- THE POWER TO DESTROY.
The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish one pulls it down with her hands.
I can’t help but think about Sapphira. Ananias wife.
Acts 5 gives us a full account of Ananias and Sapphira and how they conspired to lie to Peter, and yet, they were witnesses to the numerous occasions the Lord has used Peter for His glory. Am sure they were active and present in the ministry, fully aware of the Lord’s doings!
Yet, they gave the devil a foothold.
The Bible says in
1st John 2:16
For everything in the world–the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life–comes not from the Father but from the world.
They too succumbed!
But what really gets to me is verse 2.
Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge, he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.
She, Ananias wife, knew what he had done and decided to say nothing. She did not urge him to do what was right before the Lord. She didn’t not use her God given wisdom to lead him on into rightness – the righteousness of God.
Well, on the flip side it shows how united they were in mind, soul and speech, but it tells us one thing, we, wives, can save or destroy a home.
Look at her contrast. Abigail. The same scenario played itself, when Nabal was spiteful against King David. But she was wise enough to avert the calamity that would have befell her home. Worse, she had Nabal as a husband!
He wasn’t as ‘godly’ as Ananias, my thinking, taking into account of the fact that he had zero regards to the authority placed on David by the Lord.
What if Sapphira used her femininity for the good? What if she encouraged honesty and pushed Ananias to be truthful? What if she was as pursuant towards her husband as she was when encouraging him to sell that parcel of land, pleading with him to do what was right before the Lord? Wouldn’t they have received mercy from the Lord?
God, being the righteous judge, am sure would have mercy on her family, despite his resistance or otherwise.
As much as the Lord has given us the power to build, so do our hands wield the power to destroy.
We have it, readily available. We do not need to struggle to pull down our homes. We do not need to go to school to get a PHD for it.
We can destroy our homes if we fail to discern what is around us.
You see, I get and totally understand and know that we all have our DO parts in marriage, but here goes the jugular – we are called to be builders and if we get foolish, we will destroy our homes and marriages. If we allow the enemy to use us, if we become ignorant of the devil’s schemes, then we will destroy the very thing that should bring glory to the Lord, and turn our little ones into disciples of Christ – our marriages, our homes.
Marriage by all means, is not a place of holding score cards. It’s a place of sacrifice, letting go of the right to fight for your rights, and give yourself all out. Marriage has no place for “me”.
Now, if you are in your singleness season, by all means, enjoy – but once you settle your mind on marriage, take that singleness card, with all its conditions, prejudices, and ash it down.
Perhaps you might ask me how we destroy our homes.
- We’ve got a critical spirit.
Have you ever been around someone negative? Someone who is always critical, about anything, everyone and everything.
I have, and trust me it’s the most draining thing. They never see anything as good. They cannot say “that’s good” and leave it at that.
They always have something wrong to point out. All these, is disguised under the cloak of realism, yet, they are simply critical and negative.
As a man thinketh, so is he. A negative spirit begets a negative attitude and to a large extent, affects one’s looks. Look at anyone who is always negative and critical, they are always frowning!
That’s how most of us are in our marriages.
We live and breathe under negativity.
We relish being critical.
It’s almost as if we are incapacitated if we don’t point out a failure.
“You should have done a, b, c.” “It’s alright, but…you should have said a, b, c”. “This is not right, that is not right.”
A “well done” is more deserving.
“Kudos for that Hunnie!” or perhaps, “That’s just so perfect of you to do!” The list is almost endless.
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones! It’s an act of deliberation. Even if you are as “real” as the morning sun, wisdom chooses what to say, where and how!
- We focus more on ourselves.
Whoever lied to us that marriage has a lee way for “fighting one’s rights ” really did a good job at convincing us – but – at a cost. It’s not a free chip coin.
It was a bold lie and still is a bold lie, but we fall for the devil’s Ponzi scheme! It’s a red herring brewed by the father of all lies! The devil! Your enemy – would you listen to an enemy really? Wouldn’t you be very cautious?
“See, assert yourself!” “You are after all a graduate, with a degree, well-paying job, you were paying your bills.” “What could you possibly loose? ”
Let me tell you what you will lose, a glorious moment of sanctification as you mutually pursue Christ. It’s not just about the happiness, it’s about the polishing!
It’s natural to look out for yourself, but when you put yourself at the center of everything, then that has no other better name than an unqualified sin. The same sin that entangled Lucifer, got puffed up with pride, and was cast down, up to the point of being under our feet!
The self has to die, too many times for a marriage to work. Self and sacrifice are never roommates let alone being bedfellows. If marriage becomes all about you, your needs, your standards, your way, your ideas, your will, then you will live a life of bondage.
A life that has no freedom to focus towards the future with an assurance of the one you are with – since they will have to adhere to you out of fear! Fear does not offer a conducive environment for love to thrive. Yes, it’s not freedom! The little laws, inspire nothing but spite.
Dying to self is not only important in marriage, it’s urgent.
We can only hold on for too long onto a relationship that makes us fearful rather than liberate us. God, is a God of freedom and freedom births love.
Put all your expectations on Christ! He’s more than enough to fulfil each and every one of them!
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Begin a life of giving rather than always taking, more so in marriage.
- We are quarrelsome, nagging and contentious!
Of course you are independent minded! You are strong, a go-getter and very passionate about certain issues.
But, when it comes to marriage, please leave all your titles at the door, get in and be a wife. The Bible tells us to have quite and a calm spirit.
It’s a spirit that rests and trusts in the Lord on behalf of your husband as straight or wayward as he is. A spirit that rests on Christ, graciously restraining itself, responding to accusations or criticism with restraint rooted in humility. A-ha!
Do you restrain yourself when angry at your husband?
Do you answer back with gusto, a smack, rolled eyes and a heightened annoyance that clearly spells out “don’t mess with me!”
Do you storm out throwing your hands up! After all, you care less, right?
Do you remind him of his failures too? Taunting him with his lack of chivalry when it comes to dealing with issues. He’s has no spine, lacks fortitude and mettle.
That’s where the rubber meets the hard road! It will automatically destroy your home.
It doesn’t matter how much he’s resolved, or lack thereof, you shouldn’t nag, you shouldn’t contend, you shouldn’t be quarrelsome.
Am telling you this, because I was quickly running down that path. My mouth ran faster than my feet. Our first year of marriage was exhausting, if that can surmise it all.
We were two exhausted people wondering how in the world our love, a love that once blazed, was slowly fading into oblivion! We were so selfish, none of us was ready to lay all weapons down, and I had a contentious spirit.
The Lord has really worked on me. My mouth and heart more so. I let go and decided to trust. My nagging didn’t change my husband. God did. But it had to come from a willing premise.
I deliberately decided to keep quiet when aggrieved. To hold my tongue when pissed off! Am still doing so. I always have a point to assert myself on, I crucify my mouth everyday, exercising restraint everyday, but I choose to do it!
Mrs. If I could do it, so can you. It’s hard, but you can. You don’t need to talk immediately about something, lest to destroy!
So chose to hold it for a while, until your heart is less aggrieved and most importantly, your mouth has the right words to say.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
- We do not discern the enemy’s loopholes.
Most of the time, because we are either so busy focused on the day to day activities, stuck in the rut of life, we rarely pray. We rarely have time for personal growth in the Lord. We rarely take just 20 minutes to have a quiet time with the Lord.
That’s what the enemy exploits.
Because we don’t spend time with God, our hearts issues magnify more than the Lord God almighty. We easily get bewildered.
We are easily set back by the arrows of the enemy.
We listen more to what our friends say about marriages than listening to the voice of The Shepherd and the report of the Lord.
Why, we don’t spend time with Christ.
Proverbs 31:30 says
Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised.
There is no other beauty in a woman, save for the woman who beholds the Lord’s face and dwells in his presence.
No other charm is effective, save for Christ who gives her His fragrance.
No other way of alluring her husband and children save by seeing her live and do what Christ says. A beautiful woman is one who knows her maker, her redeemer, her savior, her God and walks uprightly in His ways.
She will be fruitful in and out of season. She will glow and grow.
Spending time with God has not only grown me, but has addressed my hearts issues far more than my husband would, or anything else would.
There are issues that your husband cannot deal with conclusively.
He may point out your weaknesses but has no capability of dealing with them, but God can. Only His grace can cure. Only His grace can inspire change.
So get praying dear wife! Do not just wait for Sunday or over meals. Decide to invest more time feeding your inner man. You will be surprised how God will show you ways of handling particular issues in your marriage.
God’s fountain is unending, it’s unbounded and it’s sufficient. You only need to do the necessary thing! Sit at the feet of Jesus just like Mary! As much as Jesus needed something to eat, Martha missed the necessary thing. She was carried off and distracted by the cares of the world.
Let’s do the necessary thing.Spend time with Jesus.
Only He, can change our hearts – literally!
Tearing out, crushing down, completely obliterating a hard heart, and in its place, plant and root in a heart of flesh. A heart that yearns to be more like Jesus every day. A heart that listens, a heart that gives, a heart that radiates the beauty of the Lord in our marriages.
Do not destroy your home!