OTHER RED FLAGS
As I wrap up on this series, -RED FLAGS BEFORE MARRIAGE -, I hope, with all my heart, that the HolySpirit has convicted you in ways that my writing cannot. You see, I can only pen down what the Lord impresses on me to, but, the greatest input is from the Holy Spirit. Only He can convict you and me, in unfathomable and incomprehensible ways.
We all begin from somewhere. The season of singleness. No matter how unwanted it feels, its just a sacred season as the season of marriage and due diligence is needed while navigating through it.
Red flags are not means that serve to curtail you off your most impressionable day of your life, your wedding day, nor is it a means of delay.
They only serve as reminders, often great and warranted reminders that the mission ahead is critical and a critical mission cannot be ventured into without having all the necessary tools.
Do not be that desperate to get marriage – no matter how advance you feel, age wise – that you ignore what the Lord places before you. Signs that warn you of an impending danger. Signs that warn you of your speedy drive down marital misery. Signs that caution you to progress on slowly. Prudence is no fool, he who hurries his footsteps errs – Proverbs 19:2.
It’s alright to be good, but good doesn’t cut for marriage, character does, and character is only seen and tested with time.
Yes, there are those that have met and within a year have settled down and have a healthy marriage. Believe me, those are just but a few exceptions, not the rule(s).
Red flags are not to be ignored, they need to be addressed cold turkey, without tagging along so much with it, but with assertiveness and clarity of mind that only the Lord can give. Be very wary of the flags that the Lord presents.
Take a hard look at your prospective spouse, do they possess qualities that bring out the best in you? Take a hard look at your relationship, is it swiftly walking you down the path of destruction or is it serving as a tool that sharpens you in all manner of wisdom, challenges you positively in your Christian walk, preserves your purity and strengthens your faith?
If something feels amiss, do not hesitate to ask, do not be afraid to ask. If your relationship starts out on the premise of fear, then your communication will never be healthy. It is a red flag. Do you have to do what they say should be done? Are they controlling? If they are, then that’s another red flag to be wary of.
Are they so laid back that they cannot follow through even with their own schedules? That is something to talk about and discuss.
Do they often make you choose between your faith and them? That’s another stone to turn.
Who do they spend time with? What caliber of friends do they hang out with? How opinionated are his/her friends towards your relationship? Do they take their opinions so seriously that they would affect their decisions? What do they constantly feed their minds with? Fantasy books? Fantasy programs? Porn maybe? Those are potential red flags.
I am not encouraging you to make every single thing an issue, but I am encouraging you on seeking clarity that they do not brood out to be issues.
Seek clarity. You cannot afford to ask yourself 2 years down the line, “why didn’t I ask this before.” Do not be baited with half-truths. Seek to get as much knowledge on this person as you can. It will help you build your foundation.
Do they seem overtly uninhibited around people of the opposite sex? Very touchy, chatting with every lady or guy, too open perhaps? That is a red flag. Probably they do not understand that boundaries are very important in a relationship.
You cannot open up to everyone. You cannot out pour on everyone. That is very unhealthy and unwise.
If you are a youth leader – Mr. or you Miss, this should come as word of caution to you.
If you are a man, ask your Pastor, in all humility, to appoint a lady, who is tested an approved, to help you sort out ladies’ issues. If they escalate, they can involve the wife of the Pastor, she would be in the best position to help sort out impasses.
If you are a lady, ask your Pastor to appoint someone, a fellow man, to help sort out the men.
I find it absurd, and very disturbing, that a single lady gets ‘mentored’ by a single man whom they highly term as “very spiritual and a great listener”. Please don’t get confused.
What does a single man have in common with a single lady? Simple, sexual attraction. It’s no wonder that Pastors and youth leaders –mostly men, still fall into sexual sins even in church.
There is no way that familiarity won’t escalate to one awkward moment where either of the persons seem to feel deeper feelings than “what was initially expected.” Get wisdom! MEN, GET MENTORED BY MEN! LADIES, GET MENTORED BY LADIES – preferably, people who have gone before you and are in a different season than you are.
This will help you a lot in identifying potential loopholes that you could have once ignored as you were busy being mollycoddled up by your youth leader – “he understands” you say – right?
Again, this doesn’t mean that you cannot get help from your youth leaders who are of the opposite sex, but you shouldn’t be ignorant of the devil’s schemes – 2nd Corinthians 2:11. That’s what the bible says.
Wisdom dictates, and God was so gracious in telling us that, as a man, you should seek out fellow godly men to walk with, to rebuke you, to build you, to correct you, to hedge your ego in the direction of Christ, that you grow to be a man who is worthy to be submitted to. –Ephesians 5:22-33
Ladies – seek out fellow godly women to walk with, to build you, to tell you the painful truth of your character, to sharpen your discernment, to teach you the right manner of submission, to train you to be wives of honor – that the word of the Lord will not be maligned.-Titus 2:3-5
Do not be ignorant of the red flags.
Singleness in Christ…