BREAK THROUGH FOR A BREAKTHROUGH!
One of my greatest undoing in my season of singleness was trying to anesthetize the pain of a break-up with a rebound. I know it’s not new to most of you reading this. A breakup is hard and one of those pains that cannot be adequately expressed by all vocabularies in the dictionary.
For me, breakups felt more like fear than abandonment. I feared facing life alone. Unwanted, uncared for, unloved. Didn’t I tell you that relationships were my addiction? My idol, towering far above anything else in my life.
Picturing myself grey, old, playing putt putt or candy crash alone on a couch, wasting the day away, waiting for my glorious promotion day to heavens was my greatest fear. How sad and unfulfilling.
That fear was enough to make me reply to the next text asap. Or jump into another relationship. Fear took reigns over me. But as predictable as it is even to a novice, the next relationship would turn out to be agonizing than the previous one. My expectations to be healed, loved, accepted would be my very painful cone.
No matter how hard I tried to fit into that ‘relationship shoe’, no matter how “perfect” we looked together, deep down, I ached for something more. Something deeper, something richer and fuller than the sweet nothings.
That void would not be filled by a mere man’s touch, actions, gifts nor his words. I felt lost, alone in a maze full of dark shadows that screamt my unworthiness louder than what I paraded for most people. The world kept moving, but I was stagnated.
My greatest undoing was trying to find my worth in the next relationship, and the next relationship till I was spent dangerously thin and exhausted. There would be nothing more treacherous in this world than exhausted emotions. Exhausted emotions send wrong signals, pick up unwarranted signals, invalidate right paths, hold onto a season long gone, forgets its direction and finally loses its luster.
Aren’t most of us tempted to do the same?
Probably you are in a rebound relationship to help you “heal through” your past relationship, maybe you have turned to alcohol, random uninhibited sex, pornography, some sort of high to kill or deodorize the odor of a painful breakup. I understand. But that is counterproductive and most certainly leading you straight into the crock pot of the devil. Do not let him have your heart.
It was until I surrendered that pain back to Christ, my whole dating life, my ways to Him and emptied all to him that I found healing. I had to wrestle to win and you too my friend, will have to wrestle down the pull to abandon the right call.
You will certainly cry, there are times places, people and things will remind you of your time together and the panging pain will attempt to throw you into the deep seas again. Memories will haunt you and their voices will seem not to quiet down but you have to choose to rise higher than your current situation.
It will require a long hard press towards the shore, away from the riptides that will not cease.
The best part, is that you do not have to do it alone. Christ is there.
He’s there. Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Yes, He is the One whom I know is too good, too good to me. The One with whom I am living a love story. I found my worth again in Christ. The breakup didn’t define me and certainty not being told, “it’s over between us.”
God wants you to first surrender that hurt to Him. You might think He doesn’t understand, but He does understand our human weaknesses- Hebrews 4:15. He understands betrayal, denial, and the pain of loving, giving, yet it was without reciprocity. He understands rejection to a point of being crucified for our sins.
So take the step and give all those pieces back to Him. He is fine connoisseur of transforming our brokenness into beauty.
Secondly wait. Here is your most defining moment. The wait. It’s tempting to want to want to jump into another relationship for the same reasons as I did. Fear grippes tighter at our doorsteps when we are most vulnerable. But you must not allow it –for only you can.
I too had to wait on for in that I was finding myself in Him again. There were so many lost pieces that Christ had to fix in me again. For instance, the idolatry of relationships in me had to be burnt down. His joy had to flood me first.
Marriage had to cease being my god and I had to view God as still being a good God even in my singleness. His goodness was His nature, not a current disposition towards my plight. His goodness was His character.
His goodness was His attribute, whether I would be old and grey alone, or I was old and grey sipping tea with my husband. H e was still a good and Great God in both seasons.
It’s also tempting to jump into another relationship to be validated, feel loved and wanted but that is also another wrong avenue. God loved you first – 1st John 4:19.
You were His first before the scent of that new relationship ever came close to your nostrils. His love needs to flood you so much that a relationship will only be a mere echo of what is already real in you. Loose the chase altogether and wait.
If you look for yourself through another person, you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. After all, humans have no infinite capability of loving you without unconditionally. It’s a daily crucifixion. A daily press towards the mark of the high calling – Phillipians 3:14.
Death to self is certainly that mark.
So wait and take your time.
Just like a healing foot after a sprain, its swelling might have subsided considerably, but what looks okay on the outside still might not be okay on the inside. Take your time.
The same foot needs to be handled tenderly. You simply can’t slip in back your heels. Or take a sprint. You will need to train it again, slowly and gently, trying as much as possible to get what is comfortable and adjusting into any “after pain.”
You have to relearn to use what’s been broken. Take your time.
Sometimes the tear could be on the inside, invisible to the eye. It might not hurt when pressed, but if a little pressure is applied, it hurts. Your heart needs to go through the pain of recovery.
It is good for you.
It will teach you a couple of lessons if only you pay attention to very detail. If you cease to ask “why me Lord” and instead ask, “What do I need to learn again Lord.”
Take your time.
Do not rush into another relationship without carrying the lessons on.
Wait on for Christ’s transformation, and you will be certainly grateful of those hard moments. Those moments of crushing and pressing, will bring out new wine out of you! Be sure you don’t have the old wineskins with you!
Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead.
There is a breakthrough, so break through the hard seasons!