Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church for we are members of his body.
The Lord has called us to WORK HARD in pursuit of purity in all spheres of our lives. Philippians 2:12 says that we should work out our salvation with fear and trembling. It is as serious and as gracious as that.
Now, being a virgin doesn’t necessarily mean that you could be pursuing purity. You could be a virgin, not slept with any man, but are deeply rooted in masturbation, lesbianism or hard core pornography. Either of those ways could serve as a way to relieve oneself of the sexual desire that God intentionally placed in us for our good.
As earlier reiterated, SEX is good, sexual desire is perfect. It comes from the Father of all lights. God, gives us the best gifts, the perfect gifts and He did not withhold SEX from us. He knows it’s perfect. Pleasure is His design, not the enemy’s. He only asks us to do it in the right place (season), with the right person(spouse), at the right time (after having pursued HIM) for our own good.
He knows how SEX can be used to bring us exuberance and joy in the right SEASON and can cause us guilt and shame when mishandled and taken as a right, a demand, a desire to simply satisfy and wait for another turn. SEX is not cheap. It costed Christ His death, we can only marvel at what He did on the cross to redeem us from the guilt of shame SEX brings – when not done right.
SEX is like the fire in the fireplace that gives two love birds warmth in their little love nest, cuddling as they whisper “sweet everything” to each other and SEX is like the uncontrolled blazing fire that ravages through the dense forest, destroying everything it touches or comes across.
As a lady in pursuit of a godly marriage, one of the biggest points that should spell in bold letters, is asking the Lord to help you choose a man who protects your purity. He shouldn’t just be aware of your standards or values, but he should be a man who pursues purity with you, in that way, he protects it.
It is both for your good and his good.
Well does that mean that a lady should dress indecently, talk the way she wants because it’s a man’s prerogative to guard her? No!
The bible says that our bodies are the temple of the Holy spirit. The Lord has given us all divine enablement to live a godly life – in godliness. Its therefore in your purview to flee sexual temptations. What Paul is teaching is that a man has a task of leading the purification walk in any relationship. He should work hard towards ensuring that the relationship he has, honors the Lord, both in word and in deed. That the relationship should point to Christ, not to himself – not his desires – not his satisfaction. He should find the joy of the relationship is making you joyous. How? By pursuing you in depth.
A man therefore should protect your purity at all cost because it will benefit you both in the end.
1. First, it brings honor to God.
God loves it when a man and woman pursue chastity. He is holy and calls us all to be as Him. It brings Him glory. It showcases the purity of the Lord in this brothel called the world. It causes Him to be exalted when a man and a woman walk right in His will. He is a pure God and desires us to lay on our marriage beds in purity. When His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses, He is praised.
The devil hates SEX and therefore he perverts it or misuses it. The words of Genesis 3:15 echo so much in his head, so he works hard to destroy what ultimately will make him crushed – the offspring – who will be born through consummation of a covenantal marriage.
The devil hates the honor the Lords get. He would do it all to make us move in ways that are less redolent to our makers design for SEX.
2. Secondly, he needs to protect your purity to know you or should I say to “yada” you.
The Bible’s teaching on God’s design for man and woman is consistent and coherent. Men have a higher sexual drive than ladies. It’s given to most men. Higher levels of testosterone in men make them desire SEX more than anything else. For the women, higher levels of Estrogen, make them more emotional. They are emotional beings. Everything is wired to everything. Emotions are part of them. I like to always say women are the emotional side of God, men form the logical side of God. Both are balanced. If God wired us to, He knew that none of us would do it alone. He gave us the gift of SEX to teach us how to sacrificially give.
The Bible says in 1ST Corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. This was Paul answering the questions and admonishing the church in Corinth in regards to SEX. SEX is gift from the Lord to be enjoyed by both spouse. SEX is a sacrificial giving, not getting. It makes you a servant lover, not a master lover.
God never created SEX having only the man in mind. Making such an assumption would be so shallow in grasping the intensity of this wondrous creation. He is such a genius. So what happens if you sleep with your boyfriend, because he’s pressuring you to? What happens when you are so afraid of losing your relationship and the only way to keep it is to have SEX?
The Old Testament uses the word yada for SEX. It means to know, to be known, to be deeply respected, to know intimately, to understand, to experience. God’s very definition of SEX transcends the physical act and emphasizes the emotional knowing and exchange of respect that is the essence of His intended design. In fact, the Hebrew translates Genesis 4:1 as Adam yada Eve. Abraham yada Sarah.
It was not just SEX but an intimate encounter with each other that transcended above the physical desire for each other, and consequently, the satisfaction. SEX was an expression of what they shared intimately and deeply
Wouldn’t you want to know your spouse to be and to be known too?
Wouldn’t you want him to care for you so deeply that even if one of you is rendered incapable of having SEX- through different circumstances, say illness, disability, post pregnancy recovery, he will still hold onto your intimate relationship?
Wouldn’t you want to be cherished beyond what the world shouts as “great SEX”.
Wouldn’t you want him to know your heart, not just your body?
Wouldn’t you want to transform moments into memories?
Wouldn’t you want him to listen and see you? When will he see you? When will he know you?
He needs to protect your purity – so as to know you – and it for your own good. You need conversations to build intimacy. You need interaction(s) that are not overtly sexual. You need to date and court outside the confines of his house.
He needs to love you as Christ loved the church. Not as his father loved his mother, or as he loves his mother, or as the world wants us to see. No. As Christ. He cannot know you if all you keep doing is present a naked body to him. He cannot know you if you all you do is fall for the theatrics of “if you love me, show me.”
Love loses its language, its verbalization, its meaning, when it’s all about SEX.
SEX is meant to teach us to GIVE not to GET.