a lot on your mind.

For instance, if you go to that church and there’s this lady he’s too friendly with, or there’s a guy who seems crack her ribs out, don’t just be presumptuous.

Ask them, “Who was that guy that seemed to amuse you so much? ” or “Who was that lady that you seemed so free with? ”

Probably it’s the sister, or the brother. Maybe she’s an auntie. Don’t just sit at a corner and whin, so spineless – afraid of asking.

Be forthright and candid. You cannot afford to whitewash your observations.

Then listen to their answers as you observe.
Again, as I said, it’s a continuous spinning wheel.

As you ask around too, be cautious to know your sources.

Word spreads fast. So don’t be shocked when the ex calls you to give you an “inner secret” about the lady or the guy you are interested in.

Now, the unfortunate bit is that ladies reaction can be quite appalling and very distasteful.

He has skeletons and so do you.
If the ex to that guy calls you, and says that she’s still with the guy, don’t abuse her.

She’s not the problem, he is.

He didn’t spell it loud and clear to her, that he has moved on.

Tell her that you will get back to her on the same. Don’t abuse her.
Could we rise above the cat fights? They are really unnecessary.

Then go ASK the guy! Note, am not saying throw tantrums.
Ask him. “So and so called me claiming that you two are still together, is that true? ”

If he says no and explains, then LET HIM CLEAR OUT THAT DOUBT BEFORE YOU PROCEED ON!

If she was his past then it should remain as so. The past.
I hear people who still talk to their exes and I wonder why? Why are you too invested?

First you two were emotionally involved, so is it really wise to keep tabs on each other?
How they are, their current status, comparing each other’s current relationship to what you both had…

You will tell me that you two are just friends, and I will ask you this, are you investing on your current relationship with the same zeal?
Why is your emotional attachment still skewed to your ex and you claim to have moved on?

Old flames can really become had to put out if you keep fanning them.

What you value is what you invest in.
If your goal is to settle with that man or that lady you are currently interested in, then be sure that your friendship is solid.

You can’t invest in your ex more than your current relationship and expect the same results.
One of them will have to be severed.

If not, one of them will suffer and from my observation, most return back to their old flame.

Am not saying that you should be enemies, but am saying that you should spend your coin more wisely.
Be sure to invest your energy more on your future than your past if you made a solid decision of moving on.

If there’s anything that needs to be sorted, then it should be made clear without anything to hide.

When all is said and done…make your decision… do I consider courtship or should I end it?

Dating and courtship continues…

#transition
#dating and courtship
#marriageworks
#Godspeed

What is your take?