There is a quote that goes around that says, “Do one thing in life that scares you the most.”
Well, as much it is sort of a thrilling mantra on one side, when the coin is flipped, we ought to be very dilatory on some major decisions in life! Like jumping into the deep sea or the deepest part of the ocean just for fun!
I like the ocean. I like watching its high and mighty tides. I like watching it in the morning coddling against my husband when we are down at the coast for a vacation. It is simply perfect. I still like watching it in the afternoon when the sunrays reflect on it. It’s all so still and quiet. Yet beneath the placid waters, are dangerous grounds.
The deeper you venture into the sea; the risker it is. It’s not a guessing game, it’s a cast on stone truth. Even the most experienced divers get lost in the sea never to be heard of again. This truth is equally true in our pursuit for marriage.
Most singles are lost, lost in the sea of singleness, with no direction, no zeal, no purpose, no goal, full of bitterness, angry at themselves, angry at the loss of time, disillusioned simply because they ventured in just for fun, or got complacent along the journey or simply without the right tools to use.
When trouble hit, they had no one to help.
This pursuit of marriage has led driven many to depression, suicide and even death.
We cannot overstate the importance of being on guard in matters of the heart. People often need to be reminded more than they are instructed since our human nature calls us to shirk away from everything that seems to “curtail” our freedom.
The bible says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 24:3
I talk about this with so much zeal because I have been on both sides of the fence.
I know how exciting it is at one moment to date someone who find you fancy enough, build a whole life with in your head, get children and imagine yourselves toothless, with low libido, eating mashed potatoes and jelly, yet full of love and deep intimacy that still drives you crazy, 80 years into marriage – then – feel as if your life is drowning in the consecutive months.
I know how drowning it is to light up your lamp and place it under the table so as not to be labeled “too spiritual.”
I know how everything can seem so inconsequential, too inconsequential after a break-up.
I know how the burden of guilt makes one walk. It’s as if your face has all your sins plastered all over, and that prowling spirit, the devil, is pesky enough to keep reminding you of your little misgivings!
“Don’t you think you are pretending?”
“Are you really a Christian if you cannot obey Christ fully?”
Albeit all that, I know how reckless abandon feels.
I know how freeing it is to live in the unbounded grace and love of Christ. To not care what your friends will say or what the world says. To be all radical for Christ.
I know how freeing it is to walk not as the world says, but as your conviction says. To walk alone in the path of purity, and finally to keep being perfected in His love.
Spiritual incompatibility, believe it or not, is one factor that leads to an imminent break-up. Whether we like it or not, Christ will not allow your heart to be led by any other god apart from him and be sure that He will wrestle down every obstacle to reclaim back your heart.
Yes, the obstacle of a god called “boyfriend or girlfriend.”
I know most of you who are reading through this, a great percent of you are dating someone who is not of your faith. Someone who doesn’t believe in Christ but she/ he is of good will and understanding.
Date if you want, but it’s very hard to come to a spiritual tune with one who has no keys to play. For your harmony to be in tandem, for you to play the same heart strings that would cause Christ to be seen, lifted and glorified in your dating and courtship, your melodies should be in symphony.
They should have the same “mythos” as you, the same beliefs, wanting to go through the same spiritual path towards Christ.
We live in a fallen world and yoking yourself up to a fallen human being is in itself a catastrophe waiting to happen save for Christ.
A lot of us want to keep God close enough but far away to let us do things our own way. That is where the issue comes in. We put Christ on the shelf like a mere decoration, just to admire it once in a while, touch it once in a while, or even pause next to it for a perfect picturesque of a life to be admired. But really, to what end? What do you gain after all is said and done?
We measure our “relationship progress” based on the number of meetings we have had, number of selfies we have taken together, or the time we have talked. Whilst all these are good indicators of a progressive relationship, they are not absolute indicators of change.
See, a relationship that is Christ based, not only progresses, progresses for the better. It teaches you to serve above your interest, Philippians 2:4 – the True North, pointing to Christ. That is, the values you get from your day to day interactions cause you to be better or retreat each day into yourself and ask, “am I also adding any value towards his/her godliness?”
Progress isn’t progress if it’s not progressing towards being better.
Christ called us to be known by our fruits – and how else would you know a fruit is good without partaking of it? Consequently, how would you know that you are progressing if you don’t have a clear yardstick of your relationship?
It may seem like a hard thing to do, but if you are to follow Christ with no grey areas, then you will have to be literally ‘light’ for this journey. Light in these two perspectives. Light to be seen for the glory of Christ in a world where you might be the only Scripture some people read, and light without any parasitic baggage. Baggage that would derail your cause and mission.
Any compromise in your faith, for a relationship invites the rodents to chew off your marital journey.
The only thing Christ asks of you is to take up His yoke and follow Him.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to be radically counter-cultural.
Trust me, not everyone is compromising.
Just because that is what is awash on social media or every TV advertisement has a tinge of sex all around it, not everyone is compromising.
Just because someone is having safe sex, an affair with a married man or woman, or there is an advertisement on the same, not everyone is compromising.
Just because there are a couple of men and woman having ambivalent feelings, or there are ‘human renegades’ to justify the same not everyone is compromising!
Just because there seems to be an unfiltered freedom and people seem to indulge in it unreservedly, not everyone is abusing the freedom and the boundaries there with; not everyone is compromising!
Just because…not everyone is!
Christ is calling you to be radically for him!
Do not compromise. Before you date someone who believes not in what you believe in, think about the future to come. Guard your heart against it, against the sore that comes with compromise