In Marriage Devotionals, Marriage Matters, Our Journey

BREAK FROM THE RIPTIDES – PART 3

THE EXPECTATIONS

One of my best cartoon animation will always be Shrek. I think it’s because it integrates a lot of our daily lessons into one thrilling movie. Family lessons, the fight for love, acceptance, growth, all that merged into one captivating funny movie.

Well, the characters there intrigue me, but there is one who intrigues me the most, Rumpelstiltskin.

Rumpelstiltskin reminds me of what we all try to keep at bay but fail to some extent. Our expectations.

He specializes on prying on Shrek’s most vulnerable moment. That one moment that his SELF screamt louder than his CONVICTIONS. He blots the wife Fiona, his beautiful children, the whole family out of the picture and puts his personal expectations before everything else.

Shrek, fails to see the beauty of his current season and wished he would revert back to the time “his self” was the reigning god. His desires took precedence over everything else that mattered.

The expectations placard.

Rumpelstiltskin, pawns off to Shrek a cheap trade off. “Sign here and there and you will have your life back! The life that you always wanted!” “See, didn’t you like it when you were a real ogre? When people cowed down at your roar?” “Just sign her…”

And just like that, Shrek traded his season for something that was already in the fading realm.

Looking at it closely, isn’t it what the world cheaply sells to us? Selling relationships as the ultimate package for happiness, and marriage seals off the deal?

We are so transported by the desire to have relationships – and desire is good – but our expectations fail us in the end because they are loosely anchored. Anchored on what we want and need there and then, and of course what we want to project to the world! After all, who wants to be seen as “lonely?”

See, most times when two people get into a relationship, there are always certain expectations one has of the other person.

We listen to people who have dated for 1,3,6, 10 months as they go on about their “love thrill” and we will realize that the expectation placard is real.

While it’s good to have expectations since you cannot just be that plain, by all means expectations are great to have, but unrealistic expectations are so burdensome to any relationship, to any human being. We are not made with the capacity to fulfil every human need. No wonder God placed in us eternity in each and every one of us –for only God can fill the “God hole.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

I know for sure that the pain of a break-up stems from the core of everything, a riptide called expectations.

I was hit by that tide too. The riptide of expectations.

We build our whole life around this person to a point that nothing else makes sense.

We get so carried away by the relationship that we forget that in order to grow, we both have to grow, not as a dual, but as individuals too.

We define our identity by our status rather than what God says about us- His redemptive status.

We measure our growth yardstick against “what everyone else” is doing rather than invest in what is meaningful, beneficial and set to catapult us to the next level.

These expectations turn our relationships into tiny little gods.

We worship the very feet our “boyfriends and girlfriends” walk on. But what is wrong with that? After all, isn’t love supposed to be a thrilling journey full of every tinge of sweet smelling roses and lilies.

We thrive on the highs but never get enough momentum to push us to the next level.

So our lack of proper direction on where to place our expectations on weighs heavily on us, soon, we begin the ping pong game.

“I thought you would make me happy?”

“I don’t feel like I love you anymore?”

“Give me some space to think.”

“I feel suffocated in this relationship.”

The list goes on and on and on.

Young love has to simmer, quieten down the flamboyance of the dazzling flames and grow into hot coals that would suffice the marriage journey in the long haul.

It is very easy in our singleness to anchor our life on a mortal human being and expect that every brush stroke they paint on the new found canvas of love will be perfect and flawless.

But we are all infallible! They will hurt us once in a while. The little quirks that seem endearing will not anymore tickle our imagination again. They will eventually cease to be “the knight in a shiny armor or snow white” and simply be themselves.

Most of us, are never ready to push through that curve of unravelling the real self of the other person.

Perfection of a human being is untenable. We will only be perfected when the Lord calls us home, without this human body. 2nd Corinthians 5.

Wisdom dictates that you two should be ready to check against each other’s expectations card and adjust in accordingly.

Do you rush into a relationship(s) because you have turned the need of marriage into a god?

Do you feel that you will always be miserable simply because you are single?

Such questions should trigger your heart towards a re-focus.

A relationship will not serve as an anodyne to anything. A relationship doesn’t cure loneliness? Loneliness will still ache in hard eventually when you come to a realization that no one can fully fill you except for Christ.

Psalm 16:11 says, You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Our hope for a great future begins when we know who to and where to place our expectations on. The real thing is placing your expectation on none other than Christ himself.

Yes, you have a desire for a godly relationship, but it doesn’t take the place of Christ. If he delays in crossing you over to the season of marriage, you do not fret, your expectation is on him.

When he doesn’t call back or she doesn’t reply back, you don’t recoil and begin beating yourself hard over what you cannot control, you simply trust the hand that guides your steps knows the pitfalls ahead.

Sometimes he will interrupt our plans, cause us to go through an uncomfortable situation, ripple waters and cause a relationship to end immaturely. It’s alright to grieve lost time, but do not drown in the riptide.

He is one who restores TIME – So I will restore to you the years that the swarming, locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust, my great army which I sent among you. Joel 2:25.

Know that whatever the Lord causes to cease, He has a better plan, the best plan.

#marriageworks

#Godspeed

#singleness

#riptides

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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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