In Singleness & Relationships

FIGHT F.O.M.O – IN SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. PART 1

FOMO – FEAR OF MISSING OUT!

Am not against hashtags, but when these hashtags started emerging, #slaying, #self-made and more self-defining hashtags, I knew something was going wrong somewhere.

It’s as if a new movement had emerged.
A movement that encourages us to be defined by ourselves for ourselves! “Go to the world, and get! It’s all yours!”

Now, there’s nothing wrong about loving yourself, embracing yourself and building yourself – but there’s everything wrong about defining yourself by the externalities.

Building your curb appeal at the expense of your worth.
Being defined by what you do, what you have, rather than who you are.

There’s everything wrong about FOMO. FOMO that makes you conform to the set worldly standards. That’s the pressure.

FOMO, funny enough, attacks both sides, the singles and the married. Keeping up with the Joneses, to feel as if you fit.
Sad that we are the quick fix generation, clutching so hard on candy like a little child, unaware of the effects it has at the tail end.

We want the “appeal” without realizing that appeal is just that, appeal. Appeal is superficial, the real deal is in the work. What goes on behind the scenes.

The Bible says in Jude 1:24
To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy.

God is more than enough to keep you in purity!
No, not safe sex, GREAT SEX, in marriage.

Let’s talk about this FOMO in sex. Sex, by all means is perfect and a good gift from the Father of lights with whom there are no variableness – James 1:17, but sex outside marriage, is definitely not good.

It’s not based on intimacy, but FOMO. It’s pressured by the society, fueled by the sex bombarded world and by no means, does it have the clarity of marriage.

The ambiguity it creates in a relationship is an ingredient of the inevitable meal – a thorough heartbreak.

Sex outside marriage, makes a promise hang on pegs, right at the ankles.

So your friends tell you that their boyfriends are “wild” in bed?

Did they tell you how lonely they feel every time they give themselves away with no solid promise about tomorrow?

Did they tell you of the fear that grips them every time they argue, and the only way to appease the man, keep him from going is sex?

Did they tell you that the make out sessions, heavy petting and sex, replaces the real talk?

Did they tell you how they live in fear of “what if” he gets a better deal?

Don’t you think that’s enough pressure to cause you to crush down?

It’s not love, it’s co-dependency, driven by fear. Perfect love, casts out fear.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment; and the one fearing has not been perfected in love.- 1st time John 4:18,

Secondly, Love isn’t defined by “how many times you two sleep together.”
It’s defined first, by how patient you can wait, as you build your foundation for marriage. It’s THE FIRST VIRTUE. LOVE IS PATIENT.

Ask yourself, if sex, make out sessions are not in your relationship, what are you two offering each other?

Sex defining a relationship more like getting a furrow land, and putting up a structure without a foundation.
It may hold for a week, but soon, lizards, and creepy crawling insects find their asylum.

The weather begins taking a toll on it. Winds begin bending it down and the sun warps it. It’s only a matter of time, a huff and puff and that structure will crumble down.

How shallow. No, How sad. Whoever told you that sex is enough to show commitment lied. Sex, doesn’t mean commitment, more so outside the parameters of marriage.

It simply means that he hasn’t mastered his emotions and you Miss, are an enabler, a catalyst.

He will not commit because you let him get the boobies, and the cookie without him touching your heart first.

Sex before marriage robs you off the joy of intimacy. It clouds your judgement and so many things are left unsaid, and unattended to, thinking that sex has sorted out the heart issues!

No! Sex sorts out our physical needs. Intimacy sorts out the issues of our heart. Don’t confuse the two.

We miss the greatest freedom chasing down the temporal.

You think waiting is weird? A mistake? Unfashionable? You will be made fun of? You will miss out on the juicy stories?

Let no one lie to you. Sydney Sheldon’s idea of sex in His novels, are just a big fallacy. He has made his money! His is not an original. It’s not a copy either, it’s a pseudo!

Even in marriage, sex on the first day, your honeymoon, is painstakingly painful for lack of a better word. Nothing magical and no unicorns appear in the sky! No twinkling stars. Just messy, sweaty and gross!

The next weeks that follow are weeks of finding your rhythm. Dying to self. A journey of shedding of expectations and cleaving, not for the faint hearted and selfish.

Then the work continues of fanning the intimacy, knowing your spouse’s needs and asking the Lord to teach you the “how’s”.

Now that, ladies and gentlemen is sanctification as we like to call it, and it births really really REALLY REALLY REALLY GREAT SEX – because it stops being about you, but about the other person.

That’s God’s original plan about sex. INTIMACY, because He is HIS ESSENCE IS INTIMACY, not a shallow disposition of what sex is purported to be!

You definitely know that you not only sleeping together, but bonded and moving together. Your body bears witness of not only feeling good, but being good and in perfect peace!

Does that happen outside marriage? No!
Set outside marriage is more about gratification, not sanctification. It’s a pursuit of self.

Try getting into a marriage clutching on sex as your life guard. The mistake of getting into marriage because you couldn’t fight the FOMO in sex, is too costly than what you would have actually spent on your wedding day.

When God told us that the marriage bed should not be defiled, He said so to keep us safe. More so, our emotions.

Remember, every person has a marriage bed, it’s only that some lie to quickly on it without spreading the bedding! Spread the bedding first!

The Bible says in 2nd Peter 1:3

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

You can live a godly life. You can wait. And if you stumbled, you can still choose and decide to walk the path of purity again. Purity is achievable even at this day and age.

Christ promises us that freedom. You don’t need to conform to FOMO. Rise above it.

Sex is such a wonderful gift from God; but it makes a horrible and a terrible idol, brutal and unyielding in the misery it inflicts.

We need to have our gaze lifted.

A Godly mind that so desires to delight in that which God delights in, that it revels in rejecting the cheap substitutes pawned off on this passing age as true pleasure, and instead only finds satisfaction in what is purest and highest and noblest and best.

Keep a circle of friends who can build you. Watch what you listen to.
Don’t feed your spirit with sex craved songs.

Take care of your eyes. Your eyes are the window to your heart. Guard your heart, by guarding your eyes and ears!
Be accountable to someone of your gender who is godly and will not smoother you or encourage you to sin – yes I insist in this – and lastly, resolve to want more than sex.

Desire INTIMACY with your spouse because sex in marriage should blossom out of the bud of intimacy.

Intimacy cannot be substituted by SEX!

Fight the FOMO of sex before marriage.

You will not believe how great sex will be with your spouse!

#singleness
#inChrist
#marriageworks
#Godspeed
#chastity

 

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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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