Johnny loves his tea brewed. I mix and stir everything at once. I know… I know… I learnt how to make the best tea and pancakes from him!
He makes his chapattis, well, how can I describe it, let’s just say, it needs the help of Jesus!
He learnt to make them from me.
I squeeze my toothpaste from down, he squeezes it from the middle.
He irons meticulously, he can get a gold medal for his ironing skills. I iron too, but just to make it “wearable” and bearable to look at.
He clears the table immediately after we done with our meals. I clear it too, but after we have talked – say after 3 hours or so – and it’s time for me to clean up the kitchen.
I can’t survive having dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. He can clean them, but the next day.
He never sees the laundry basket. His socks are everywhere. One can be in the laundry room, the next under our bed. I come in to faithfully collect them, pair them, clean them and put them appropriately.
We are that different in little ways and those were the issues we grappled with when we settled down. We fought over everything and anything.
We were slowly drifting apart, tearing the very canvas we were to paint our legacy on, not really ready to “back down” for each other.
It’s as if we were not in the same team.
Then one day we asked each other this question, “Is it worth fighting over?” “Are all these things worth hating each other over?”
Our marriage took a turn for the better and for the best. We are still practitioners.
Every day growing to be more other centered because we simply let go, for the other person.
Every day growing from strength to strength.Psalms 84:7
Let’s talk about the toothpaste tube.
I grew up with a mother who taught us that a toothpaste tube should be squeezed from bottom up.
My husband on the other hand, has no problem squeezing it right the middle of the tube.
Do you identify with this? It bugs you that your spouse doesn’t do it “right,” the way you do it, right?
But: Does it really matter? Is it really an issue?
Yes, we know you pray and wish your spouse would do it your way. After all, it matters to you.
It makes you mad that he/she simply doesn’t get it! It is a simple thing. “Just squeeze the tube from bottom! ”
We understand that it makes you pissed and triggers negative energies in you. We get it.
But, does it really matter? Is it worth fighting over? Is it an issue? Is a toothpaste tube worth shouting at each? Is it worth sulking over? Is it worth shutting down and you two aren’t talking simply because “my spouse isn’t doing it the “right way” – read YOUR WAY? ”
“Yes it matters!” Most definitely it does since it’s part of who you are. It’s your preference. We cannot dispute that.
Then let’s ask another question, “Does it make your marriage unbearable?” Is it in your priority list?” “Can you drown down or will your value dimish if the tube isn’t squeezed your way? ”
Am a hundred percent sure it doesn’t lie even on the margin!
Here’s the truth, anything can be an issue if you make it an issue!
Strong opinions about everything will only obscure whatever good is around you.
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Opinions about toothpaste tube, toilet rolls, drinking cups, serving bowls. It’s just too much.
Now, it’s alright to have your preferences, but the moment you find yourself fighting over “non issues,” take a pause and ask, “is it worth it? ”
When little things are making you angry, you won’t have any room to be positive. Your attitude will be of a critical spirit and you will have no room to enjoy your marriage.
A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones! Proverbs 17:22!
You can’t make everything a big deal in your marriage. This truth requires you to relax on a few things and figure out how to let them go so they don’t continue to fuel negativity.
Take a pause and ask, “is it worth fighting over? ”
You didn’t marry a perfect person. You are both so imperfect and your strengths do not reach match. He might be strong in your weakest area and she could be strong in your most challenging area.
Either way, God fashioned us to complement each other instead not complete against each other.
Some things will bother you, but when you find yourself at that point, you’ll have to ask yourself, “Does this really matter?”
Now we are not advocating for a rigid spirit. That you cannot change one or two things or all for your spouse. Only a fool does that.
The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
We are saying that sometimes, your spouse might slip back to his or her way of doing things – and at point of you have A CHOICE on how to react.
Will you castigate them or patiently bear as you teach them how things should be done – or simply PASS! It’s not worth losing your family over!
Will you be critical or will you embrace them?
Of course many things matter in marriage. Faithfulness, trust, committtment , understanding. Those matter and it calls for selflessness that both of you will live a life of surrender to each other.
But so much happens as we blend in two different persons.
A lot goes on that we can be tempted to be swayed by the non issues, that they create a vortex of the very same things we work to protect our marriages against.
A vortex for issues like infidelity, disconnection, secrecy in finances, sexual addictions and much more.
No one wants to live with a contentious wife or a nassistic husband. If you keep asking, “Does this really matter?” you’ll find yourself engaging in fewer battles with your spouse and enjoying more peace in your marriage.
Do not make everything an issue! Pick your battles wisely!
It doesn’t take hours to pick up his socks, or squeeze the toothpaste tube back up!
Choose your battles wisely!