DAY 29: BE HIS FAITHFUL STUDENT
Have you been there? Where your mouth runs faster than your thoughts? Where you are too quick to talk, slow, very slow to speak and even faster as passing judgement?
Remember how a new class seemed thrilling at first? A new desk, a new environment, new teachers, new friends, but then the rubber meets the road when you realize that you have a sets of books to learn, new formulas to put in mind, and all that within a short span of time?
I remember our first year was characterized by two people who are unwilling to learn from each other. We fought over petty issues that escalated to bigger issues.
I didn’t like my husband telling me how he preferred his tea to be made, or how to fold his trousers.
He didn’t like me telling him how to act on certain matters or how to press down the Colgate.
We were on the continuum of worse to worst, simply because we didn’t want to learn.
Our learning curve was a vicious cycle of misunderstandings and assumptions backed by hard headedness.
It wasn’t until we decided to let go of our hard stances and adopt the posture that Christ calls us all to follow.
The greatest shall be the least – Matthew 23:11
That is marriage. We have to push through the learning curves.
We all need to remain as students in our marriage. You cannot graduate, till death does you part. That is the wisdom that’s needed for a marriage to endure.
Ladies, we might think that we know our husbands too well but we shouldn’t be so presumptuous.
Life has a way of changing many things in our marriages and one of it are our husbands. Your husband.
You cannot deem yourself as a relationship expert in your marriage.
Love is organic. It has all facets of a living organism. With time, it either grows OR dies. As we go through various seasons of life, we change. You change. Your husband changes too and if you do not keep up with the pace, you will find yourself playing catchup.
You will be frustrated wanting the “man you fell in love with” – but he’s still in there, only grown, but, you weren’t the faithful student to learn him through those seasons.
We must be committed to being faithful students to our spouses.
One of the best ways to remain faithful students to our spouses is to ask questions.
I love knowing how I am doing in my marriage. So I ask questions. I ask my husband how I handled a particular situation, how I was last week, is there anything he found or finds annoying, does he need me to adjust in on anything.
He gets to ask me too. It’s the natural verbiage, that cuts across both genders with ease.
So get to ask questions. If he says something you don’t like hearing, don’t get defensive. In learning, you have to accept a rebuke. Remember what the Bible says in Proverbs 27:6 – “A rebuke from a friend, is better than the kisses of an enemy.”
Say, “I hear you. I am sorry it appeared that way to you, I will work on it.” It’s a commitment you have put to WORK ON IT.
Change is not always within the blink of an eye. As long as he is fluid, and you are too, cheer yourselves on.
There might be occasional slips, but pick yourselves up again and give ourselves another assessment.
Humility is another word in being a faithful student.
Pride makes us think that we know it all. We become impervious to correction. Especially correction from them that have gone before you and even your own husband.
Humility as cliché as it sounds needs us to ‘sink’ low, get down form our majestic seats, put down our pride and ego, and be ready to learn.
Last but not the least. Never work with ASSUMPTIONS.
Assumptions create a breeding ground for familiarity. Nothing is as poisonous to a marriage as familiarity.
It causes you to stop putting your best foot forward.
You assume that you know it all, after all, you have been alright – and doing much better than your friends.
You assume that you do know how his day was, how he would answer a particular question – you need not ask. Yes it’s cute, to know it all, but an assumption is more about your attitude than latitude.
You stop asking for his input in some family decisions because “you assume that you know how he will respond”.
Watch out! Those are slippery grounds!
You can never know enough in marriage. Every season will present to you a different person as a spouse. Be ready to adjust, learn, or even unlearn, and grow!
So ask questions to your husband. Be a faithful student. Adjust in to the changing seasons and learn the “new” person in that season.
VERSE OF THE DAY: Ecclesiastes 6:11 The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?
D.I.Y: Sit your husband down and ask him how you have been for the years, months, weeks or days you have been married. If it’s been days, make your goals together as a couple. If it’s been months or even years, review your past mistakes, loopholes and ask him where he thinks you should improve.
Go point: It’s a learning time, so open your ears wider than your mouth.
You have called us to be slow to speak, but be quick to listen. I pray that I will learn to listen to my husband and ask question so that I can grow.
I pray that I will not be too hardheaded nor selfish to think that I know it all in my marriage. I pray for a heart full of humility because humility makes it easier for us to learn.
Help me be a faithful student to my husband. Always ready to learn. Always ready to listen.
In Jesus name I pray,