LESSON 5: ASK, ASK, AND ASK
and said, “Whose daughter are you? Tell me, please, is there room in your father’s house for us to lodge?” So she said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel, Milcah’s son, whom she bore to Nahor.”Moreover she said to him, “We have both straw and feed enough, and room to lodge.”
The beautiful young girl filling the water-troughs, and the thirsty camels sucking up the cooling drink. The loveliness of mind and body, both which he desired in Isaac’s bride, was manifestly present in Rebekah; but still the questions remained to be determined.
Was she one of Abraham’s kindred, was she single? Does she love the Lord like Isaac did? Does she believe in the sanity of marriage? Would she follow him to Canaan? —points of moment to the step and the consequent solution of which he now proceeds.
Eliezer asks, not just her name, but about her entire household.
I remember our dating and courtship like yesterday and with lots of fondness. It is a journey that deeply etched on my mind and engraved in my heart. We had a lot of obstacles to overcome, a lot of weeds to uproot, a lot of branches to prune, a lot of questions to ask that ultimately led us to where we are now –our marriage.
It’s hard to do so if you date in hidden confines. It’s hard to ask or have hard conversations if you limit yourselves to dating just between you two! That is why we encourage lots of outside interaction – in the brightness of day and within a community of believers!
It’s at least a first step to keep away from sexual temptation!
That aside, I was really interested in getting to know Johnny that I left no question untouched. I asked him about the obvious things, I asked him about the not so obvious things. Those that I felt hadn’t been handled conclusively, I prayed over them and asked them over and over again. He too asked me a lot of things. He asked about my family, my likes, my pet peeves, my vision, my goals, my aspirations, my expectations for a marriage, why I preferred some meals over others and so much more.
I have come across people in relationships who do not ask each other about anything. Probably due to the “fear” of agitating the other person, fear of being rejected lest they hit certain cords wrong, or are simply aloof, not caring about where the relationship is headed to.
That is a relationship that thrives on ambiguity and adrenaline thinking that it will take off and sustain the altitude and speed in the long haul. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it will not work. It is pseudo-intimacy.
I have not come across a great person who did not ask or question anything. I dare ask, how can a relationship grow without intimacy? And how can intimacy grow without interrogating our deepest longings, desires and cravings? We cannot NOT ask.
Unfortunately, that is what goes on around now. We know so much about everything else but never known. We bait each other with half-truths just enough to pique each other’s interests but never enough to thrust each other to a lasting commitment. Why? We do not ask, and we do not like to be asked.
Being asked reveals certain vulnerable parts of ourselves and our hearts, and we would rather keep the solid face on. We would rather look all plastered, packaged and complete, ready to be sent, than show any type of weakness.
See, for any intimacy to develop, there has to be a beginning and the beginning comes by asking.
Ask about everything that can give you clarity concerning the decision you are about to make.
Marriage is a covenant, and a covenant doesn’t come with easy terms. So do not cheapen the asking phase either.
The bible says in Proverbs 19:2-3
Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes. People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.
Pause for a while and think.
Isn’t asking a factor contributing to pre-mature ending of relationships even marriages? People do not strip down until later on in their relationships.
Do not be too enthusiast about a relationship that you forget to seek out knowledge. Knowledge about each other, knowledge about what is at hand and what is to come. Knowledge about each others expectations.
Asking eliminates ambiguities.
Just like Eliezer did to Rebekah at the well, ask and never cease to ask.