It’s in the wee hours of the night. I have this strange tug in my heart. I check on the baby, and she’s soundly asleep in the Lord’s arms.
I shake my husband awake and explain the tug I have. As usual he encourages me and says, “Hunnie am praying for you.”
It’s comforting to know that he’s praying as I battle with this.
A love that sustains your love! I know it sounds weirdly paradoxical.
It’s a strange topic. I took a long time asking the Lord why I should put it so… and He spoke. The Lord speaks. It doesn’t need to be loud and thunderous. It doesn’t need to be through someone, but he does speak.
He speaks in gentle whispers that get easily crowded by other voices. He does speak in that tug that consciously or unconsciously pushes our hearts towards certain directions.
As I begin this, the Lord reminds me of our journey of marriage again and again.
There are times we have had breathtaking moments and there were times we have gone through swampy places, through the miry bog that tempted to either drown us or chock us with their vapors.
The journey has not been without it’s bitter providences and sweet givings. It has been a journey of two imperfect souls constantly forgiving each other and working out our marriage. The goal is to finish together.
We are still practitioners, not perfect, a work in progress, in the Potter’s hands, constantly being pummeled even though we would rather have it easy. It’s not easy having a love that would sustain our love.
All has been worth every sweat, blood, tears and prayers. Marriage is a journey of two servants! Always remember that.
The sanctity of marriage, the promises we give to our spouses and the vows we make are not just but mere words. They are life. They are words that create.
Just as God spoke the earth and all it’s indwelling into existence, so do we give life to our marriages too.
We either give life, or break it!
With our humanness we cannot comprehend how serious this institution is unless with clarity from the Holy-Spirit. Only He alone can make us wise since the gospel is just but foolishness to them that are perishing. 1st Corinthians 1:18.
In a world where our instant genuflection of our wounded, staved or otherwise bloated egos and emotions is promiscuity and chronic sexual manoeuvres, it’s so possible to understand why not everyone will get what marriage is.
The world thinks that marriage is a place to get, yet in its fullness, marriage is a place of giving.
Without Christ we cannot understand that love that sustains the marriage.
We are infallible, always crying out for our own selves and we cheapen marriage too by making it all about ourselves.
If our partners cannot provide for OUR needs, then they do not deserve us – we say.
No one can meet our needs 100 percent. We need Christ and it cannot be any other way.
So why a love that sustains your love?
You see, so many people get married for all the wrong reasons. If it’s not out of pressure – they are late, it’s because of sex – they simply cannot keep their zips up nor their legs together.
Some settle because they are lonely, some are after the material gain others want children. So myopic are the reasons and so shallow is our understanding of marriage. If only we knew that our marriages echo the reality that is to come, then it would have been an easier journey.
Marriage is not an award winning event, that’s cheapening its worth.
Marriage is not an achievement, that’s too parochial.
Marriage is not a destination, that’s too myopic.
Marriage is not just about happiness, that’s too shallow and self-gratifying.
Marriage is not about grandeur, that’s such a small-minded view.
Marriage is a gift. A gift from the Lord to us. A shadow of the main.
Marriage is a covenant – and it’s painful to bear at times – It is a covenant, and covenants were/are never easy to give. Covenants required an abandonment of self. It’s a high calling.
Marriage is a journey of perfection.
Marriage is a mission to bring the reality of Christ’s love into perspective.
Marriage is all about sanctification, happiness is an icing.
Therefore, considering all the aforementioned, it’s all in order to say that marriage should therefore have a purpose that transcends the smiles, the dancing and the opulence that’s paraded on our wedding day.
If you have to have a love that will sustain your love, then it’s important to disrobe yourself. The self has to die every day! Only then can you have a covenant love that can sustain your love through all seasons of marriage.
Covenant love is tough.
It’s a love that still chooses even when crushed to a pulp.
It’s a 1st Corinthians 13 type of love. It’s sometimes devoid of smiles, but without it, then we are doing NOTHING!
Every marriage, in fact all marriages have seasons of plenty and lack. It has seasons of disappointment, anger, happiness, resentment, frustration, and grind.
No marriage goes through this journey without experiencing part of this – if blessed, or all of it, if blessed even the more! A-HA!
Pain in marriage is part of it, and it is a gracious gift to us. A gift that causes us to shift our focus from a mortal human being called a husband or wife to the author and finisher of our faith, CHRIST!
It teaches us what covenant love looks like. A love that should sustain your love.
It’s easy to point fingers at each other during those times, apportion blame, quit talking to each other, resent each other, even worse, see each other as the main cause of the misery in your marriage. It is easy not to respect your husband, let alone submit. It is easy not to care for your wife, let alone love her during the hard seasons of our marriages.
But when those moments come, and sometimes linger around for a long while –when our hearts are so crushed and we have a myriad of words unspoken – those are the very moments that a love so real needs to be displayed. Those are moments you give unreservedly; those are the moments you love wholeheartedly!
Hard right? But if you do, then you pass your test!
The love that should sustain our love only shows itself when the foundation is tried, shaken and tested. Will you love as Christ? Will you keep the covenant? Will you lean into your spouse the most? Will you extend grace even though they least deserve it?
We all marry wanting perfection, but soon realize that feelings are just but temporal perfunctory crutches.
Love feelings are not a safe place to build on a solid marriage. Feelings waver. Feelings will never be enough to hold a marriage together.
What God calls us to have if you are married or planning to get married, is have a love that’s pegged on His principles. A love that conceals, bears, shields, serves and builds.
A love spoken into existence by Him, for Him, through him, sealed by God himself, intricately interwoven in Him and he becomes the main witness to your vows and your “one flesh bond.”
He says, “Your marriage, models my love to the church.” “It will be hard, but pursue!”
But this is NOT what the world says. The world tells you to quit the moment marriage gets rough.
The world yells, “Leave! Quit! Go!” God says, “Pursue, Pray, Work, Forgive, be kind!”
Of course, if there is abuse, then we should be wise enough to separate as we seek help. We cannot be wise in our own understanding!
That’s how God defines love. The Bible tells us that love never fails us!
It’s a love that sustains your love…
But there are those times, when we march to church, and after 4 hours, we get a resolve to make ourselves better for our spouses, then on returning home, things are worse.
There are moments we feel like giving up. Our strength fails us. We get tired and weary of trying.
But this is the beautiful mystery of marriage that Paul talks about in Ephesians 5.
It’s a covenant love. It’s not something you just wake up and decide “out” simply because you “feel” tired. That love, the covenant love, is one that seeks out to serve, to give, to pursue, to cherish, to pour out yourself for your spouse.
It’s about being naked in mind, body, soul, strength and spirit.
It’s about being humble enough to lay down your life for another just as Christ did for us. That’s a love that sustains your love.
Remember what Christ tells us in Zechariah 9:11
As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will free your prisoners from the water-less pit.
Christ made a covenant that costed him. And even when we least deserve it, he still waits patiently for us to snap out of our trance and behold His glory.
2nd Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
So when you feel lost in your marriage, when you feel low, when you hate your spouse more than you can comfortably describe…
When you feel like the spark is gone and you are more of roommates than a couple, when you feel like you have grown apart, when you can’t face each other and talk …
When they don’t make you blush anymore, when her sight is repulsive, when the kids are the only bond between you two, when every day is an arguing day…
When the trust is gone,
When all seems bleak, that’s when God asks of His covenant love to abide in you the more.
Situations in marriage can be very draining, painful to bear, confusing, and potentially devastating to our marriage, but they are not a reason to call it quits. I know this will be frowned upon, probably some will say, ” You guys don’t know our situation!”
Oh yes we do!
We have been there. A place where we felt we are getting drained faster by our marriage more than anything else – but God held us! He upheld us. We did not quit. We chose to fight and forgive.
He taught us what covenant love is. Our hearts were calloused but then he asked, “Who is willing to start the journey of restoration? ”
We must be willing to fight for our marriages. It certainly takes both the husband and wife to make it work, but we must be willing to take the first step. The first step is the hardest but liberating.
Don’t put your marriage at the back burner.
We need to devote ourselves to our spouses, whether they deserve it or not. God holds you perfectly responsible in how you choose to act towards your spouse’s failures.
Covenant love, a love that will sustain your love and rekindle it, is more like a vaccine. It’s painful but once you have gotten its rhythm, then it shields you in the days to come.
Make a commitment to start over today. Intentionally serve your spouse.
The world will talk. The world will discourage you from giving, but give anyway. The world will tell you that you must get, but in your faithfulness, you preach to the fallen world.
Go an extra mile every day. Ask of your actions towards your spouse and more so, ask the Lord to direct your steps in marriage.
Begin small, by remembering what you used to do for your spouse before you got married.
Intentionally plan for each other. Go for walks together, movies, sit down and talk together about anything, be vulnerable and stripped. Put each other first!
Walk with godly couples who will encourage you to press on and pray with if need be. More so seek the Lord in prayer. If you understand the power of prayer, then you do know that there’s nothing impossible with God.
This covenant love, is a love that will sustain your love!