I sat down to write a few words for a wonderful lady who was ready to walk down the aisle.
At first, I was excited to express how much happiness marriage will bring her. I was ecstatic at their love, joyous to celebrate their union. I was halfway, when a certain trail of thought skidded through my mind. I realized that my penned thoughts were greatly skewed towards one side -the better, the good, the highs, the joyous moments, the merrier side.
What if the curve begins on the lower side? What if life throws bends and turns at them as soon as I DO? What if it doesn’t begin with “for better”, instead, it takes on the “worst?” How will they survive the turbulence?
I cramped the paper down, and began to write again.
This time, I was attuned to the spiritual realities of marriage, with the words like, you will need to learn to say “I am so sorry, please forgive me?” even when you are justified in your convictions.
Let’s pull our masks down ladies. Don’t we feel more entitled sometimes? Don’t we feel like we need to be heard more by our husbands? Does telling your husband “am sorry” come naturally? I doubt.
It doesn’t come easy for me too. Even after these years of knowing my husband, going through rough patches and tides with him, “I am sorry” does not still come naturally.
Its human. We are frail, we fail, and our nature goes against the true will of Christ. The bible says in Ecclesiastes 9:3, that our hearts are skewed towards evil and it’s full of madness. Its sadly true.
Revenge, recompense, shutting out is easier than working out though the thicket of marriage. But what does it benefit us anyway?
Do we gain anything by escalating an issue in marriage?
Do you make anything easier if you go shhhhh on your husband?
Do you make desire you more by denying him intimacy because “he has to pay for his wrongs?”
The contrary is however true, became cynical and bitter, as we wait on for our husbands to “say sorry” first. Of course, until death does you part, he will forever fail you, but if we adapt ways to make our husbands pay till they are sorry enough, then the marriage is as good as dead.
Manipulation, coercion, shutting down, silent treatment, ignoring, nagging and complaining are all red flags in a marriage.
Conflict is inevitable, but how do you handle it?
Do you wait on till the matter escalates or do you desire to build, even if the cost of building will mean forgoing a certain level of comfort now, for a bigger reward to come?
That is the attitude we ought to ask the Lord to help us adapt. Yes, your husband might have wronged you, but your reaction could as well serve as a catalyst to make or build your marriage.
We need to learn how to honor God in situations that would otherwise leave us defensive and hurting.
Will you drown with the tide or will you rise above it?
He has hurt you first, but just go ahead and say, “Hunnie, I know we have a misunderstanding, am hurting and I know you are too. I am however so sorry for escalating our situation. I need us to be well, so am asking for your forgiveness too.
I desire for us to build our marriage and not give the devil a chance to divide us. Would you forgive me?”
Getting is natural. Its human. Do not miss out on the supernatural as you are trying to search your significance from the affirmation his wrongdoings and justifying your rightness. It’s not an easy assignment but it’s the only path to genuine greatness. It’s the death to self!