Java moments… QUESTIONS TO ASK.
Question 2 –Where do you stand in your Faith? Do you have a local church?
I have seen many couples so in love that the question about their faith, their relationship with the Lord or their spiritual walk gets shoved to the back. Sadly, many think that their relationship is far worthy than God. Actually they blur Him.
He’s somewhere in the picture, but not at the focal point. He is behind the scenes trying to “put himself in the picture.” He feels like an old boring grandpa, looking over his grandkids — yeah! He doesn’t seem to understand our chemistry!
He’s unashamedly omitted, blotted out, actually not even thought about. Yes, He’s scarcely mentioned. He’s rarely sort after. He’s bluntly cursed. God, the Lord almighty is not in their vision of the present nor the future. When I see such a relationship, I painfully break.
The claim is that it’s not important, as long as “the person they are dating is good.”
What is the actual definition of good?
Buying roses? Serenading you? Washing his dishes or running his errands? Going for vacations occasionally? Shopping for you?
What quantifies “good?”
This is a serious question that cannot be overlooked. You cannot hide from it, you cannot whitewash it. You cannot ignore it nor assume it.
You need to know how deep his walk of faith is. You need to know how plugged in they are in Christ.
You need to know if he or she is involved in ministry or not.
You need to know where they fellowship at or they chronic church-hoppers.
You need to know and you shouldn’t assume.
Just because they got a KING JAMES and Golden Bell app on their phone, doesn’t mean that they are as serious with their walk of faith.
If you are born again, for your own sake, just settle with someone who matches up to what you ascribe to. Do not be yoked.
Yah Yah! I know, you will tell me he is good, she’s good, you don’t need to tighten the rope so much – or else you might miss the chance of love.
Of course it may not be an issue in the first months, maybe even the first year of marriage, but the day you will have children and would want the father to take an active role in molding them, only then you will realize that you need a man who knows the Lord as much as you do.
A man who instructs with Godly wisdom not provoke them.
Only then will you realize that you need a woman who spends time whispering and travailing in prayer for them.
A woman who is quick to bless her children, and with her tamed tongue she blesses her husband and her children, not curse them.
Children, at least from my observation, shouldn’t grow up seeing mammy attend a different church from daddy.
It confuses them.
Give them stability.
Instead of putting your children in a conundrum, and can’t agree on your individual churches, find a neutral place for both of you, and watch your children flourish.
Find a place that still gives you the spiritual nourishment you both deserve, but at the same time will not cause a tug of war between you two.
Know where he or she stands in matters faith.
You need to walk with a person who ascribes to what you ascribe to.
If your goals and values are clicking, by all means move along…
Question 3. What do you love most?
In our first year of marriage, God knows how much we fought and consequently found comfort in.
What helped us was the fact that we anticipated somethings. It became a bit easier to sort out our mess but not without some challenges.
Don’t walk assuming he loves you more than his car, his job, or even his ministry.
Of course if you settle, he will have to adjust his priorities and so will you, but this will help you visualize the future.
If he loves his job, then it will be prudent that you discuss how well he will be able to balance family and work.
If she loves her work, then it’s important to ask her if she will consider having family time more in the future.
If she would shelve her career ambitious and get the children first.
As people settle in, the mundane is almost inescapable. There’s always a high chance of running to what you consider a “comfort zone” to escape the realities of marriage.
It might be his job, or your singing ministry. So talk about how you will cope in the future, if you will notice the blazing fire is slowly simmering down.
Love, my friends, when you say I Do, becomes automatically a decision. A decision of doing and saying “I do” every day for the rest of your life on earth.
So before rushing to bling your finger just because, ask him, what can you fall back so easily to?
Ask her, do you think your ministry can overshadow us?