I love to talk about submission not because I am perfect – am far from it – but because I know it’s ticket to a happy marriage.
A marriage that thrives, not just a functional marriage that seeks to pass time.
It’s not easy, since there will be times that you find your husband’s judgement quite irrational, but you have to incline yourself to him – not necessarily his decisions.
By inclining yourself to him, you show him your respect as a head, and in turn, you soften his heart towards a particular issue that he was taking a hard stance on.
Unfortunately, you think that ignoring or out talking your husbands will simply him yield. You are fighting a losing battle and fighting it the wrong way!
You cannot afford not to submit if your marriage is to work.
And Yes! Feminism never built a marriage. If you think am lying, look around and watch out for any woman who seems to “manipulate ” her husband into her bid, or a woman who doesn’t know how to “talk” to her husband, or simply one who is in some sort of “power-struggle” with her husband.
Chances are that the marriage is either so miserable, working on the bare minimum. The husband has found his “corner” on the rooftop (Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. – Proverbs 21:9), and he is emotionally detached.
Chances are his heart is somewhere else – another woman, perhaps his job, his business, probably his extended family, anything to keep her out of his sight.
I know may woman have suffered in the hands of cruel husbands. Some are beaten mercilessly, staved, their children molested or have been sold out as prostitutes. That is quite extreme, and for such cases, I would advocate for one to get help.
Sitting down while your sanity gradually slips off is not healthy and certainly not what God intended for a marriage to be.
That is not submission either, its co-dependency and co-dependency isn’t love but bondage.
There is nothing wrong with seeking help when the marriage turns abusive. Talk to a counselor, your best couple or find someone godly to confide in. Do not just sit and do nothing.
Am talking about having to live with a man who doesn’t regard God in any way, or is simply difficult. A man who thinks his way is the only way, always right, egocentric and a chauvinist.
A man who is not gentle, probably boisterous, insensitive and unapologetic in his ways.
How do you live with such a man? How do you win him over?
We have two women in the Bible who teach us exactly how to live with these kind of men.
One was Abigail and there was Esther.
Abigail, the Bible quotes her as a woman who was full of understanding and beautiful, but she found herself married and tied down to a man who did not even regard the King. King David.
She had every right to ignore him, or maybe find herself a suitor who could cleave to her and offer her the needed comfort she craved for, yet she didn’t do either. She acted with so much wisdom that she averted the calamity that would befall her household if she didn’t.
She ran to David, and offered her gifts, pleading with the king on behalf of her family.
David could not resist the offer from such an attractive soul. Instead of her avenging herself, God avenged for her and struck Nabal to death.
Esther had every right to be mad at how the king was being misled by his advisor Haman. She had very right to run away, after all, there was a plot to kill all the Jews, but she didn’t. She took her place, made a feast and waited patiently for 3 days, to speak to the King.
How many of us could wait for that long!
It would suffocate most of us!
Those two women were placed at a very difficult place, but yet found a way to win. One was struck by God, the other one was won over to Esther’s side.
How do you live with a difficult man? How do yo win him over?
- Submission is about your Attitude.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,
Attitude is crucial. Attitude is everything. Something can be so bad, but yet appear all easy because of how you approach it.
My husband says, “Your attitude will set the temperature of our home Hunnie”
How do you view your husband? Do you regard him as a hard man who cannot listen to you?
If yes, how do you approach him?
Are you approaching him with the same attitude that he has? You see, submission doesn’t mean that you cannot put your point across.
It does not mean that you don’t have your own option or opinion, you can have, and they will differ more often than not, but you have to maintain the respect needed.
It’s a heart issue.
Submission does not manipulate, connive or scheme.
How is your attitude towards your husband? Attitude is contagious. A bad attitude is a bad fruit! It will soon spoil the rest! So get rid of it!
The word of the Lord should first inform your attitude
- Submission is seen in the tone of your voice
Has your husband ever told you that you don’t know how to talk to him?
Has he ever walked out on you in the middle of a heated argument?
The way you talk to your husband shows how much you respect him. Am not talking about saying yes to everything he asks even when its clearly not right.
Am talking about how you address him and the variation of your voice.
I too had to learn!
Your voice indicates a lot. It shows if you are inclined to yourself, or to him. How do you talk to your husband?
How do you address him when he has offended you the most? Do you shout at him? Do you get angry and throw things around?
Do you walk away when he is talking? Do you click your tongue or pout at him?
Do you call him names? Do you pick up your phone and start scrolling through as he is talking? Do you raise the volume of the TV in the middle of the argument?
Then you have some homework to do on yourself Mrs.!
- Submission is in your everyday walk.
…to be self-controlled, pure, managers of their households, kind, and subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be discredited.
Do you know that how you live as wife in your house and home can preach or malign the word of God? It’s that serious!
If you are born again, then your husband annoys you, and you end up calling him a “dog” are you preaching really? Can you win your husband over with that kind of mouth?
Then probably he sees you on Sunday hugging all the brothers in Christ, patting their shoulders and telling them how smart they look, yet you have never patted your husband’s back let alone admired his way of dressing or his physique!
Are you preaching really?
A submissive woman preaches with her walk in Christ with her actions! Her sweetness is enough to win the difficult man since he looks at her and sees Christ.
He sees her as a pure soul.
God himself will convict him of his sins because your actions will be enough to preach. You will not need to pull him to church or insist on him tuning in to Family TV!
We must learn to live in self-control and in purity.
We must learn to be managers of our household, being good custodians of the finances entrusted in us, doing what pleases our husbands.
If it does please God, and builds your marriage, then do it!