Let me begin by reiterating again that submission is a responsibility given to a wife by God though marriage– not a girlfriend or a fiancé. Subliminal or overt, submission has its place and it’s in marriage not a relationship, not even the engaged to be married.
There is a reason why submission ought to be in marriage. First, it’s because you as a wife, will bear the responsibility, on your part of how “helpful” you were to your spouse in fulfilling his God given mission. Secondly, submission in as much it’s a responsibility, it’s a hard responsibility. One that causes you to put yourself aside and cleave to another. Submission is a tool of sanctification in marriage.
Last but not the least, submission showcases the marriage that Christ wants all of us to experience. A marriage that mirrors Him and his bride the church. Therefore, a marriage without submission is not a marriage. it’s more of a treaty. A treaty once breached can be retracted, but a covenant of marriage cannot be broken. Its binding. In good times and in bad times. In sickness and in wholeness.
For clarity purposes, husbands too are called to submit to Christ and to their wives. In essence, submission is to both the husband and the wife, but the wife bears the primary responsibility of submission as a husband to headship.
Our marriage consists of a union between a dominant choleric with sanguine tendencies married to a dominant choleric who has more sanguine tendencies. Can you imagine that? And you guessed is right, I am the choleric with the sanguine bits, my husband is the ‘extra’. He is the type that will bring life into a dull room. Despondency isn’t his thing even when the situation seems out of control.
He is too optimistic; the glass is always half full when it comes to him. That aside, when his choleric bits awaken, trust me, the house is almost always burning down (we have learnt to control the fire though). Why? Because I am a choleric and would want my way to be THE WAY. That is was our story in the first year of marriage.
You see, marriage grants my husband the button of being the leader. He answers directly to GOD for the health of our marriage – in all areas. Remember the story of Adam and Eve? Wasn’t it Eve who took the fruit; deceived by the cunning serpent, she ate the forbidden fruit? Yet, when the Lord came walking in the cool of day, He called out, “Adam! Adam.”
He was communicating something that shouldn’t escape our minds. That the primary responsibility of leadership in a home lies squarely on a man’s shoulder. A husband in Ephesians 5 is commanded to love his wife and it’s not dependent on his emotions. A wife is called to submit to her husband and it’s not dependent on her emotions or the circumstances around.
We(wives) are to respect our husbands out of obedience to Christ not because they have earned it.
God’s Word, His ordinances, precepts, and commands sits in judgment, over the culture’s whispers, screams, aggravation or whatever we have coined for ourselves.
The reason why submission is hated so much by women is because it’s been perverted. Submission is not a bad thing. It is such a good thing – but it needs us to know our place! As women. Feminist movement(s) do not call women to submission. Honestly, they do not mirror Christ’s word, they mirror the world’s. They insist that marriage should be egalitarian and no one should assume any leadership role.
I would like to call it a homo-functional marriage.
Let me explain;
Whereas homosexual “marriage” puts two of the same sex together, and God detests it, a “homo-functional marriage” consists of two different sexes that function identically.
They both lead and follow.
They both must shoulder the same amount of burden, both must offer the same amount of sacrifice, and both be equally responsible for the other before God.
They learn each other’s lines and swap each other’s pants. Call it enlightened, liberated, progressive, egalitarian — whatever does the job.
This is the corner that the devil has put us ladies and gentlemen. A corner my husband and I were both at. Stuck, suffocated, tired, depressed, spread out thin, drained – yet we professed our love for each other before the masses.
Something was wrong. God doesn’t join two people who have walked with him into a marriage then he condemns their union to die. Marriage isn’t at all wrong. It is a perfect union, but as long as the imperfect souls refuse to yield and pursue each other with a sacrificial love, then it will die.
A homo-functional marriage is what will ensue –and the world will clap its hands for you and give you a standing ovation for being “strong” and “not being ‘sat’ on by a man.”
Submission my sisters. The choleric me had to learn. Egalitarianism never works a marriage out. It will earn you a heroine’s badge to the world, but when alone, the echo of loneliness and failure will always call you out – that same state broods bitterness and resentment towards thriving marriages. Your marriage might end up in a divorce or barely survive, living but on life support.
Submission series continues…