My husband woke up this particular morning looking all excited and told me, “Hunnie let’s go for a random shoot! ”
In my head, nothing is usually random, except for shopping!
I carefully plan everything! Except occasional impulsive purchases! Just a little bit!
He’s more spontaneous of the two of us.
After having one hour to myself and still was unable to decide what to wear – to a photoshoot that was way abrupt – I decided to go with what I had worn. My mind was already racing!
“What’s this theme called random? ” ” How do random outfits look like? ”
We did go to a studio that we well accustomed to. Malcolm was the one behind the camera. With Malcolm, music always is part and parcel of the shoot.
We danced and at some point even forgot that we were having a photo session.
The rhythm was so good. The rhythm was really in us.
At first, we were both just not so much in the whole gist of it, we were sort of looking out of sync, probably because I have never done a random photoshoot, but occasionally, Malcolm prodded us.
He was always shouting from his office, “What about this one?”
Johnny says, “Nooo!”
Am thinking, “I like that one! It’s danceable.!”
We went through a couple of songs on a playlist until we got the best rhythm for both of us!
We danced and moved with it naturally, glided effortlessly with every movement fitting the music because the music was now part of us. We had a random photo session! Finally.
That is marriage.
At first, no one is usually well aware of the “rhythm.”
God joins us and as soon as “I DO” is said, the rhythm begins. He says, “The music is on!” “Find your rhythm!”
All newlyweds wonder what moves they should make. They wonder what would suit their partners and at the same time be well enjoyed by them too.
I remember after our honeymoon, Johnny sat on a couch and asked me, “How do husbands sit?” “Where will I sit? ”
I told him to choose a sit that can fit both of us because I needed to keep my feet warm too! (Well, I slip my feet under his bum, it’s warm!)
We finally chose to sit on the 3 seater. It was comfortable for both of us plus we could snuggle anytime!
Such is marriage. Marriage has got it’s rhythm too.
At first, it’s not so easy to know what works for both of you, but as you get into the rhythm, you neither violate the “rules” (though occasional misunderstandings happen) nor work so hard (performance based relationship) to follow them but rather blend your own distinct input together.
Each responds happily to the music, flowing together, probably incorporating one or two goofy moments of but none is out of sync.
Even when you collide while dancing, scuffle around, or step on each others toes, the music continues.
You apologize, kiss and continue to dance. The music is in you.
We are not where we were years down in our marriage. We have grown. Not without tears, misunderstandings, dying to self and tons of prayer, but the rhythm of the Lord is in us.
God’s rhythm. His truth about marriage.
Learning is always ongoing. We are still work in progress, working out our marriage everyday. So far, so God! And it’s so good!
This is the rhythm.
Understanding how headship and submission actually work in marriage is hard. I have witnessed people who haven’t gotten their tempo yet.
Yes it’s sometimes clumsy, actually it is at the beginning. As clumsy as a toddler learning to walk and trying to get their way around the house without mam saying “No! No! baby!” Or daddy saying, “That’s not food! Don’t put it in your mouth!”
There are dos’ and don’ts’ and some times they feel burdensome! You know why? Because either one of the spouse hasn’t got their flow yet, or both of them are simply out of sync. Attuned to the surrounding and what doesn’t look right, instead of listening up to the Masters voice!
If we view them as “rules to follow”, then the whole point about marriage is negated. His glory cannot be seen neither witnessed.
We make marriage mechanical than being a selfless passionate affair devoid of rigid conformity or liberated gratification from self.
We lose the rhythm of sacrificial love that the Lord wants us to enjoy.(1st Corinthians 13)
But there’s one person who is constantly cheering us on into realizing how perfectly He designed marriage.
Just like our photographer Malcolm, God constantly says to us, “There’s the music! This my perfect rhythm! Enjoy, dance! ” (Ephesians 5:25-31) (1st Peter 3:1-9)
The difference is, God doesn’t need to go through a couple of songs to get us the best tune. He has no playlist.
He already provided it! It’s in His word. All we need is tune our spiritual ears and eyes to hear His beat!
But most of the time, we are looking at our spouses.
Looking at how misplaced they seem on the dance floor, or how clumsy they look.
How “not well prepared” they look.
We look at their miscalculated steps. We call them flawed and misguided.
We are blind to our own indignation and sin.
We view ourselves as complete, bearing a strength that’s intimidating than inviting.
We are full of pride that obscures how much “work” we have to put in our character.
Sometimes we want our spouses to dance like we do. Have the same choreographed moves.
We look to them more often than looking up, where our rhythm comes from.
We place our expectations heavily on them and expect them to “do, say, act, as we do!”
That is not marriage. We can never be the same, nor dance the same way.
You will be putting so much pressure on your spouse if you expect them to “move like you move!”
Marriage with then turn burdensome!
Christ is there! Look up! Listen to His voice!
Provided both of you are in sync with God, enjoy the rhythm!
That rhythm, His rhythm, can only be heard if both of you are attuned to Christ more than your spouse.
As the great truths about God are played over and over again, the rhythm of His truths about His unconditional love, His sacrificial giving, the weight of His holiness, the need for our brokenness, His marks of grace and our need for His redemption, when all these and more are replayed, and we listen and do, then our marriage pace picks.
We begin to enjoy the music!
We see and look at our spouses through the lenses of immense love that’s called to give without expecting.
We begin to look at ourselves, have constant introspection that causes us to seek Christ more to fix our selfish desires – and in that, he draws our partners to ourselves for we radiate a love that only Christ can TEACH!
Marriage stops being a competition, instead, it becomes about complementing each other. Growing each other, building each other and leading each other a step closer to Christ, every day! Our children become disciples of Christ through seeing our love for each other.
Headship and submission are no longer viewed as roles to fit in but rather great opportunities to serve as Christ.
To give our spouses what they long for from us because God has fashioned us so well to be able to give.
When we follow the rhythm of God in marriage, our lives will be characterized by humbled passion rather than rigid conformity or liberated selfishness.