My husband goes to the market for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy going to the market.
I enjoy shopping, but he simply loves doing it for me. He is so good at getting the best. He actually taught me on how to select the best mangoes, or the fruits in season.
He even bargains more than I do. He meets another man who tells him, “Why do you do shopping for your wife?”.
“It’s not manly!”. He smiles and puts the “Kiondo” on his shoulders and walks back to the car. He cooks and he makes the best pancakes in the world. By all means he’s more meticulous than me. If we go by the above “traditional” views, the views that most people hold, then he is nowhere near masculinity – but is masculinity defined by what he does?
When does a man feel most like a man? Macho and grateful to be alive because he is simply and uniquely masculine? You see God created us purposefully for relationships. We find our reason to live in relationships and our deepest fulfillment comes through relationships. Therefore, I can confidently say the masculinity is defined in relationships. It’s in having stability in the relationship he has that he achieves the sense of completion.
It’s not just about what he does, because the next question is, what if he paid all bills but failed to have those intimate moments with his family? Masculinity is not about what a man does but that he does whatever he needs to and for what reasons does he do what he does. We mostly define masculinity with traits and it’s alright to, but it is more than just paying school fees, or providing materially for his family.
A man’s provision should exceed material gain.
When God created Adam, He clearly cut out His role distinguishable from his wife Eve. After the fall of Adam and Eve, from the grace of God, God’s judgement was on Adams work- that it would be difficult to go through the world without obstacles, vis-à-vis the woman. Her judgement was centered on her relationship to the man. That she would definitely have physical pain brought about by childbirth and emotionally pain when relating to her husband.
Masculinity has to have two elements, a quiet confidence with assertiveness and tender sensitivity to the people around them. The Bible says that a man should speak tenderly to his wife.
He is not supposed to be harsh with her [Colossians 3:19]. He is to be tender, living with his wife in an understanding way [1st Peter 3:7]. He is to be tender with his children, not provoking them to anger, disciplining and instructing them [Ephesians 6:4). Those traits are considered to be feminine but do you see the sharp contrast the Bible brings to the worldly views.
God tells the husbands not to be involved so much with the affairs outside his family that he ends up neglecting them. His provision should exceed material provision. He is to provide security, love, and care.
Masculinity is not about being “tough” enough to silence your woman’s voice. A successful talented, gifted attractive man who cannot expose his vulnerabilities and weaknesses to his wife is not masculine at all. He will not be able to “catch” her feminine side. That doesn’t mean that he should be wimpy too.
A man that’s manly, moves through life confidently following a direction that reflects the purposes of God.
A man that’s manly sees life with a wider angle, his reasons for living are bigger than himself. He will not be pushy, self-absorbed or try pull appreciation from others to feed is otherwise oversized or staved ego.
A masculine man will experience turmoil in life and that’s inevitable, but if his concern is to others, primarily his family, then he will have an anchor that will ground him through the ups and downs.
He will not be afraid to reach out to his source of strength more so his wife, unafraid to experience an intimate involvement her. This makes her feel valued far much more than all his achievements combined.
A masculine man knows that it’s the little things that count. It’s in helping her out with the dishes, playing with the kids, carrying her heavy luggage, rubbing her feet. It’s the little things that make the big things.
A masculine man knows that it’s what he gives to his wife that’s worthy of praise and respect – giving what she most longs for in her heart.
A masculine man moves towards the wife with an energy fully focused on her that makes selfish pursuits, immorality and self-centeredness less appealing and undeserving.
Nothing in this world can make a man more masculine, or more manly than being able to touch his wife, in ways that overwhelm her at the same time frees her to be who she is and who God intended her to be. Masculinity in therefore more than just traits, because as the man pursues what God intends him to be as a husband, a father, a mentor, the “Masculinity factor” takes care of itself.