It took me some time to stop blaming everything and everyone for my misfortunes, bad behavior and failures. Yes, there was a time I also took the easy way out. I shifted blame! Blame was like hot coal. I couldn’t handle its heat and had to pass it on to the next available person or situation. This gave me a relief. It gave me pseudo peace which was just temporal.
The ripple effect of my actions was a stagnated life, irresponsible living and a weak resolve. Nothing in my life seemed to work the way I had envisioned but little did I know I was the sole architect of what I had become.
The blame game has been in existence since the Beginning. Adam, when asked why he ate the Forbidden Fruit, he answered God; “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree and I ate”!
He couldn’t accept the responsibility, even though he was there all this time. He not only blamed Eve, but also blamed God for giving him the woman.
According to him, he was as clean as a whistle. The woman was the one on the wrong, or so he thought.
What had happened to the ‘Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’? All of a sudden, she became the one to bear the blame of sin.
Trying to exonerate herself from the blame, Eve blamed the Serpent.
The responsibility that had been stacked on her by Adam was too much to bear. She didn’t have an option but to offload!
Adam knew very well that he was the custodian of God’s instructions pertaining the Garden of Eden and all the creation.
But at that moment of vulnerability, he had put his guards down and the worst happened.
We all know the consequences that followed after this act.
Many are the times we men put the blame on situations and circumstances.
We seldom own up our mistakes.
I have seen men who blame their absent fathers for their uncouth behaviors. They fail to understand that their fathers were/are men, just like them.
Just because your dad didn’t treat your momma well, doesn’t give you a leeway to mistreat your wife.
Just because you’ve never seen a responsible father in your lifetime, doesn’t mean you can’t be one. You can be a faithful husband and a responsible father only if you purpose.
Joseph’s father was a trickster, but that did not prevent him from being one of the greatest men to have tamed his masculinity and use it for the good. He showed humility at the face of pride. He forgave when he had every reason to revenge.
Jonathan is another good example too. He didn’t have a father to look up to. But he was different.
You can choose to be that which God has purposed you to be regardless of the situations.
Before you shift blame, take a step back and identify the role you played in the situation.
Some things can’t be changed, especially the past, but we can change the way we see the future. That’s all we got.
You can choose to forgive those who did you wrong in your childhood and resolve to be a better person for you and your family.
Some of us blame nature for having ungodly sexual orientation. It’s a devil’s lie. God didn’t create us that way. Be delivered and seek God.
God does not tempt us. We are tempted and enticed by our own desires, passions and thirsts. Those desires, birth sin and sin eventually brings forth death. Death can be spiritual or physical.
Many marriages are physically, legally alive but died along time ago due to the man yielding to temptations. Why should we be agents of death in our marriages when we can be the life givers?
You don’t have to blame your parents for poor upbringing. Whatever they did, it’s way in the past. Bless them, forgive them and make peace with them.
A man will say that it’s his wife who pushed him to elicit relationships and having ‘sidechicks.’ Its a lame excuse bruh. Be responsible about it.
Stop blaming it on the alcohol or drugs. You can do better than that.
Marriage is work. Work makes you wake up in the morning when you want to snooze till midday. Work makes us swim against the tide.
To work our marriages, we need to take the road that is less treaded by many men. We can take the easy way out, and lose our ourselves in the miasma of vanity.
Shifting blame is an act of self-justification.
Only a self-centered man will walk in this lane.
Blaming our failures on others won’t solve anything.
A man who takes responsibility for his actions is the first to bridge the gap in the marriage. He is the first to forgive and reconcile. He takes the initiative of reconciling the family. He makes peace with God, himself, the past and the present.
Such a man can face the future with sobriety.
Accepting responsibility for your actions and making amends will not only get you back on track, but will also help build lasting structures that your marriage and family can rely on, looking unto Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.