Before the beginning of time, God fashioned us with a great need – a need for affection, a need to belong. In fact, it’s such an absolute and important need that many miss the mark, trying so hard to find someone to love and hold on to.
Many sacrifice it all, just to be told the three magic words, “I love you.” Many sacrifice their dignity. Others their bodies. Just to feel needed – to feel needed naturally does occur to us.
Sacrificing isn’t wrong. There is no way under the sun that a relationship can blossom without sacrifice. We do not want to be told so, but it’s the truth.
Now, the issue is, who do you sacrifice for and what do you sacrifice?
After waiting on the Lord, he finally shows up. Prince Charming and Snow White finally meet. A fairy tale indeed.
He’s mesmerized, you are enchanted.
He’s hypnotized, you are dazzled.
You are both in love! The feeling overwhelms you.
You are so blessed and he is so lucky to have found you.
You can’t help stare into his eyes, and he can’t wait for your call – oh your voice makes his spine melt!
All that is well and so in order. The flamed love is alright!
God put all those feelings of attraction there for purposes of finding each other and bond, but after finding each other, the real journey begins. The realities of marriage begin to sink in. He is not Prince Charming and she is not Snow White.
I have across some people – who suggest that the Bible does not have anything to do with dating and courtship, or rather mention about dating and courtship explicitly.
[That once you identify someone – you need to settle ASAP – no need to date.]
Well, it works for some, but on the flip side, it doesn’t work for most people.
While this is true, betrothal has been mentioned.
In essence, betrothal was a time where the future husband took time to prepare for his future bride.
The bride too was to remain a virgin, prepare to be a wife as she was mentored by older wives and was to remain faithful until her marriage.
Dating and courtship is such an important phase in any journey that will essentially lead to marriage.
The problem is that the landscape has changed so much, there is really no difference between that phase and marriage itself.
Ladies are playing wives even without getting to know these men.
Dating and courtship gives you both a perfect opportunity to flip through each other’s chapters of life and reveal what lies beneath the surface.
Dating gives you the both the opportunity to choose the type of canvas that you will essentially paint your marriage portrait on.
So why are you skipping the part of choosing, and go straight on to paint on a piece of paper, just because you don’t want the hard work of choosing?
You see, before settling for a particular type of car, you will research, go into details of what the interior should look like.
You will ask all sorts of questions regarding it’s mileage, the air-conditioner, the rims, the airbags, it’s stereo.
You will research.
Why? Because, you will want this car to serve you in the long run and give you back in return, the value for your investment.
If you spend so much time asking and inquiring about a particular car when you want to buy it, why don’t you spend more time knowing this person that you are essentially laying down your life for?
The person you are giving your heart to and hope to commit all your life to on earth?
The person who will shape your destiny for better or for worse?
Why do we cheapen the dating and courtship phase to be all about S.E.X?
Miss, you want that man who will marry you to marry you for who you are, not what you do for him. No, not sex and definitely not playing wife and washing his undies yet he has not shown an aorta of commitment.
I have seen many women “fight for their space” by playing wife and at the end, get heartbroken.
You know why? Because he must decide and choose you first.
You cannot bargain for his love by sleeping with him.
You cannot bargain for his love by doing his laundry.
You cannot bargain for his love by cooking for him.
You will cook for him, sleep with him, run his errands, then he will leave you for another woman who is feisty, courageous, assertive and challenges his intellect.
He will leave you for this woman who knows what she wants and who she is and cannot be bent.
You will end up being heartbroken, you will be the “psychotic ex” calling him a “dog” but whose fault was it anyway?
It’s your fault. You did not use your head too!
You followed your heart, hoping that he will see and “fall for you”, like you did but he didn’t. He didn’t because there was nothing more you were bringing on the table.
So before you play wife and I say play because it’s simply playing, – God hasn’t joined you, you joined yourself – save yourself the trouble.
Marriage is not a toe-dipping event. It’s a serous thing, and that’s why it’s not termed as an achievement, but a COVENANT.
Find this person, observe what they do, research on them thoroughly, reflect on what you have found, ask the Lord for discernment and decide, THAT IS DATING AND COURTSHIP in short.
I know the Lord will help us tackle the topic with all genuineness and sincerity being as candid as possible.
I want to call this transitioning – Dating and courtship.