It’s said that you should enjoy your singleness as it’s a gift, before the Lord gifts you another one called marriage.
It’s actually called a gift. Wrapped up with pomp and color of a wedding, and it’s unwrapped during the wedding night.
The gift pops out – marriage begins.
But is marriage really a gift? From my experience, every gift I ever received made me ecstatic.
I felt good to be gifted something.
Then why does marriage have some moments of soul wrenching pain?
A pain that lingers longer than a physically inflicted pain. Why do spouses, who once gazed at each other in awe, staring at each other for ages, hurt each other so much that the emotional chasms cannot be mended?
How can a gift cause so much pain?
The truth is, if we view marriage with our perspective entirely skewed to the “feelings” we ought to feel when our spouses walk in, or call us, then marriage will cease to be gift – since they will never surpass our expectations.
Marriage is not easy and those who say it is, are not really emotionally, physically, financially, socially and spiritually invested.
They are those sort of people who would rather not dig in into each other’s lives. The surface is enough to suffice, glossing the surface, pretending that there are no cracks to be filled.
Such people do not have an idea how much they are missing in terms of developing rich meaningful relationships.
Marriage is hard, but the race can be conquered.
A marathon is more hectic than a sprint race.
It requires more preparation and a healthy steady pace of endurance. Such is the gift called marriage.
You see God says, every good and perfect gift comes from Him. That includes marriage.
With its hard seasons, it’s still good and perfect.
With the sorrow and pain it may have, it’s still good and perfect.
With its times of infallibility of our spouses, it’s still good and perfect.
As I said before, in marriage, God isn’t seeking out for “feel good” moments. That is not what he’s up to when he gifts you into marriage. He knows that happiness will come, but even if it doesn’t, his purpose has a higher calling and it will prevail.
He is seeking his righteousness. Happiness is just the icing on the cake.
It’s alright to be romantic, sentimental, thoughtful… but those are just but perks that come with the main gift. A gift that requires eternity to unwrap.
If we consider marriage through the eyes of the earthly things, things that are endearing to us, then we are missing the point.
Marriage gift doesn’t just inspire happy moments; Sanctification is the point of marriage.
Love that is unadulterated is the point of marriage.
Desires that transcend personal gains is the point of marriage.
I love C. S Lewis book “The weight of Glory.” He says, “To please God, to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness, to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son – it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is.”
I couldn’t add more. If you view marriage as a way to fill up a void in our heart, then clearly you don’t need marriage. You need God. You need to experience his love, then you won’t have to expect your spouse to fill up what GOD SHOULD should fill.
Only God can fill the “God hole.”
He created that void that our hearts and placed desires will make us be pulled towards Him.
How genius is our God. Marriage is a gift if viewed through the lenses of forgiveness, grace, brokenness that ultimately leads us to a place of saying, “It’s no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. ”
The gift is to us, that we will be transformed by the death of SELF.
That we will increase in his wisdom and knowledge, having LESS OF US AND MORE OF GOD.
That doesn’t mean that we should neglect our spouses, no. In fact, it should draw us closer to each other.
Knowing that your spouse is the one-person God has given you to model his prefect love with.
When we grasp this concept of marriage being a gift to us from God, of having more of him and less of us, then our shallow view will change.
We will realize that all the color, decor, pomp and merry was collating to one final picture. All this, is just but an echo of the real sound. The sound of God himself in us.
When we draw neigh to God, then he draws us together in marriage.
This is the gift. MORE OF GOD AND LESS OF US. YES, marriage is a gift to purify us, make us live in abundance, walking in Faith, experience his peace, enjoy his grace, as wait for the day of Glory.