DAY 21: TURN AND BEND WITH HIM
D.I.Y: Write down a list of things that you have not encouraged your husband through. One by one repent to Christ and take the evening to ask your husband for forgiveness for not “encouraging him” in the right way. Assure him of your support.
Go point: Be sincere. Check your tone too. Remember it’s not an argument.
I remember our first year of marriage like yesterday, since the Lord, seeing our selfish and calloused hearts, used that year to pummel us and shape us into what He desires us to be for the journey ahead. It was not an easy year for us, quitting seemed easier than doing the work of building. We had numerous turns and twists and one of the many, was a serious financial crisis we got into. I will make the story short.
I say we, because the Lord taught me about bending and turning when my husband faces a bend in his life. His yoke is mine.
I remember being so bitter against my husband for not listening to me regarding a particular project that costed us an arm and a leg.
Probably I was right (I suppose I was) but my way of conveying my disappointments left a bitter taste to an already sour mouth. It was not easy for either of us, (more so I) admitting our liabilities and choices that lead us to our stone faced crisis. We were between a hard place and a rock.
Then on one particular rant day against my husband, I locked myself in the bathroom, cried my eyes out until I clearly the Lord tell me to bend and salvage the situation. I battled the burden, but the Lord kept pressing it on me. “How?” He was the one on the wrong – not me!
Like a thorn in the flesh, the pulse was real. The Lord told me I was foolish not to bend. I was wrong from the word go! “Lord how?” The voice was too persistent, saying “bend.” So I bent. I bent down. I cast down my pride and ego, and held my husband’s hand once more. It was hard. This financial crisis was ours to tackle. Not him alone, but together.
You see dear wives, what keeps us from reconciling with our husbands is not anything else but pride.
It’s what will make you wait for him to apologize rather than reach out to him. It’s what will make you “keep your stashed cash” just in case he messes you up again. It’s what makes us point at their weaknesses thinking that it will wake them up! It’s what makes us think we are perfect and they have some “growing up” to do.
It’s what will keep his failures on your scoreboard rather than forgive and move on swiftly. Pride is what makes us not bend when they get to their bends and turns.
That same pride is what creates emotional walls between us and our husbands because we are never a source of comfort to their wounded souls or egos. We dig in our heels and seat high on our pedestals, after all, they are the messed up ones, right?
Judges 13 talks about a couple who were going through a turn in their life. Am sure Manoah was going through a turn with his wife’s childlessness and infertility. Am sure it wasn’t easy for them. Am sure he was jeered by his friends, probably telling him that he wasn’t man enough.
Children were highly regarded then and childlessness was viewed as a curse. But then the Lord had better plans for them. Manoah’s wife received the Lord’s message that she will bear a son and he will be a Nazarite. Manoah, not so discerning until after his sacrifice, was so afraid of their death, on realizing that they were speaking to Christ much later. He expressed his concerns to his wife.
I know most us would go like, “Really? You didn’t see that he was looking bright? Duh! What wrong with your eyes?” or “Oh my goodness, you will make us look stupid for not understanding who that guy was! That was Jesus, you don’t get?”.
But see, The Bible calls Manoah’s wife SENSIBLE. She didn’t call her husband stupid. She didn’t think Manoah was a little brain head, or brain dead! She bent and offered her counsel on why the Lord cannot strike them then. Nowhere did she point out at his weakness of lack of discernment!
I don’t mean that you should not correct your husband. You should but be very wise. A wise woman will understand that shouting at a bend will startle her husband and they will find themselves skidding off the road!
So many marriages have veered off the marriage road because wives do not understand when they should talk, and if they should talk, how they should talk.
A change of tone would do, a little encouragement would do, a rub on his back, a warm smile, or hey! Just pause, breathe in and out, close your eyes, shut up and pray. Bend when he bends. Turn when he turns. Be his comfort when perplexed. Pray for him to navigate the turn(s).
Most importantly, love him through the bends!
VERSE OF THE DAY: Proverbs 21:11 A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples on a silver tray.
This day Lord, I come to you with an open heart to learn and to receive from you the instruction for my marriage. I know my husband faces a lot of challenges in his life. I know he does best to keep us knit together but Lord sometimes I feel he makes obvious mistakes.
Lord, that’s when my pride puffs up and I can’t wait to point out to every tiny mistake he has ever done. I know Lord you eschew score keeping yet Lord, it’s what I do best. Teach me to extend grace to him even when I feel he least deserves it.
Make me an example to him, of loving him beyond the human mistakes and errors. Make me a better wife by teaching me your precepts. Teach me to discern his bends and turns and make me an encouragement to him when he’s most downtrodden. Teach my heart Lord and break every spirit of pride in me.
In Jesus name I pray,