Keeping Boundaries in check is important especially during dating, courtship and marriage, the do’s and don’ts at these levels are the basic foundations of healthy, lasting and fulfilling relationships.
The subject of boundaries is old fashioned, but again, if the old fashioned way used to work then, and sustained marriages, why not embrace them even in our current times?
In the African culture, marriages were pre-arranged.
The parents of either sides used to sit down and plan for you, who you shall get married to and when. The children were ‘earmarked’ and betrothed even before they knew they were.
When they came to learn about it, they would only watch from a distance their future spouses.
They were not allowed to meet for long, or by themselves until during the wedding day.
Everything was official and under supervision.
Nothing was done in the “maize plantations.”- secretly.
Fast forward to the current times, it’s completely a contrast, as opposite as light and darkness.
Emotional Boundaries are as important as physical boundaries.
But have removed every boundary that was meant to keep us safe, healthy and at peace.
We have neglected the perpetual principles of relationships, whichever level you are in.
We term the boundaries old fashioned and a thing of the past that has no space in this new dispensation, yet they are better off that what we have today.
Pause right there, breath in, breath out. I am not trying to draw reference from our culture and not the Word of God. Our bases of interaction at whichever level should mirror Christ’s.
All I am trying to say is that boundaries are good.
Boundaries are meant to safeguard what is inside.
Anything precious needs a wall, a gate and a working lock.
Not every Tom, Dick and Harry should have an access to your well-kept vineyard.
Do you value yourself?
Do you value what you have?
Do you esteem the king or queen in you?
Do you know your self-worth?
Then why don’t you fortify the walls around you?
Boundaries can either be spiritual, physical or emotional.
Spiritual boundaries are spiritually erected.
Physical boundaries are physically enforced.
Emotional boundaries are emotionally installed.
Physical boundaries are governed by proximity. How close you are to someone.
Are you with the right person? Are you faithful?
If you are in courtship and you know very well that when two of you are left together in a room, your guards are let down, avoid solitary encounters. There’s always the stronger one when it comes to keeping the boundaries. Be the one. Trust me, it will be worth the wait, if only you can wait for the next season in your life, marriage.
In the context of marriage, is your body exclusively your spouse’s? Are you the touchy-touchy guy in your workplace? Are your clothes worn by lady friends when they feel cold oh ye someone’s husband? I can go on and on….
If in a relationship, do you emotionally cheat on your partner by engaging in emotional ties with others?
Could it be your Ex, or your work mate or your neighbor, or a high school/college puppy love?
Could it be your boss?
Could it be your pastor?
Where do you drain your emotions?
How well do you contain and control your emotions?
Being emotionally close with the opposite sex who is not your spouse or partner is a bomb awaiting detonation! Why? This is because when God created man and a woman, he created them with traits that are special to them. We are different.
It’s a tricky affair to have an opposite sex as a BFF other than your spouse or partner. Feelings and emotions get in the way.
God created us for His pleasure. He also created us for relationships. At the end of the day, whomever we are relating with, are our hearts pure, what’s our attitude towards them, are we honest with ourselves? Are we mindful of our spouses or partner? Are we being selfish? What’s the driving force behind the relationship?
We need to be accountable to God. He’s the author of it all. We also need to be accountable to someone, be it a family member, an older friend of the same sex (someone of good repute), a spiritual authority or a Godly couple. This way, one can be able to avoid the pitfalls of emotional and physical promiscuity!
Emotional promiscuity denies your partner the right to be there for you.
It drains the relationship.
Emotions are powerful. The human nature gravitates towards the place of emotional satisfaction.
As a wife, do you fulfill the emotional needs of your husband?
Take time to learn his language of love. Understand his way of showing emotions, however faint they are.
As for you the husband, attend to the emotional side of your wife.
Feed her when she’s at home and out there working, whether in the ministry or at the market place.
Satisfy her emotionally.
Do not give the devil a loophole.
Build her, encourage her, be her priest, respect her, love her, appreciate her, be her number one fan, be responsible, listen to her, make her a meal, rub her feet, massage her back, uplift her spirits, take good care of her, show genuine concern, the list is endless my friend.
One thing I have found to be true, it is very easy to do the wrong thing(s) and not the right thing(s). Right things are hard to do especially when your heart is always inclined to the wrong.
Evil is enticingly addictive.
It has this alluring and seductive nature.
But we must conquer it by the help of the One Who Conquered.
So young man, keep those boundaries, they will keep you from the destiny killers. Keep away from the Delilahs’. They will shave you bald my friend and take away your birthright!
Young lady, it is worth it. It’s okay to say NO. You don’t have to go that far to please a man who doesn’t even have you in his mind. Let them keep off!