DAY 26: ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS TOWARDS HIM.
You expected dinner on your birthday, instead he forgot.
You expected him to treat you out after your promotion, instead he just said, “am happy for you!” and moved on too fast.
You expected him to help you out with some chores, instead, he conked out on the couch.
Having expectations is very healthy, more so before getting married. It forms a basis or a foundation of your marriage. It is highly unhealthy for one to take on anything or anyone, just because you are so desperate for marriage. It is very unwise. Otherwise you will bend your principles for something not worth your glance!
It’s good to set standards, more so standards that would work for you. But those same expectations need to be worked on.
I mean, we all put in our best foot forward before marriage and its great, but once you say “I DO”, the work begins.
Holding onto expectations without being adaptable, flexible, needing to work around them, or you (and mostly working on yourself), will lead into resentment. No doubt about it.
Expectations is the mother of all resentment!
Expectations robs you a heart of gratitude. It makes you see what is not, than what is already there. You need a marriage probiotic, and the best live culture, would be to serve your spouse without expecting a standing ovation or reciprocity.
You need to practice self-denial, for the small things and most certainly for the big things if you are in it for the long haul.
No one said that it would be easy. It is not. In a world that’s a hyperbole of SELF– self-gratification, self- absorption, self-made, self-love, my-SELF, self denial is almost quaint – yet therein lies the keys to a bountiful heart. Gratitude.
Secondly, if you feel that your husband is passive, probably not “getting it”, talk about it. He is not God, nor a mind reader. He cannot know what is ailing you without talking it out. Keeping quiet won’t solve anything.
You need to learn to talk, maturely, coherently and most certainly with wisdom. Do not keep quiet when things seem to be stepping out of your radar. Be vigilant.
The safest way to adopt your expectations more so in marriage, is put all your expectations in Christ.
You need to put the expectations you have towards your husband, on the Lord.
You cannot peg your faithfulness, love,
and loyalty to your husband or respect towards him on his “change”. Truth be told, change is not always instant.
Putting your expectations on the Lord makes it easier for you to address certain deficiencies that are in your marriage without being too combative, nagging or overt in demanding.
He is in the best place to ignite change to your husband and give you ways on how to deal with ruts.
Work your marriage out. You owe no-one an apology. You didn’t vow to anyone but your spouse. They have nothing to lose, you have everything to lose.
VERSE OF THE DAY: Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
D.I.Y: Write down the things that you most certainly hold your expectations on. One by one, adjust in. For others, you might consider killing them! For others, you will have to learn to let go and celebrate what you already have as you wait on.
Go point: Do not hold the expectations card against him.
I thank you for your abundant grace this far in my marriage. You have called us to love one another with unselfish and forgiving love and this day Lord, I pray for my heart.
I have put so much weight on my husband, I have held out my expectations on him and this has made me ungrateful of the efforts he has put in for us.
Forgive me Lord for expecting my husband to be all that you should be to me. You have told us to put our expectations on you Lord, and this day, am doing so. Am casting my cares unto you. You are my joy, my strength and my hope.
I pray for grace to handle what I cannot change. Give me joy through it. I pray that you will work on my husband for your good – because the goodness you bring, will be sufficient for me.
In Jesus name I pray,