As I walk into bookshops, I am bombarded by a million books on marriage, so many more on relationships. There are “ 7 steps to re-kindle love” in a marriage, and “10 steps on making your marriage last.” There are “clues on knowing if she is the one”, and “clues to know if he is interested in you.” There are ” steps on how to have hot-sex”, and “steps to make sex last longer…”. Are we being trifle naïf?
I know many more will be published in the coming days. It tells you how our society is highly saturated with the “love and sex culture”, yet our approaches are dented. We are defined by our relationships so much more than anything else, loving to be “married”, but are wanting in our sustenance threshold.
What I find so contrasting to the packed shelves about tips on marriage, to do lists for singleness, are the brief passages that the word talks to about marriage. They are countable and almost not conclusive – to me – to most of us possibly.
You see, you and I want answers to questions like, “What do I do when my husband doesn’t like my hair?” “What do you do when your wife comes home late?”, “What do you do when your husband refuses to contribute to the family kitty?”, “What do you do when a wife leans for advise on her father more than you as her husband.” “What do you do when your husband or wife trivializes your feeling?” “What do you do when you are 30 years and have not found a spouse?”
Those are the type of questions we wish the scriptures would address directly and precisely. It doesn’t get God by surprise. He made us for relationships. He gives us relationships to teach us his spiritual truths, but why not be so direct about those questions that bog our minds to much?
There is only one answer to this question. We are infallible. Our infallibly makes us susceptible to do everything wrong including looking at God’s word as if its limited, then rely on our own understating to sort out our daily rut. We look to other places for answers more than the Word of God.
We hardly believe in the sufficiency of God’s word.
While it’s good to look for and seek godly answers, the greatest win would be to look into God’s word for answers when our wait has been too long, when heartbroken, when tired, when drained, when disillusioned, or when our marriages are grinding onto a halt. God’s Word is sufficient.
It is sufficient in giving us all the answers we need for every situation we have in the world. There is not even a shred that it misses. Our approach however has to change. We are not to look into God’s Word as a means to an end, but as an end itself.
God understands our desires. He doesn’t ignore the fact that He created desire in us. The desire to get married, have a family that mirrors Christ, serve together with your husband is a good desire. But He wants us to commit those desire to Him. To stack them at the cross and look towards Him for answers.
Proverbs 16:3 says Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.
The same God then says, He will direct your plans.
In other words, the moment you birth a great desire in you, you need to run to the Source, and find out if it’s really His will or not. Then, trust Him enough to know that He has your best interest at heart.
God cannot be any less good in your singleness than in marriage. His goodness is not the effect of His disposition, His goodness is not dented by circumstances, His goodness is not denatured by the whirlwinds of life, His goodness is not measured by how long we wait, His goodness is not re-kindled by the fires of life.
If he fluctuated a bar in His goodness, He would cease to be God.
His goodness is the essence of His triune nature, an attribute of GOD and not His attitude.
We need to believe in this red love letter He wrote for us when He sent His only son to become sin, and to impute His righteousness through Him.
When we believe that this red love letter as indeed a love letter, then all other loves’ become secondary –including the idolatry of marriage. All other loves’ cease to control our beings. All other desires cease to consume us into bitterness or cynicism.
If we believe that He loved us so much, then we begin to seek how he would like us to live in every season of our lives. He fills the void. He fills the gap. He quenches our thirst and fills us with the bread of Life – John 6:35.
He begins to reveal to us the mysteries that were once not before us. He guides our paths. Every hurdle we face, every obstacle, every question, he begins to answer it through His word. Silently reminding you of His Word and His promises when shaken, or when perturbed.
In other words, if you get the big things right, it’s amazing how God takes care of the smaller things. If you anchor yourself His Word, then you can be sure that you will not be shaken.
Stack your desires against God’s word, then the idol called marriage will not find a foothold. His word is all SUFFICIENT.