In Marriage Matters, Our Journey, Singleness & Relationships

MY STRUGGLE WITH PORN.

THE GENESIS.

I grew up in a God fearing environment. My parents showed me the way to go. They led me to the Cross, from where I saw the one who loved me way before I even knew He existed. I laid my burdens down and put Him on.

My mother is a prayer warrior. She taught me how to fast and pray. She taught me how to trust in God in all my ways. My dad is a manifestation of forgiveness and forbearance. He has taught me that you don’t have to be perfect, but you must strive to walk in the way to perfection.
I was brought up in the church.

Making presentation and bible verse recitals every other Sunday in the Sunday school was my addiction. Skits were my thing. Drumming the old fashioned African drum (the one for the Akorinos) was my favorite hobby. I would go to church very early in the morning so that I can secure the newest drum and put it outside to dry. For those who can identify with me, the tighter the drum, the better the sound and drumming experience. This could only happen if the drum was put in the sun for an hour or two.
I never missed the overnight prayer meetings (Keshas’) on Fridays.
That was me during my early years.

But how could this innocent boy who is so engrossed in school work and serving God fall prey to soft porn and blue movies? This young soul knew nothing but how to drum in the Sunday school sessions. Ron Kenoly, Bill Gaither, Mary Atieno and Reuben Kagame songs were the only playlist he knew. But how did this little boy get into the dirt.

During that time there were no smart phones, no Facebook or twitter, no messaging apps like the ones we have today. The Cyber Cafés were reserved for the uptown boys and girls. There were no data bundles, data plans and unlimited surfing. There were no laid down fiber optics except in PowerPoint presentations in the lecture halls. Information was scarce, and was stored in floppy disks!

Little did I know that Adolescence was happening. Physically, Mr. Testosterone was busy making me a grown up. Couple this with the psychological developments. My being was caught up in the churning and grinding biological process that threw me off balance. Like a learner trying to navigate and drive through a busy and chaotic city with no traffic rules, so was me trying to ‘handle the situation’. I thought I knew it all. Little did I know that there was much to learn.

My curiosity led me farther away from the truth. It took me deeper than I had intended to go. The drift was slowly deviating me from the prescribed trajectory. I was on a different course. Blindly lost in the miasma of obscenity.

Bad company, bad choices and lack of resolve got me there.

I would sneak out of the school on Friday nights with a few colleagues just to go and watch blue movies at a makeshift movie theatre full of dirt, puke, smoking men and darkness. Later we would sneak in again past midnight and slide into the dorms stealthily, wake up in the morning like nothing happened and carry on with the day. God forgive me the sins of high school days. Remember not the sins of my youth.

These immoral scenes would play in my mind like a dynamic wallpaper in a mobile phone. My mind was ruined. I no longer saw sisters in Christ the same way. My mind was distorted and clogged up with filthy thoughts. I saw the world through the lenses of sex. My Christian walk became a struggle. Praying was no longer an intrinsic initiative. Church became just but a gathering. I pushed the God away. My mind wasn’t settled. I developed a new clique of friends that we shared the same interests…. and blindly we followed each other.

We would radicalize each other with this newly found excitement. After all, we were ‘mature to make our own choices’. But we were WRONG!

Little did we know we were destroying ourselves with our own hands. Adolescence is a definitive stage in a man’s life. It is the time that discipline and good manners are put to test.
The morality of a man takes the first road test during this period. Good or bad behaviors sprout during this phase. The sense and urge for independence can either break or make you. Rebellion and a know it all attitude got me into a ditch that only God could get me out.

It took the Hand of God, pulling me out of the miry clay, delivering me from the claws of pornography, into His liberal presence.
It wasn’t a walk in the park. Hard decisions had to be made. I had to cut off some friendships. I had to declare my stand. I had to be the last man standing!
Truly, those who call upon His name shall be saved.

The series continues….

#MarriageWorks

#GodSpeed

 

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John Munene

Born of God. Husband to the one and only Mary Munene. Father to a beautiful soul.

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