Happy Happy New Year everyone! Trust that you are all well in the Lord and that He has kept you.
Well, this year begins on this tempo – A strong marriage doesn’t just happen…
When John and I got married, I thought that marriage will be easy peasy for us, after all we loved each other so much.
We still do, but I thought it would be easy.
I thought that the feelings we had towards each other would sustain us.
I didn’t think that I would have a problem submitting.
I didn’t think that I would have to walk the walk of forgiveness every day.
I didn’t think that I would have to re-learn some things.
I didn’t think that I would have to learn to trust and trust completely – since some situations will be out of my scope.
I didn’t think that dying to myself would be an uphill task.
Well, this being another year in marriage, I can confidently say that marriage is hard work.
It’s lots of hard work.
Good, strong, positive, thriving, successful marriages don’t just happen.
Nothing good in marriage happens cosmically.
Feelings don’t sustain a marriage either.
We constantly have to work and fight for us no matter what.
We constantly have to communicate.
We constantly have to choose to listen.
We constantly have understand each other.
We constantly have to seek clarification lest we misunderstand each other…
Every day, we have to choose… choose between us or the world.
Choose between committing to us or the self.
Choose between pleasing each other or the world.
Choose… and choose…
You see, we marry imperfect people. We marry sinners.
We marry people who are broken.
We marry people who have dented hearts, parched souls and most often have a crushed spirit.
We marry people with abandonment issues.
We marry people who have daddy and mummy issues.
We marry people with a scarred pasts and scared of the future.
We marry people who are unsure of themselves and who cling only on hope – A hope that the next person will love them for who they are.
We marry people with baggage, physically and emotionally.
We marry people predestined to eternal damnation without Christ.
We marry people who will not fulfill our expectations in the long run.
It’s virtually impossible to expect each other to be the other-person-centered.
But what sets marriages apart is how spouses choose to react to disappointments, their individual imperfections, and flaws.
What sets marriages apart, is how much you choose to invest in your marriage.
What sets marriages apart is how quickly you choose to learn.
Well, we have our shares of disappointments.
We fight and get very angry at each other.
We fail each other and sometimes do not fulfill each others expectations.
…but at the end of the day, it all depends on us two.
That when we get angry, we choose to forgive.
When we have let each other down, we choose to extend grace.
When our hearts contend for our own selves, when that insidious pull creeps in, that always leads our hearts away from each other, we deliberately choose to put the other person first.
Of course the tendency to to excuse ourselves, legitimize our feelings is always strong.
We see our sins as necessary, and should be understood by our spouses. I know i do that too at times. I feel justified in my anger or reaction. I feel that my husband should understand my mistakes as being a by product of what he did or didn’t do.
Does self-centeredness make things okay? No!
Does self – justification make things better? No!
Does being too self- absorbed in marriage make you win? No!
We choose to adjust, to tune into each other, to share and to listen.
When we want to be mean, we choose to smile at each other and share a kiss.
We choose to release the offenses and look for pearls in the offense.
Any married person would do well if we could stop thinking less of what a “good wife of good husband,” should be and think about “WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE M SPOUSE HAPPY AND CONTENTED?”
At least that, from my experience will plant a seed whose roots grow towards the other person more.