DAY 11: FORGIVE HIM
D.I.Y: Make an appointment with him over lunch, take him out, tell him, “I forgive you Hunnie. I have carried you in my heart for so long, today, I chose to forgive you.” If not over lunch, make him a sumptuous dinner, put the kids to rest, then tell him the same – “I forgive you Hunnie. I have carried you in my heart for so long, today, I chose to forgive you.”
Go point: Be gentle with your words, check your tone and voice variations too.
We have a special grace that God has given us as women. We can put up with so much for a very long time – but in that we risk holding grudges and bitterness more so against our husbands.
Love puts you at a precarious place, and hurt is inevitable. Our husbands can hurt our emotions so bad and forgiving them is always never an option on our list. We put up emotional walls, we sink into our work more, we give all the attention to our children, probably our businesses or ministry – and yes, it serves as a distraction – only for the pain to come back.
It’s more like taking a pill for your persistent headache instead of addressing the root cause of it.
Forgiveness is hard, and it’s your choice. When your husband hurts you, you can either choose to keep yourself locked in the bitterness, or break free from those bondages, but forgiving him. I was once there, holding onto every offence with my dear life as if its punishing my husband. The more I held on tight, the more I bleed onto people who didn’t even cause me any pain.
Bitterness is birthed if you choose to hold onto transgressions and mistakes done against you. Yes, he might have cheated on you, flirted with countless of women, he is never home, always absent, dumped you for the strange woman, doesn’t take care of your children – I get, it is painful and unbearable.
But holding and brooding over those offenses will not mend your heart either. It will not punish him – in fact, the wedge will be deeper and wider than ever before. It doesn’t mean that you will finally trust him, or he gets a through pass to your heart like before, it means that you relinquish the control to Christ to deal with his unbecoming behaviors and to mend your broken heart too.
Forgiveness allows your heart to say “I am hurt, but I am not held back.”
Do you realize that you have a lot of imperfect areas too?
Don’t start another week without choosing to walk in forgiveness. Make a step of faith towards decluttering your heart off anything that could aid as a catalyst in brooding bitterness.
Did he forget something important? – Forgive him.
Did he hurt your feelings by either being so harsh or aloof against you? – Forgive him.
Did he neglect you, disrespect you before your friends, his friends, your family, his family, or even your help – Forgive him.
Did he start a project without letting you know? – Forgive him.
Did he bring in his family without consulting you? – Forgive him?
Did he abuse you physically or emotionally? – Forgive him?
Did he take a huge loan, used it, and now you are bearing the brunt? – Forgive him?
Did he dishonor your marital bed, cheated either physically or emotionally with your friends? – Forgive him.
It doesn’t matter how big or small an offence he did, forgive him. It might not bring back everything, it might not restore the love nor the trust, it might never restore back your marriage, but it will restore back your heart, and your glow.
You will never be that girl who walks around shamefaced or feeling dejected, because the aroma or Christ will have saturated you again. You will not see yourself as wanting, but as daughter of King who has an equal heart to her father – a heart of forgiveness.
You will allow Christ to take lead, living without the expectation of perfection from anyone. It is not pessimistic, but gives us the freedom to love people through their growth process.
We must forgive our husbands today, so that the scars in our lives become symbols and beauty marks of God’s redeeming love.
A heart that forgives is a liberated heart, and a liberated heart, is a grateful heart.
VERSE OF THE DAY: James 2:13 Mercy triumphs over judgment.
I know you forgive me every day for my sins of omission and sins of commission. I didn’t deserve your mercy, yet while I was still a sinner, you became a curse, took all my sins and paid my ransom on the cross for me.
Lord, it’s hard to forgive. It is hard to forgive my husband. All I want and my heart cries for is revenge and retribution. All I feel sometimes is extreme anger and bitterness over the hurt he has ever put me through. Lord I need a heart like yours. A heart to forgive him, not because he deserves it, but because it will put me, and us on the road towards healing and mending our broken paths.
I forgive him Lord for all he has done. All that has ached my heart and he seems aloof about it, I forgive him. Give me the courage to walk in forgiveness. Give me the courage to face him Lord and tell him that I have forgiven him.
Lord, I don’t know where all these will lead to, but I trust in you now. I am tired on holding all these offences. I need your yoke Lord Jesus. Restore the joy of salvation unto me, and renew a right spirit in me. I give you my marriage, I surrender my husband unto you. Mold him as you mend my broken heart.
In Jesus name I pray.