This picture was taken by our photographer on our 1st year anniversary. We were in a “season of exhaling” after having worked on each other with our egos and bruised each other’s feelings.
Not that we weren’t born again or in some lukewarm situation, but we had each set hard core expectations that were to be met with no ifs, no buts, no ands, just dos and don’ts.
The impact seared hard on our marriage, so this picture, this particular anniversary was a welcome relief, one that spelt victory to us. A baby step towards working hard for our marriage to stand. The Lord had begun teaching us exactly what he meant in 1st Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5, Titus 2, Genesis 15, Malachi 2…I mean literally every Word he breathed.
It was a marriage with oughts’ and sadly that’s what most have.
Caliber of men and women in marriage with oughts’.
Little laws and big Laws that define a marriage. Whispering every day of each other’s fallibilities and weaknesses.
A man ought to …a woman ought to.
To a point of even fighting over socks and hankies (yes I will say it again!)
If really you are going to spend 70 years with this person, some fights are really not necessary. Please grow up!
If a marriage is going to work, it needs to become a contest not to see who is politically, socially, or whatever you think is the right way for you, but it should be one that chooses daily to lose…to win.
Yes, spouses who fight to be servants, not Lords with clear or subtle ‘shuddas’, ‘cuddas’ and ‘wuddas’!
Now, am not suggesting taking the second place because you have ultimately given up on yourself. Or are oppressed, so you end up resigning to a sorry state. Or changing your preferences or opinions on issues.
No, it’s choosing to lose your selfishness, self-centeredness, self-preservation, self-absorption, little and big oughts’ and ought nots and most importantly, pride.
This is what I mean.
Be the first to show service.
If your spouse doesn’t press down the toothpaste well, offer to be helping him or her out. It’s no big deal.
If your spouse isn’t such a good planner, help out don’t impress on them to do as you do. Raise their bar and be apt! They are probably gifted in other area you are weak in and that’s a truth.
If your baby cries, in another room, rush to the rescue. Be there FIRST – as an individual.
You can discuss who will go rest when you both find yourselves at the cot. Don’t go like, I took the kid last time. It’s your turn.
Having a bad day? Call your spouse and encourage them FIRST. See what they are up-to and ask how you can make their day easier.
Choose your spouse’s projects FIRST over yours. Don’t take hard stances on what should be done first. In fact, fight to implement your spouse’s project first.
When seated down and you have your favorite TV program coming in a few, ask your spouse what they would like to watch FIRST. Watch that program, with gladness! You don’t know how much you have built! He or she will remember that!
When you get home exhausted, sit down with your spouse FIRST and ask them how their day was. 5 minutes it’s all it takes to build a lifetime of gratitude. Pack their lunch FIRST before packing yours! Before undertaking a major project, ask your spouse FIRST. Put their considerations FIRST before your zeal and zest.
Listen, Christ calls us to do most things totally in the opposite way that the world and flesh will tell us to. So if you’re going to make your marriage a competition, compete over which spouse will BE THE FIRST to serve, and SECOND to be served.
Listen, Christ calls us to do most things totally in the opposite way that the world and flesh will tell us to.
Small decisions and major decisions in marriage would be so easy to tackle if either party chose to serve the other without holding the card of “I NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD FIRST!” Instead it should be “I WILL SEEK TO UNDERSTAND AND SERVE YOU FIRST!”
Choose to be second to your spouse!
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)