A NOTE TO MY FELLOW WIVES ON RADICAL FEMINISM.
“I cannot submit to a man, not ever! You are making women weak! Women need to be strong.”
My heart moved to my throat when I read that comment…
Underline those words. How did we allow ourselves as women, to get here?
As I pondered on those words, very reluctant to comment back, I couldn’t help but see a very bitter woman, cynical to some degree of her own uniqueness, trying to find her freedom in world so awash with feminists. I couldn’t help but pray for her and all other women who are struggling to find their footing. She represents many of us whose hearts are tugged between our delicate transformative selves and what the world tries to chisel out of us.
This was not an opinion of one, but of many women out there who have desecrated their femininity, or have no idea of how powerful a woman’s influence is, when her heart is hidden in the truest of all things, Christ.
Let’s be the light here – Matthew 5:14. The Bible calls us to adorn ourselves with a seductive sweetness of a gentle spirit that feminist do not conform to. That is what God calls us to put away, a system that leaves GOD OUT.
Am not talking about this from a point of being anachronistic.
My parents raised me as a strong independent girl. By independent, I mean, I was raised as a girl who held onto her convictions with an unwavering spirit. I worked hard and went to some of the best schools. I didn’t get opportunities handed to me on a silver platter. I had to work extra hard in places that were largely male domineered.
I know most of us as women, identify with my story. However, that shouldn’t be a basis for us as to hate on the men simply because one or more, have a myopic view about who women are.
Opportunities given or denied shouldn’t affect what God has engraved in our DNA. Opportunities given or denied, shouldn’t kill our uniqueness.
Opportunities given or denied, shouldn’t make us feel any less than who God calls us. Opportunities given or denied shouldn’t make us fight to prove our worth.
So what happens to most of us along the road? What happens to us that ‘strong’, suddenly gets a derivative of a cynical aggressiveness towards our male counter parts? What happens to us that we get sucked in the cyclone of radical feminism and women emancipation?
See, culture indoctrinates us to feel that we need to fight for everything. While its sadly true, that some opportunities never come as easy for us, we shouldn’t be too quick to remove the speck from our brother’s eyes and fail to see the log that clouds us. The rain is hitting us hard ladies. The rain of the feminist movement.
Their crusades appeal to us so much more than what God asks of us. And why not? Life is hard, right? We are oppressed as women, right? But don’t we also love freedom? We love everything that makes us comfortable. We hate everything that tries to purify us and that is the hard truth.
Sadly, the wheels behind the colorful masks of the feminist movement, are hurting hearts. Hearts that are bleeding on people who didn’t cut them.
Their hearts seek to be free, but don’t know how. They think that to make a difference in the world you ought to be like a man, think like a man, fight like a man, be aggressive as the man, remove the male factor but and do all like a man.
Is it even possible to do all like a man when God has wired us so differently? Is it possible to fully eliminate submission while those organizations have hierarchies that still function within the boundaries of “submitting to a set of rules?”
Equality towers high on their agenda. But as we hail them for pioneering the female liberation movement, let us not forget that equality is not an innovation by disgruntled females. Equality is watermarked God.
God made every female an equal to the male. Galatians 3:38. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For we are all one in Christ Jesus. But then our sworn enemy, the devil so cunning, got a loophole to distort God’s original copy. He desired and still desires submission and would get it through whichever corrupt means.
“Are you really not going to give your husband a piece of your mind?”
“Doesn’t he understand that you bring in the largest clout in this home?”
“Will he really have the final say in how the finances will be allocated?”
Hence the birth of feminist movement, “to free us from the shackles of submission.”
What adds salt to injury, is that some Christian women do not see or are oblivious to the truth that radical feminist movement is dangerous for us, a living threat to marriages.
God’s doesn’t intend for us to fight against the male. He did not create us to eliminate the male factor in the world. Their touch is equally important.
A woman that claims “sameness” to a man in all spheres, is without understanding. We sell our souls to the devil if we claim that marriage is entirely egalitarian – because ‘what a man can do, a woman can do too.’
We all know that an acting director isn’t a director.
Men are different from women. They have different strengths, different capabilities, and are suited better at some tasks. We both get emotional, but express it differently, we get scared in different ways, and process the turns of life very differently.
This differences should not be deemed as ‘inequality’ because our differences should complement us and not separate us.
Equality can be achieved without sameness.
We too are to blame for the mutiny of the sacredness of a marriage. We fight against each others shade of bloom. Look at how we cheer women who achieve so much in their careers but never do the same to a woman who decides to sacrifice her career for her family.
We term her as “weak” –just because she cannot get her career going and term the other woman “strong” because she is the C.E.O of a company that is domineered by men. How horridly patronizing! A woman who opts to groom her children herself without being distracted by the deadlines of her employees, is equally successful as one who wakes up at 5am to go to work. But do we see that?
Men on the other hand have stopped taking up their God given responsibility. Those who do, lead not with gentleness, but with an assertiveness that shroud the woman with fear. The feminist movement becomes her only hope to reclaim her lost glory.
That’s is the kind of malady that has plagued us. Any woman with a genuine desire for marriage is labeled as subservient. A woman who desires a marriage not – not because she has a gift of celibacy – [but because she is angry or fearful], is termed as ‘strong’.
Is that what God had in mind when he made us as women?
In order to learn what it means to be a woman, we must start with the One who made us as women. I am not ashamed to say that feminist movements threaten our true femininity, and consequently our place of submission in marriage as God intended it to be.
Our uniqueness is not only of essence, but is essential. As women who know Christ, we have to work so hard to reclaim our God given space. We need to be comfortable with the garment that the Lord puts on us when He intricately formed and placed us in our mother wombs.
Our success in life, should not be measured by how much we have achieved compared to each other, nor how well we “beat” our male counterparts, but in how faithful we are with what God has gifted us today.
So, if God gifts you a marriage, he intends for you to embrace your femininity, not by what is the popular opinion, but by what God calls you to be in that marriage. A wife who is adorned by a calm and gentle spirit. A spirit that trusts in God the absolute authority in her marriage to lead her husband even if she has differing opinions.
If you in a season of singleness, God calls you to embrace your femininity, not by debasing the married women, calling out on men, or living out loud in aggravation, but by living in such a manner that your adornment will ooze the fragrance of Christ to attract people to HIM.
Our uniqueness should be transformative, both in the season of singleness of in the season of marriage. We are called to nurture, and nurturing goes beyond “how we feel.”
We must teach, through our living, and at every any given opportunity, the beauty and the basics of biblical womanhood. It is not the kind of femininity that rants out at a husband, abusive, angry, cynical or overt at demanding, but, it has all its beauty in recognizing its strength in God’s positioned place.
It doesn’t demean women who take on different paths, but lays the responsibility of nurturing, affirming, and graciously teaching at every given space. Let’s all know that a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.
Does that mean that women should not work? And be contented as house-wives? I do not mean that. It is such a noble thing to raise children who get the first hand teachings of Christ from you. That depends on your agreement with husband. Time, culture, and circumstances change, but the Bible provides an enduring model for a femininity that goes far beyond a stereotyped, cookie-cutter list of behaviors.
The Word of God stands in true judgement over our little conventional or non-conventional notes.
A man models Christ and the church models His gracious bride.
When we forsake our feminine glory, and seek to exchange it for a spirit not tempered by the HolySpirit, the finiteness of what we can see, we miss the whole point of God making us and placing as females in this world.
We become bitter as we seek to become like men, we become cynical as we try to usurp our husband’s God given authority in a marriage, we deem ourselves as irreverent as we fight against our own demons, running away from our own shadows, yet, the glory is set right there before us.
Proverbs 12:4 calls us as wives, our husband’s crown. We not only decorate but give meaning to our husband’s kingship. A king is not one without a crown. Our beings were designed to transform.
There is freedom in knowing that our God has His purposes in making us as women. Freedom doesn’t mean that everything should bend at our beck and call. A wise woman knows that she doesn’t need to warp spiritual realities to fit her needs and desires.
Freedom in my marriage doesn’t mean that I should do what I feel like. Feelings are fickle, commitment needs to be my fuel. There are boundaries and these boundaries seek to protect, not to stifle me. Within those boundaries, am freed to grow and blossom to be who God intended me to me in my marriage and impact, without the weeds of the world.
That said, sometimes freedom comes from outward changes in circumstances. Sometimes it comes from inward changes of the heart and mind. In marriage, freedom comes from a change of heart. You cannot do marriage, God’s way, if you don’t understand that your place is as strong as your husband’s headship, but are to submit to his leadership.
You want to impact? Then shock the world and be what you were made to be: a fearless, unshakable, unflappable, God-fearing woman. Do not abandon the very differences that make you essential.
We don’t build a marriage on human ideologies, we build a marriage on God’s word. It’s the only tested true anchor. True freedom is in God. Greatness is shown in servant-hood.
Submission as wives in Christ…