DAY 11: LOVE HIM
I asked my husband what he would like me to do to feel more loved. The answer was hilarious.
He said, “Lock me up in a room with Arsenal fans!” [I knew it was pun].
…he said again, “just sit down with me.”
It got me thinking. I think we hardly sit down with them except of course while having dinner. But then the rush to the ‘next thing’, makes us miss the ‘now thing.’
Loving our husbands…
The questions we bamboozle them with….
The bills we fly next to their faces once they walk through the door…
The absolute pressure to perform without failure, we expect from them…
The prodding and nagging we do…
The I talk….
The list is infinite.
1st Corinthians 13 is a hard chapter to practice in marriage, yet Paul reminds that it’s another walk of endurance to heaven. We cannot say that we love Jesus, and love not our immediate neighbors – our husbands.
Love then, can only be love if translated from a simple noun to a verb. It’s not just a word, but a word in action.
Titus 2, admonishes us into learning how to love our husbands and children. God has given us a very vantage point on this. That tells us something very critical.
As much as it’s easy for us to love or give, some aspects of love, like 1st Corinthians 13, have to be earnestly impressed on us.
Learn how to love him…
Wives, how often do we assume that their masculinity makes them hardened towards emotions? The world christens masculine men as beings without emotions, and most of us seem to have chewed on it raw.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Jesus wept. Above all he could do as a man, he wept. He wasn’t fragile, but he was portraying the true picture of masculinity. Men do feel too. They get drained, strained, broken, low, angry, tired, passionate – men have emotions too.
Fellow wife, he needs to know that you love him beyond your career, ministry, children, or anything else. Yes, children. Most of us dear wives, shift our allegiance to our children.
We get so engrossed in the kids and forget that our husbands too need us. We regard them more. We plunge into their needs more. Some even side with their children in matters discipline and parenting.
They were there first and that position, should NEVER be taken by anything or anyone else. But how quick are we to fulfil our children request but drag our husbands’ down the timeline?
I do not mean that you should neglect your children. No. You should be very present and deliberate- both – OF YOU in raising a godly offspring, but his seat, is his.
You will remain as empty nesters with that man, once you release your children. You cannot keep them. They have to be of impact elsewhere too. How will it be if you two were not intentional in gluing your marriage together? Working it out as a team?
You need to learn how love him….
Your children hold a different position in your marriage. Your marriage is of equal but different authorities, your children come under your banner.
Don’t neglect your husband. Yes, make it intentional to take care of his emotional needs, physical needs, spiritual needs, financial needs – even when you are not really enthusiastic about it. Do it out of love not out of duty.
I have a Bible verse that has carried me through my marriage. Even at our lowest ebb, weary and tired, It has helped me declare strength to myself to please my husband.
Phillipians 4:13, says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Might seem odd, but I do declare that word on myself. And yes! I do ALL things – for him. Isn’t our Lord amazing!
How does your husband like to be treated when he gets home? A back rub? Foot massage? A hot cuppa tea, lying down for a minute, making love on the couch, dancing with you and the kids…
It’s not rocket science, nor does he want so much. He simply wants your warmth and grace, laced with encouragement and love.
It’s simply putting everything else, every other “love”, as secondary and get to study your husband. Know his tastes, preferences, ideas, laugh at his jokes, get into his space.
When love lances out to the deep, it calms the tides of a marriage, it heals the broken places. It makes masterpieces out of the forgotten, it quietens the chaos. It unclutters the heart. But most of all, it changes what seems unchangeable.
Love becomes the emblem of a marriage, a force that no hatred can stand against, if one heart is willing to serve.
VERSE OF THE DAY: Titus 2:4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children…
D.I.Y: Write him little love notes, stick them up in the bathroom before he wakes up, tell him “I LOVE YOU”, make his favorite meal, pack his lunch, put another note in there, send him a surprise gift at his work place, affirm his choices, snuggle him down – go all out for him!
Go point: Be the lovebird – sing to his love tune.
I know am to love my husband, but sometimes I find other secondary loves drawing me in faster than my husband.
It’s easy to go the easy way and not put in much effort towards knowing and fulfilling his needs.
Lord teach me to love my husband.
Teach me to submit my preferences for him. Teach me to teach my children about his authority in our family.
Teach me how to love him in a way that it will demonstrate the love of Christ to my children and to the world.
Teach me to love him into greatness.
In Jesus name I pray.