LINE 1: “Hunnie, how would you want me to handle the issue next time?”
We sat down in the car quiet. Dead quiet. Pin drop silent.
Each of us deep in thoughts over the other person’s words.
“How could she talk to me like that?” I could almost hear my husband’s thoughts pound in his head as his breathe stilled down.
“He ought to apologize first, I will not.” My ego puffed as I recited those words to myself again and again.
Yet in that quiet moment, I could feel an unsettling nudge deep within me, calling me towards peace, towards reconciliation, towards winning by letting my right go. However hard, however hurt, however dented, however atypical it was against my flesh – I knew the Holy spirit was directing me, radically counter to my feelings then.
I wrestled with it. “No, he is the one to apologize, how did he expect me to handle it?” “I handled it to my level best, why can’t he see it?”
As if I was talking to the Lord, I felt His words rebuke me.
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
“Ask him, Hunnie, how would you want me to handle it next time.”
“What! I can’t.” i quickly answered The voice back.
“I handled the issue to my level best, he is the one who lacks understanding. God, didn’t you tell them to live in understanding with us?”
The push grew stronger. “Ask him, Hunnie, how would you want me to handle the issue next time.”
I coughed out. I managed to say the words our albeit stuttering, “Hunnie, how would you want me to handle it next time?” I swallowed hard.
That was a hard line to squeeze out of myself. It went against every inch of my being. I felt stripped down, squashed and squeezed, yet I knew, it was a holy moment, another holy instance of dying to myself. Another moment to showcase Christ, another moment to live by grace.
Being married is incredibly difficult. Being married is amazing. Being married can seem impossibly hard. Being married can seem incredibly beautiful. There is no other person who can frustrate me the way my husband can. There is no other person who can make me feel as loved as my husband can.
One minute we may paint our marriage as blissful as a kite catching wind and rising to the sky. And the next minute it was as if the string had gotten caught in a thorny bush and sent the kite crashing to the ground with thuds of disappointment.
So which is it? Bliss or disappointment?
It’s a fragile blend of both.
Happy moments are there, and hard ones are inevitable too. Some might last a while, others just but a moment. All in all, how we react to such moments, will determine our next steps.
Hard seasons come to mold.
Our words, can build or destroy. Wives, we are called to be builders in our marriage – Proverbs 14:1. We have the grace to do it even when its darkest. I am not oblivious to husbands who torment their wives, but marriage, by God’s design was a place of permanence. You do not just quit your marriage simply because you are both stubborn and aren’t willing to be pummeled.
You do not look at your husband and became oblivious to your own sins. We also need grace. Ask for grace to die to yourself every day. I know I do.
If you are in rut, a hard rut, it’s a strength to let go of the right to be right. Ask your husband, “Hunnie, how would you want me to handle the issue next time.”
You will be amazed that your way is the right way; and your husband knows it deep down – but rightness is only validated in the context of reconciliation. Take the hard step.
The more i think about this, the more i realize its death to self before service to another. So we have to die first!